Mutants of the Caribbean
by Rogue238
Summary: Raven and Lightning present the Evotized version of Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl. Just a bunch more fun! Dedicated to Savannah Blair. Rated T because the Movie is PG13. R&R please! Finished!
1. Preproduction

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution Character's nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

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**A/N: For those of you who haven't read my other parodies. It's not necessary. But it does help with the inside jokes. Okay, here's the vital info: Raven and Lightning are from another dimension, not to mention the future, where Raven is the daughter of Rogue and Gambit, and she looks like a younger Mystique, with long curly hair. She has a little sister named Rachel. And Piotr and Kitty have a child code named Twinkle. . . Oh and Scott is very afraid of Synchronized Sentences. . . (Somewhere far away, Scott Summers screams, and no one knows why. . .)**

This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Preproduction:

Rogue is sitting down, growling at anyone who comes near. She picks up the script again. "Well, a pirate movie can't be too bad. . ." She sighs.

"And it has been awhile since the last play." Gambit agrees with her.

"They're gonna put me anotheh stupid dress, ain't they?" Rogue groans.

"Yes. . . definitely." Raven says, suddenly appearing out of no where with Lightning.

Rogue rolls her eyes. "Stupid Cajuns. . . won't leave me alone." She mumbles.

"Okay, we'd better start the casting. . ." Lightning says.

"There are a ton of parts in this play. . . and we have to rely on more of Forge's Incredible Animatronic Robots. . ." Raven says almost gleefully.

A collective groan resounds through the gathered cast. Scott shudders.

"Now, then. The most important parts. . . Rogue gets to be Elizabeth Swann, naturally." Lightning begins the casting.

"Av course. . . stick me in anotheh awful dress. . ." Rogue groans.

"Naturally," Raven grins evilly. "And that gives Remy the part of William Turner."

Remy grins. "Remy t'ink he just might have fun wit' t'is one."

"Now, Jaime get to play the young William Turner." Lightning says, reading from the cast list.

"What no clones to the rescue again?" Jaime asks.

"Not this time, little one," Raven says. "And Rahne will play the young Elizabeth Swann."

"Why me?" she groans. "Can't I be the dog again?"

"Well, that too, and you are the only one that looks young enough," Raven says, aggravated over the interruption.

"Okay, the most fun part of the play, Jack Sparrow will be played by. . . Pyro." Lightning continues.

"Yea!" Pyro says, jumping up and down and dancing with excitement. "I get the best part! I get the best part! Just let those squirrels see me now!"

The rest of the cast looks at him like he's nuts, which more than likely he is. . .

"Okay. . ." Raven says groaning. "Back to reality. Scott, would you like a better part this time?"

"Do I get hung up on a hook or beaten up by Pyro?" he asks, scared.

"Um, no," Lightning answers.

"Okay, then, where do I sign up?" Scott asks.

Raven pulls out a huge pile of contracts. "You already did. In your sleep. Like all the rest of them. And you get to play Norrington."

"And Professor Xavier will play Rogue's father, Governor Swann." Lightning says grinning.

Xavier rolls his eyes, but doesn't complain.

"And Magneto will be playing Captain Barbossa," Raven states.

Magneto glowers. "Why me?"

"Well, who else can play an insane evil villain?" Lightning asks.

"I had to ask, didn't I?" Magneto says, shaking his head.

"Yes," Lightning and Raven say together. Scott shakes violently.

"Rob gets to be Mullroy," Lightning says.

"And Ray gets to be Murtogg." Raven continues.

The boys shrug. "Hey, at least we're not horses. . . again." Ray says.

"Lance gets the part of Pintel," Lightning says.

To which, Lance groans.

"And Toad gets to be Ragetti," Raven says. "Forge will work something out for the wooden eye thing."

Toad looks nervous. "Do I have to take a bath?"

"Um, no. . ." Lightning says, much to Toad's relief. "Now then, back to casting. Wanda will be Anamaria."

"What, no stupid dress?" Wanda asks.

"No, stupid dress." Lightning assures her.

"Hey! How come she doesn't have ta weah a dress and Ah do?" Rogue whines.

"Because I said so?" Raven says in a tone that implies it was a rather stupid question. "Cotton will be played by Piotr, being the strong silent type."

Piotr simply nods. "I am assuming the parrot will be IAR. . ."

"Yes," Lightning answers. "Kitty, you get to be the maid, Estrella."

"I got a part! Yea!" Kitty squeals.

Raven looks at her like she's crazy and continues reading parts, "Amara, you are the other maid."

"A maid? Well, I never," says the little princess.

"Would you rather be a prostitute in Tortuga?" Lightning asks, raising a pen, as if to make the change.

"Um, now that you mention it. . . the maid is fine." Amara says.

"That's better," Lightning says, "Sam is the butler."

"Sabretooth will be Koehler." Raven says. After he gives her a very unknowing look, she supplies, "The pirate with the dreadlocks."

"Oh, okay."

"Alex will be Twigg." Lightning continues.

"Why do I have to be in this play?" Alex asks.

"Because, we have too many parts," Raven dictates. "Now, then, Bo'sun will be played by. . . Juggernaut."

Professor Xavier spits out his coffee, "Cain? He's here?"

"Yes," Lightning says smiling. "And without his armor too."

The Juggernaut is sitting in a corner, obviously held there by Raven's telepathy, grumbling that living in the tank was more fun.

Lightning clears his throat. "Blob will play Jacoby, the one with the bombs."

And at that Tabby pouts.

Raven simply rolls her yellow eyes. "Grapple will be played by Julien."

Remy looks around anxiously and groans as he catches sight of his rival from New Orleans.

"The miscellaneous Pirate who hits Will on the head will be played by Paul," Lightning says.

"And let me see, Logan, we didn't forget about you. You get to play Mr. Joshamee Gibbs."

"I suppose the contracts are laced with adamantium again?" he asks.

"Uh huh. And I also brought the shock device," Raven says with her trademark evil grin.

Logan shudders.

"Okay, now for the drunken Mr. Brown. . . the blacksmith," Lightning says. "Mr. Smith will play that part."

Tabby looks up in horror. "My dad is in the play?"

"Yes." Raven says. "And I suppose you'd like to know your part. Tabby you'll be Scarlett."

"Giselle will be played by Mystique," Lightning says.

"Don't start," Raven says, before Mystique can say a word. "The girl that nearly drops a liquor jug on Will will be played by X23."

"And the Fat slut at the bar that tries to come on to Will will be played by Jean," Lightning say merrily.

"Hey!" Jean says. "I'm not fat!"

"But ya are a slut," Rogue mumbles.

"You take that back!" Jean shouts. "Scott! Aren't you going to defend your girlfriend's honor?"

"Ah won't take it back," Rogue glares. "It's true!"

"Ladies, please, can't we all just. . ."

"If ya say 'get along', Ah swear Ah'll strangle ya with my bare hands!" Rogue growls.

"Remy'll help," Gambit says.

"Aw, thank ya, Swamp Rat," Rogue says with glazed over eyes. "That's so sweet."

"Anyt'ing for my belle chere," Remy says softly.

"Ah'm nobody's chere!" Rogue shouts.

"Denial," half the cast says. Scott starts crying.

"Can we get back to _my_ problem?" Jean cries out.

"Okay," Toad says.

"You're a selfish little snob," Blob says.

"And a cheater," Lance adds.

"I never cheated!" Jean says. "And I'm not a snob, or selfish!"

"Uh, yeah. . . Okay, Jean. If you say so." Pietro says, very slowly for Pietro.

"Scott!" she hollers. But Scott is still crying.

"Back to the casting!" Raven practically screams. "Now, then," she says, much calmer. "Jubilee will play the baby's mother."

"Who's playing the baby?" Jubilee asks.

"Well, we thought we'd dress Evan up in a diaper and shrink him again. . ." Lightning says quite seriously.

Evan's face pales so much that he looks white.

"Just kidding," Raven says. "We'll be using an IAR baby, because we don't want any actual child to get hurt."

Lightning hurries on. "The woman that Jacoby chases will be played by Taryn."

"How fitting," Jean says under her breath.

"The Prisoners in the cell will be played by Kurt, Mastermind, Mesmero, and Cody," Raven reads.

"Kurt will naturally get the speaking part," Lightning says.

"Naturally," Raven agrees. "Warren will play the Caller of the Guard."

Angel rolls his eyes, "another announcer. . . how typical."

"The officer that tends to disagree with everything Norrington says will be played by Beast." Lightning says, matter-of-factly.

"And Lt. Gillette will be played by Bobby." Raven drones.

"Hey," Bobby says shrugging. "At least it's not another horse. . ."

"The Harbormaster will be played by Caliban," Lightning says.

"And his assistant will be played by Leech," Raven continues.

"Oh, and the steersman on the Dauntless will be played by Evan." Lightning says.

"Um, Pietro, you get a part too, you'll play Mallot." Raven says.

"And the rest of you will be playing miscellaneous pirates and soldiers," Lightning says.

She stands up and the cast starts mumbling about their parts. Lance and Piotr are fighting over Kitty, who's trying to break them up. Rogue is fighting with Gambit, Jean and Scott. Xavier is arguing with Magneto. Pyro is trying to make Wanda believe that squirrels really are trying to take over the world. Toad is catching flies, and making Amara sick. Juggernaut is trying to stand up. Julien joins in the fight with Remy, Rogue, Jean, and Scott. Taryn, Cody and Paul are looking for a place to hide as the ground starts to rumble. Jubilee and Tabby are discussing the latest fashions while Rahne is howling at the moon. Pietro is running around creating a whirlwind. Twelve Jaimes are chasing Blob, who is holding a cake out of their reach. Logan and Sabretooth are throwing each other around and generally trashing the studio. Mystique and Kurt are screaming at each other. Ray and Bobby are playing a trick on Roberto. Tabby's dad is trying to escape. Caliban and Leech are just sitting there staring at the insanity.

"Is it always like this?" Caliban asks in his most mysterious voice.

"Every time," sighs Raven.

"We're in for a long ride, aren't we. . .?" Caliban asks.

"Definitely. . ." Lightning says.

"Maybe we should go now?" Raven asks.

"Good idea."

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A/N: I know what you are all wondering. . . How in the world did I figure out all the names. . . Script Scanner on my DVD-Rom. :D Coming up next. . .The Beginning, what else?

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	2. Scene 1: A Pirate's Life

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 1: A Pirate's Life.

Pyro is all dressed up in his pirate costume, complete with sword and is having some fun teasing the Brotherhood and the New Recruits. Every once in a while, he pokes one of them and depending on who it is, Wanda sends a hex bolt at his butt, or not. . .

Raven rolls her eyes. "Another long play begins. . ." she sighs.

"Yeah," Lightning says, nodding his head, "but this one has pirates."

"And what is so different about pirates?" she asks.

"Pirates are cool," he shrugs.

Raven simply glares her reply.

"Watch, we'll all end up having more fun this time," he tries.

Raven continues to glare. "You think this is fun?" She points at Pyro, who has just poked Tabby and is getting several hex bolts in his butt because Wanda and Tabby are getting along right now.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Pyro hollers, running around dressed like Johnny Depp. "I said I was sorry, mate! Ow!"

Wanda is smiling. She whispers to Rogue, "He looks so cute in that costume. . ."

Rogue giggles. Everyone turns to look at her as if she's crazy. "What? A gal can't laugh now and then?"

"It's just. . ." Jean starts.

"You're not, like, the giggling kind. . ." Kitty finishes.

"Look at y'all. . . Ya just finished one av Jean's sentences. . ." Rogue points out.

Kitty gasps. . . "No. Did I?"

Piotr looks at her sorrowfully, "I am sorry, Katya, but it is true."

Kitty starts bawling. Piotr holds her, trying to comfort her.

Raven groans and decides to end the madness. "Places everyone! Places! Time to start! Lights!" The lights turn on as if by themselves. "Camera!" The Camera turns itself on as well. "Action!"

A ship, the HMS Dauntless, looms in the distance, surrounded by fog, thanks to Storm. It's floating closer. Rahne stands at the bow rail, singing, "Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me. . ." When suddenly, a hand grasps her shoulder. She gasps, drops her open parasol, and turns to look at the man behind her.

Bobby whispers, "I'm not_ even_ gonna ask how they got a ship and an _entire ocean_ in the sound studio. . ."

"Good, now shut up!" Lightning growls.

"Quiet, missy! Cursed pirates sail these waters. You want to call 'em down on us, bub?" Logan says.

"Mr. Howlett," Scott Summers says harshly. He's dressed in what resembles the naval uniform of a British Officer. Beside him, in a wooden wheelchair, sits Professor Xavier. "That will do."

"She was singing about pirates. Bad luck to sing about pirates, with us mired in this unnatural fog, mark my words," Logan replies aggravated.

"Consider them marked," Scott says, enjoying being able to order Logan around without fear of extra training sessions. "On your way."

Growling and glaring a murderous glare, first at Scott and then at Raven, Logan says Aye, Lieutenant," and heads on his way. "Bad luck to have a woman on board too," he mutters as he passes by. "Even a miniature one." He goes to swabbing the deck, and takes a quick sip from a flask that contains iced tea, thanks to Raven.

Rahne looks up at Scott and tells him, "I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate."

Scott looks at her smugly and replies, "Think again, Miss Xavier. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag, or wears a pirate brand, gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop."

Rahne frowns and watches as Logan mimes the action of a man being hung. Off-stage Rogue laughs.

Xavier finally decides to speak up. "Lieutenant Summers, I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter."

"My apologies, Governor," Scott says, bowing and heading out and back to his duties.

"Actually, I find it all fascinating," Rahne says.

"And that is what concerns me," Xavier says.

Rahne sighs. She turns sadly back to the bow rail. Out of no where, floats her lost parasol. She, smiling, follows it along the boat until it reaches a floating board. On the board lays a little boy, unconscious. "Look! A boy!" she cries, "There's a boy in the water!"

Scott and the Professor rush to the edge and look over. "Man overboard!" Scott shouts. "Man the ropes! Fetch a hook! Haul him aboard!" All the extra get busy pulling the boy onto the ship. Scott leans over him. "He's still breathing."

Logan looks out across the water and exclaims, "Mary, Mother of God!"

This causes Rahne to look and try to see what he's talking about. The crew rushes to the edge of the boat and looks out to see a burning ship, broken in two.

In shock, Professor Xavier exclaims, "What happened here?"

"Most likely the powder magazine," Scott answers, "Merchant vessels run heavily armed."

"A lot of good it did them," Logan says. When Scott looks at him in shock, he continues, "Everyone's thinking it. I'm just saying it, bub. Pirates."

Scoffing, Xavier says, "There's no proof of that. It's probably an accident."

"Rouse the Captain immediately," Scott orders, "Heave to and take in sail. Launch the boats. Who talks this way?"

"Sailors! Now stick to the script!" Raven says menacingly.

The crew gets to work. One of them picks up Jaime, the unconscious boy, and carries him off. Xavier looks at Rahne. "Anna, I want you to accompany the boy. He'll be in your charge. Take care of him."

Rahne nods and follows the extra who is carrying Jaime. A life boat full of sailors goes out to check for more survivors. Rahne watches the boy and gently strokes his hair. He gasps and grabs her arm. "It's okay," she tells him. "My name's Anna Xavier."

"Remy LeBeau," manages Jaime.

"I'm watching over you, Remy," Rahne says. This seems to calm him down and he falls back unconscious. She notices a chain around his neck and checks it out. The pendent is huge, gold and has a skull in the middle. She gasps, "You're a pirate!"

Scott comes up behind her suddenly and asks, "Has he said anything?"

She quickly hides the necklace behind her. "His name's Remy LeBeau. That's all I found out," she lies.

"Take him below," Scott orders the extras.

Rahne stands at the bow rail again, and looks around. Sure that no one is looking, she dares to look at the medallion again. It glimmers in the faint sunlight. But something else catches her eye, a ship, with black, hole-filled sails, is passing by. On the top rides the Jolly Roger in plain view. He eyes grow big and then she closes them in fright.

"Hold it!" Raven calls. "Before we continue. . ."

"We've brought a gift for Rogue," Lightning says.

"Fer me?" Rogue asks.

"Yes," Raven says, "though mostly it's because it's impossible to get through this movie without skin on skin contact. . ."

Rogue opens the package that Raven floats to her and finds a thin silver looking bracelet with an electronic panel. "What is it?"

"It's a power inhibitor," Lightning says.

"We brought it with us from our time and dimension," Raven says.

"Unfortunately, there is one drawback. . ." Lightning says.

"What?" Rogue and Gambit asks at the same time. Scott screams.

"It only works on the stage. . ." Raven answers.

Rogue sighs, but puts on the bracelet and goes to take her place on stage.

"Alright, back to the show!" Lightning calls.

Rogue's eyes open. The camera zooms out to show her lying in a bed wearing an old fashioned nightgown. Gambit starts to say something, but Piotr elbows him in the stomach, making him cough. Raven glares at him.

Rogue stares at an old lamp with an open flame.

"Ooh, fire. . ." Pyro says, mesmerized.

"Snap out of it, John. . ." moans Wanda.

Rogue glares at them and them gets out of the bed. She opens a drawer and pulls out everything inside it. She hits a button in the back of the drawer to reveal a false bottom. The medallion lays there. It's obvious it's been in the drawer for a long time. The dust is terrible. As she lifts it, a clean space remains where it once lay. She closes the drawer and rubs the dust off the medallion. It still shines. She looks in the mirror and puts it on.

Just then, there's a knock on the door. Nervously, she glances at the door and rushes to put on a robe.

Xavier's voice floats in, "Anna? Are you all right? Are you decent?"

"Yeah," she calls, out of breath from scampering to put her robe on. She hides the pendant under her nightgown. "Yeah."

And with that, Xavier rolls in, followed by Kitty and Amara. "Still abed at this hour?" Rogue smiles at him. Kitty opens the drapes and window. "Oh, it's a beautiful day. I have a gift for you."

Amara has been holding a box. Xavier opens the lid and reveals a beautiful dress, the kind of dress that makes Rogue loathe these plays. She reaches in and grabs it. Through clenched teeth, she says "Oh, it's beautiful."

"Isn't it?" Charles says.

"May Ah inquire as ta the occasion?"

"Does a father need an occasion to dote upon his daughter?" Xavier says, "Go on."

Rogue grins. And goes behind the partition to change. Kitty and Amara go to help her.

"Actually, I. . ." Xavier says, "I hoped you might wear it for the ceremony today."

"The ceremony?" she asks.

"Captain Summers promotion ceremony."

"Ah knew it," Rogue says, peeking her head out and back in.

"Commodore Summers, as he's about to become," states Xavier. "A fine gentleman, don't you think. He fancies you, you know."

Kitty pulls the strings on Rogue's corset so tightly, she gasps for air.

"Anna? How's it coming?" Xavier asks, thinking it's taking a long time to put the dress on.

"It's difficult ta say," she replies.

"I'm told it's the latest fashion in Bayville," he says.

"Well, women in Bayville musta learned not ta breath."

Sam walks in and says, "Milord, ya have a visitor."

The scene changes to the downstairs lobby, where Remy is waiting. He looks entirely out of place with less than fancy clothes, and he holds a long black box. He acts rather nervous. He sees a candle holder and looks closer, than tugs on it a little. A piece falls into his hand. He tries to stick it back on, but to no avail. So, he stuffs it into the umbrella holder.

Just then, an extra walks through carrying a tea service. And just as he leaves, Sam is carrying Xavier and the wooden wheelchair down the stairs. His job is made a lot easier by the help of Raven's telekinesis.

"Mr. LeBeau," Charles says when the wheelchair hits the floor. "Good to see you again."

"Good day, monsieur," Remy says smiling at the thought of seeing Rogue in another girly dress. He sets the box on the table and opens it. It contains a rather beautiful sword, made of cardboard and tinfoil, of course. "Remy has your order." He lifts it out and hands it to the Professor.

"Well," Charles exclaims as he examines it closely.

"T'e blade is folded steel," Remy explains his work, "T'at's gold filigree laid into t'e handle." Technically, it's gold paint, but that's beside the point. He gestures for Charles to hand it back. "If Remy may." And Charles gives it back with a smile. Remy balances it on two fingers. "Perfectly balanced. T'e tang is nearly t'e full widt' of t'e blade." He sounds almost as if he actually knows what he's talking about. He flips it in the air and catches it gracefully, frightening the old man slightly.

"Impressive. Very impressive," Xavier exclaims, as he takes the blade back. "Now, now. Commodore Summers is going to be very pleased with this." He sheaths the sword and hands it back so Remy can replace it into the box. "Do pass my compliments on to your master."

A hurt look crosses Remy's face, but is quickly replaced with a forced smile. "Remy shall. A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated."

Both the men's heads turn as they hear a noise on the stairs. Rogue is dressed in the very tight dress and looks absolutely gorgeous.

Her father comments on this, "Anna, you look absolutely stunning."

She climbs down the stairs gracefully, her heart racing at the look on Remy's face. "Remy. It's so good ta see ya. Ah had a dream about ya last night."

In a shocked tone, Remy asks, "About Remy?"

"Yes," Charles says in a disapproving tone of voice, "Is that entirely proper for you. . ."

Rogue however completely ignores him and cuts him off, "About the day we met. Do y'all remembeh?"

"How could Remy forget, Miss Xavier?" Remy says, thinking of twenty different things to torture her later with from this scene alone.

"Remy, how many times must Ah ask ya ta call me Anna?"

"You've never asked Remy to before," he says.

"Gambit!" Raven groans.

"Stick to the script!" Lightning yells.

"Fine, fine. . ." he says. "At least once more, Miss Xavier, as always."

Xavier seems to approve of this statement, "There, see? At least the boy has a sense of propriety." Rogue, however, looks hurt. "Now, we really must be going. There you are." He picks up the sword.

Through her hurt-filled eyes, Rogue says simply, "Good day, Mr. LeBeau."

"Come along," Xavier orders. And everyone follows him out the door.

"Good day," Remy calls after her, and adds under his breath, "Anna."

They lock eyes for a moment as the carriage pulls out of the driveway and Remy continues to watch the carriage as it drives off.

"And cut!" Raven calls. "You are all a bunch of idiots!"

"Oh, now, do you really think you should be talking to your parents that way?" Lightning warns.

Rogue would normally get angry, but her only thought is getting out of the hideous dress. "Kitty, Amara! Help!" she cries, running to her dressing room before she passes out.

"Lightning," Raven says angrily. "Sometimes I think you live just to torment me."

"Well, it is my main goal in life," he quips.

"Some friend you are!" she exclaims. This evolves into a full blown argument.

"Oh great. . ." Tabby whines. "Another play, full of them fighting. . ."

"It could be worse. . ." Jean says.

"No it couldn't," Tabby says.

"Hi, honey!" Tabby's dad says, walking up.

"I spoke too soon," Tabby sighs.

"Haven't you learned never to say that?" Todd says, sticking his tongue out and retrieving a donut. Unfortunately, it was the last jelly filled one, and Blob was just hungry for a jelly filled donut.

"Toad!" Freddy yells.

"Uh oh," Todd says scared, "Gotta hop!"

And we will hop along ourselves.

* * *

A/N: Wow! Ten reviews on the last chapter! I've never had so many reviews on any chapter of any of my stories! Thanks peoples! Next up, Pyro's big introduction scene and Scott proposes to Rogue. Dear Lord. . . I'm not sure I can write that. . . Bare with me. Lol.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	3. Scene 2: Enter Captain St John Allerdyce

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long, but my family got sick. and so I had no time to write. Hopefully, the next one won't be so long in the making. :)

This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . . 

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 2: Enter Captain St. John Allerdyce.

Raven walks in munching on what looks like a very normal brownie. "Mmm, that looks good," Fred says, sniffing the air.

"It is. I brought enough for everyone," she shrugs and places a Tupperware container full of brownies on the table.

Jean, being hungry and really in need of chocolate, picks one up and looks at it suspiciously. "What? You didn't cover them in Cayenne Pepper this time?"

"No, I didn't," Raven says.

Jean takes a big bite and then cringes.

"You didn't ask if she put any in the batter," Lightning says with an evil grin.

"Why'd ya bring 'em here?" Rogue asks.

Raven shrugs. "Well, only me, Papa, and Rachel will touch them back home. . . I had to bring them somewhere."

"They're really great for pranks, though. . ." Lightning says, watching as Jean guzzles down a pitcherful of water.

"Fred seems to like them," Raven says, as the Blob gobbles them down one after another.

Toad shrugs. "His taste buds are fried right now. He accidentally ate one of Kitty's cookies, and then he swallowed a gallon of turpentine to get the taste out of his mouth."

Raven rolls her eyes. "Great. . ."

"Hey, Rogue, why aren't you in costume yet? We've got to get this play started!" Lightning groans.

"Well, have ya seen that thing? Ah can't even breathe in it!" Rogue cries.

"Well," Raven says with a smirk. "The sooner you put it on, the sooner Johnny gets to take it off."

"What!" cries Gambit.

"Hey, mate, it's in the script!" Pyro cries out, already fully dressed and ready for his big introduction.

"Remy don't t'ink he likes t'is play anymore," Gambit whines.

"That's enough muttering. Rogue, go get dressed. Pyro, to the sinking boat!" Raven calls out.

"Fine, whateveh!" Rogue growls, and glaring her Death glare, drags Kitty and Amara with her to the dressing room to put on the evil dress.

"Lights!" Raven calls while Rogue gets dressed. "Camera! Action!"

Pyro, with a wink in Wanda's direction, is on a sinking fishing boat. The boat's name, Jolly Mind, is painted on the side. He's standing atop the yardarm (1), boasting his piracy with insane glee. Maybe a little too insane, but this is Pyro after all. He suddenly notices the ship is sinking and jumps, first to the rigging, and then to the hull with a splash. He grabs a pail and starts bailing the water, muttering about how water and fire don't mix.

He looks up and sees three skeletons hanging from nooses. On closer inspection, the skeletons are that of pirates who closely resemble Duncan Matthews, Principal Kelly and Mr. Spears. Pyro spits at them.

"Pyro, you're supposed to show respect for them," Lightning sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Pyro says before getting back into character. He stands up, takes his hat off, and holds it over his heart.

Near the skeletons is a sign that reads, "Pirates, be ye warned."

As he nears the port, extras are busy loading goats onto a merchant vessel. They all stop to look as Pyro is standing on the lookout, sailing past them. The only thing that is visible now is the boat's mast and part of the sail. As the sail completely disappears, he steps onto the dock and starts to walk off. He is stopped by Caliban and Leech.

Caliban carries a ledger. "What, Hey! Hold up there, you!" he calls in his mysterious voice. Pyro stops and twirls back to face him. Caliban and Leech walk over to him. "It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock."

Pyro looks at him as if he'd lost his mind and then back at the boat, barely sticking up out of the water.

"And I shall need to know your name." Caliban continues.

Pyro digs in his pockets and pulls out three coins. "What do you say to three shillings, mate, and we forget the name?"

Leech's eyes widen and Caliban thinks for a second, before shutting the book and saying, "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith."

Pyro, trying not to laugh, steeples his fingers in a prayer symbol and continues on his way. Caliban and Leech turn around and go on down the dock. Pyro sees a bag lying on what is obviously Caliban's desk and picks it up. He jingles it and pockets it.

Rogue has finally gotten into costume and settles into her place as the scene changes to a fort where Scott's ceremony is taking place.

She stands fanning herself and trying to breathe, as a bunch of extras, dressed as soldiers march down an aisle, beating drums.

For a brief moment, the scene changes back to Pyro as he looks around at the docks. Then, it's back to the ceremony, where the drummers have been replaced by soldiers with bayonets.

Warren calls out, "Two paces march!"

And the extras march two paces, creating another aisle between them for Scott to walk down.

"Right about face!" Warren calls, and they all turn around. Raven is really pleased by the way they're actually doing it right. Of course, none of the main characters are in the line up, so that makes a difference. "Present arms!" Warren calls, and the extras, hold out their weapons in military style.

Scott begins the slow, prideful march up the center, while Rogue is fanning herself and concentrating only on trying to breathe.

Xavier takes the sword out of the box and presents it to Scott, who twirls it around and does a rather fancy show with it, since he knows that it's just cardboard.

Meanwhile, John is walking, rather shakily, down a ramp to a dock. Under the higher dock are two guards, Roberto and Ray. They catch sight of him and rush to stop him.

"This dock is off limits to civilians," Ray states.

"I'm awfully sorry, mate. I didn't know," Pyro says and then adds, "If I see one, I shall inform you immediately." He then tries to go around them, but they move in his way again. So Pyro tries a new approach, "There's some sorta high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, ay? How could it be two upstanding blokes such as yourselves did not merit an invitation." He looks at them rather disapprovingly, as if they were obviously not worthy of such things.

Ray, missing the look entirely, responds, "Someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians."

"It's a fine goal, to be sure." He starts walking in the other direction, trying to get past them, but they block his way again. "But it seems to me, that a, a ship like that," he points to the Dauntless. "makes this one here a bit superfluous, really. Hey, mates, what's that word mean, the big one?"

Raven rolls her eyes, but answers, "It means more than necessary or not essential, now back to the script before I decide to use your flame thrower for target practice." The flamethrower in question is sitting next to her chair looking very lonely, according to Pyro, but Raven has insisted that pirates never carried flame throwers.

Pyro gulps and gets back into character.

Ray nods and replies, "The Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed."

Pyro pretends to think. "I've heard of one. It's supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: the Black Pearl."

Ray smiles, but Roberto starts laughing. "Well, there's no _real_ ship that can match the Interceptor."

Ray looks at him, stupidly. "Black Pearl is a real ship."

Roberto looks at him and then back at John, shaking his head, "No. No, it's not."

Ray, still looking at Roberto says, "Yes, it is. I've seen it."

Roberto looks back at him. "You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"You haven't seen it."

"Yes, I have," Ray insists.

Pyro is rolling his eyes about now, as Roberto questions Ray further, "You seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?"

"No," Ray says.

"No," Roberto agrees, turning back to Pyro.

"But I have seen a ship with black sails," Ray says insisting on continuing then ridiculous argument.

"Oh," Roberto says, turning back to Ray. "and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying?"

During this last speech of Roberto's, Pyro has seen fit to slip out, unnoticed.

Ray nods with a big grin, "No."

"Like I said, there's no _real _ship as can match the Interceptor," at which point he turns his head to look at Pyro. Only Pyro isn't there. He's at the helm of the Interceptor.

"Hey! You!" they shout, causing Scott to shudder uncontrollably.

"Get away from there!" Ray orders.

"You don't have permission to be there!" Roberto states.

"I'm sorry. It's such a pretty boat. . . ship."

"What's your name?" Ray asks.

"Smith, or Smithy, if you like," answers Pyro.

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr Smith?" Roberto says, letting down his gun and showing that he doesn't believe Pyro's name is Mr. Smith.

"Yeah, and no lies!" Ray insists.

"Well, the, I confess," Pyro says blatantly. "It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, and plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out."

"I said no lies," Ray whines.

"I think he's telling the truth," Roberto says.

"If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us," argues Ray.

John says, "unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you." Ray looks incredulously at him as he tries to comprehend this statement.

Meanwhile, Scott's ridiculous ceremony has come to an end. All the people are standing around talking while music plays.

Scott comes up to Rogue, "May I have a moment? Do I really have to do this?" He whines to the directors.

"Only if you don't want us to do this!" They shout at him. He screams and tears well up in his eyes.

"Anything but that!"

"Then," Raven says calmly, her yellow eyes glowing in anger, "stick to the script!"

Rogue rolls her eyes, but follows him out to a balcony. She stands next to an arch to support herself as the dress is really making it hard to breathe.

"You look lovely, Anna," Scott says truthfully, because the hideous dress really looks gorgeous on her.

Rogue nods painfully, still fanning herself.

Scott ignores the pained look on her face and looks out to sea, "I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind." Nervously, he continues, "This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved: A marriage to a fine woman," he says with a sharp look at her face. She's still not looking at him, but concentrating only on trying to breathe. "You have become a fine woman, Anna." He looks nervously at Jean, who's scowling off stage at Rogue.

He makes a point not to look at Gambit who is shuffling a deck of cards rather furiously off stage and glaring holes into the back of Scott's head.

Rogue looks at him and then back at the sea. "Ah can't breathe."

Scott, being rather clueless, assumes that she's speaking metaphorically, "Yes, I'm a bit nervous, myself."

But, Rogue has reached her limit with the dress and fall unconscious into the sea. Raven, not wanting her to get hurt, controls her fall with telekinesis. Her hat blows off in the wind.

Pyro is still talking to the guards, Roberto and Ray. "And then they made me their chief," he's saying as Rogue falls past into the water near them.

At the splash they turn their heads. Scott also looks around, and not seeing her, says, "Anna?" Then, he looks down and sees the splash in the water. "Anna!" He starts taking his coat off in order to jump in after her.

Bobby and Beast run up to him and hold him back. "The rocks!" Bobby shouts.

"Sir, it's a miracle she missed them," Beast states.

As Rogue floats further down into the water, Pyro, Roberto, and Ray, watch her. Pyro asks Roberto, "Will you be saving her, then?"

"I can't swim," Roberto lies.

He looks at Ray, who shakes his head and then mumbles about hating to swim. "Pride of the King's Navy, you blokes are." He takes off his jacket, sword, gun and holster, and his hat and hands them to Roberto and Ray. "Do not lose these." Then, he jumps into the water.

As Rogue hits the bottom, the necklace rises out of her dress and a wave blasts through the water in all directions.

Ray asks, "What was that?"

Roberto just shakes his head. A ill wind blows, making them really nervous.

The flag blow violently, the skeletons knock into each other.

Pyro reaches Rogue and pulls her to the surface. He takes a breath, but is sucked back under. He tears the heavy dress off of her and is able to swim her limp body to the surface.

"Make way!" a random extra calls as Scott, Bobby, and Beast run by, followed by Sam pushing Xavier quickly in his wheelchair. Several other extras follow, dressed as soldiers.

About that time, Pyro is able to reach the dock and Roberto helps pull her onto the dock, "I've got her! She's not breathing!"

"Move," Johnny orders, pushing Roberto and Ray out of the way. He takes a knife and cuts the strings of her corset. Immediately, Rogue coughs up the water and starts breathing.

The only thing that is keeping Gambit from tearing onto the stage right then and tearing Pyro apart is Piotr, who is holding onto the poor lovesick Cajun very tightly.

Pyro has tossed the corset into Ray's hands.

Roberto looks at her in awe of Pyro's ingenuity, "I never would've thought of that. . ."

"Clearly, you've never been ta Singapore. . ." Pyro states. Just then he notices the necklace she's wearing and picks it up. "Where did you get that?" he asks.

Before she has time to answer, the soldiers arrive.

Scott orders, "On your feet!" The brand new sword staring Pyro in the face. All the other soldiers also have bayonets pointed in Pyro's direction.

He stands up and Xavier wheels over to Rogue, "Anna!" He helps her up. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Ah'm fine," she answers, very glad to be out of the hideous dress. She is wearing old fashioned underwear that consists of an undershirt and bloomers, so she is covered.

Xavier covers her with his coat,and glares at Ray, who is still holding the hated corset. Ray suddenly realizes he's still holding it and hides it behind his back nervously. He points at Pyro. Xavier's glare turns to the pyromaniac. "Shoot him!" he orders, without the least hesitation.

"Papa." Rogue groans.

"What?"

Rogue turns to Scott with her plea, "Commodore, do ya really intend ta kill my rescueh?"

He looks at Rogue, then Xavier and nods sheepishly. The swords go down. Pyro makes a praying hands sign to say thank you to Rogue.

"I believe thanks are in order," Scott says loftily, extending his hand.

Pyro warily shakes Scott's hand. Scott grabs on and pulls up his sleeve. On Pyro's are are two tattoos. Technically, they're the washable kind. One is a P and the other is a flame.

Scott focusing first on the P. "Had a brush with the East India Company, did we, pirate?"

A pained look crosses John's face and quickly fades.

"Hang him," Xavier orders.

"Keep you guns on him, men. Drake, fetch some irons." About then, Scott notices the other tattoo. "Well, well. St. John Allerdyce, isn't it?"

"_Captain_ St. John Allerdyce, if you please,sir." Pyro corrects him.

"Well," Scott says arrogantly, as if to make up for having to play Sir Hiss (2), "I don't see your ship, Captain."

"I'm in the market, as it were," Pyro says.

"He said he'd come to commandeer one," Ray says.

Roberto, having to have the last word, "Told you he was telling the truth." Here, he sticks out his tongue. Then, he turns to Scoot. "These are his, sir." He bends down and picks up all of the equipment Pyro removed before jumping into the water.

First, Scott takes the gun and looks it over, "No additional shot nor powder." Then he picks up a compass. "A compass that doesn't point North. . ." He pulls out the sword that glimmers in the sunlight, "And I half expected it to be made of wood." Pyro just grins nervously after each item is described. "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."

Pyro holds up two fingers. "But you _have_ heard of me."

Scott gets really angry at this time and grabs his arm and drags him over to Bobby to be shackled.

Rogue takes off after him, "Commodore, Ah really must protest!"

"Carefully, Lieutenant," Scott calls out.

"Pirate or not," Rogue argues, "this man saved my life!"

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness." Scott explains.

"Though it seems enough to condemn him," Pyro says.

"Indeed," Scott practically spits out.

Just then, Bobby is done placing the shackles on Pyro. Rogue is standing between Scott and Pyro with her back facing John. "Finally," he says, and he grabs her, placing the chain between his irons around her neck. She gasps in surprise. Remy growls and Piotr has to hold him back again.

"No!" Xavier calls. "No! Don't shoot!"

"I knew ya'd warm up ta me," Pyro says to him. "Commodore Summers, my effects, please. And my hat," he adds as an after thought.

Scott stands there while Xavier looks at him.

"Commodore," Pyro says threateningly.

Glaring angrily, Scott turns to Roberto and grabs the pile. The soldiers put their bayonets down.

"It is Anna, is it?" Pyro asks Rogue.

"It's Miss Xavier," she growls.

"Miss Xavier, if you would be so kind," he asks in a way, that doesn't sound like he's asking, but demanding he to take his stuff from Scott. "Come, come, love. We don't have all day."

She takes the stuff, and he grabs his gun and points it at her head. She turns around. "Now if you'll be very kind."

She places his hat on his head, his holster around his waist and his sheath around his chest. All the while, Pyro is smiling arrogantly at Scott and Xavier. Xavier turns his head away and Scott rolls his eyes in disgust. "Easy on the goods, love," he tells her.

"You're despicable," she growls at him in perfect imitation of Logan.

"Sticks and stone, love. I saved your life. You save mine. We're square." At this point, he turns Rogue back around and addresses the crowd. "Gentlemen, milady, you will always remember this as the day you almost captured Captain St. John Allerdyce." And here, he pushes Rogue into the crowd, grabs a rope, kicks a lever and the rope sends him soaring up into the air.

The rope happens to be attached to a cannon the falls straight down and into the pier, knocking a hole through the boards. Roberto and Ray, being the closest to the hole, fall straight through it. The pulley that the cannon and rope are attached to starts to spin. Pyro gets a little worried and more than a little nauseous. "Whoa!"

"Now will you shoot him?" Xavier cries out angrily.

"Open fire!" Scott shouts out. The bayonets sound off as he keeps spinning.

"Hey!" Pyro screams at them. He finally is able to reach the next pulley system.

"On his heels!" Scott orders. The soldiers take off after him.

John is able to wrap his irons around a rope that leads him down to the dock. He takes off at a run, dodging bullet fire, over a bridge.

Another random extra calls out, "Take cover, man!"

Scott says to Bobby, "Drake, Mr Allerdyce has a dawn appointment with the gallows. I would hate for him to miss it."

"Cut!" Raven calls.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Lightning says.

"Oh yeah?" she asks. "Look at Gambit."

Everyone looks over at him, his red on black eyes are flashing in anger. "Scott, Johnny. . ." he growls. "Run. . ."

He doesn't need to tell them twice. They take off at a dead run.

He counts to three and takes off after them.

Rogue groans and rolls her eyes. "Remy! Wait! They were only reading the script! Gambit! Don't kill them!"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Lightning says.

"I can't allow him to kill them," Raven says with an authoritative air.

"Pity, why not?" Magneto asks.

"We can't finish the play without them." Raven says, tossing the flamethrower to Pyro so he can defend himself. "Don't burn down the set!" she calls.

"Thanks, sheila!" Pyro calls back.

"Die!" Remy screams.

Gulping, most of the cast and crew decide to leave and so will we. . .

* * *

A/N: (1)an end of the yard used to support a sail 

(2)Way back in Remy Hood, when Pyro was Prince John and Scott had to be the kiss-up Sir Hiss.

This is a little long, so the rest of Pyro's escape will have to wait. Beside, we need to give Gambit some time to cool off.

Next up, Pyro and Remy met and a fight ensues. . .

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	4. Scene 3: Pirates and Blacksmiths

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 3: Pirates and Blacksmiths.

Gambit walks onto the set and both Scott and Pyro hide, Scott behind Jean and John behind Wanda. "Don't worry, mes amis,(1) Remy not going to hurt ya anymore. . . At least, not right now. Raven says he has ta wait until t'is play is over."

Both men sigh in relief and step out from behind their girls. Jean is glaring at Scott. "Oh, a big strong man like you needs a _girl_ to protect him?" she says angrily.

"I, I just knew that Remy wouldn't hurt you," Scott says.

"Are ya sure about that?" Rogue adds.

"Uh, yes?" he says weakly.

"Remy wouldn't be so sure about t'at, if he were you," Gambit says, egging on the impending battle.

"So, you care more about your own hide than you do mine?" Jean asks.

"Now, wait a minute, Jean, I never said that!" Scott says.

Jean is getting really angry now and things are starting to float around. "You _implied_ it!"

Wanda looks at John with a questioning look on her face.

"No, I just needed a girl to protect me, luv," he says confidently.

Wanda smiles and almost laughs, letting Johnny know he's not in trouble.

Both of them duck as a table comes flying at Scott from behind them.

"I said I was sorry!" Scott whines as the table hits hard. "Ow! Jean!"

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time, Cyke!" Jean shouts.

Rogue and Gambit are standing next to each other against the wall, laughing their heads off.

Kitty is hiding behind Piotr. "This is, like, really bad. Aren't you going to stop them?" she asks Raven and Lightning.

"No," Lightning says. "I've learned you should never interrupt a lover's quarrel."

"How did you learn that, comrade?" Piotr asks.

"Too many people have tried to interrupt ours," Raven replies.

Lightning laughs and Raven just grins at him.

"What?" Jubilee asks coming up to them, "You two are going to start fighting today?"

"No," Raven answers, "I believe Jean has that covered this time." She blocks a flying coffee pot with her telekinesis.

An hour and a very sore Scott later, Jean has cooled down. She replaces everything in it's origional spot. Most of it is barely recognizable. "Sorry about that. . ." she says to the directors.

"Don't worry about it," Lightning tells her.

"You completely missed the stage," Raven says with a grin. "Now, places everyone! Let's get this show on the road! Lights! Camera! Action!"

The scene opens in town, as solders march through, looking for Pyro. Warren's voice is heard ordering the men, "Search upstairs!" Some of the soldiers immediately go up a rickety wooden staircase.

"Look lively, men!" Bobby orders.

They pass as the camera zooms in on a statue of a blacksmith. The blacksmith is holding a sword. Suddenly the sword is pulled back. It seems Pyro was hiding behind it.

He steps out and starts walking quickly. Just then, another group of soldiers march past and he goes into the first door he sees. It happens to be the blacksmith shop. The camera focuses on the sign that reads "Smith" with an anvil above it.

Inside the building, he sheaths his sword and looks around. The room appears to be empty. He walks over to the tool rack. Places his hat on it and grabs a hammer. His chains are making a lot of noise.

He hears a bottle drop to the floor, making him freeze. Then, he hears snoring. Tabby's father, Mr. Smith, is sitting in a chair, passed out drunk. John walks slowly to him and pokes him in the chest.

Mr. Smith doesn't move.

So, Pyro starts to turn around and then, turns back and shouts, "Whoa!"

Mr. Smith doesn't move.

Pyro is convinced and he heads to the anvil and starts trying to hammer his way through the irons. It's a futile event. Frustrated, he shakes his arms in a lame attempt to break them apart, before noticing a big contraption with weapons circling around it and an IAR donkey to turn it. What he's really interested in is the big metal gears.

He takes a big metal tool straight out of the fire and eyes it merrily. "fiery hot," he says happily.

"John," Lightning calls. "Stick to the script."

"But the fire's so pretty!" Pyro whines.

"And your flame thrower will make awfully pretty fireworks," Raven says sweetly.

"Uh, please anything but that! I'll stick to the script, sheila, just please don't do that!"

With a hiss, the IAR donkey brays and starts moving quickly. Pyro shakes the tool until it's cool and drops it. Then, he sticks his chains around one of the gears. The gears break through them easily. He grins and then sees the door handle turn.

He runs to hide as Remy walks in and shuts the door behind him. Remy looks oddly at the IAR donkey and rushes over to calm it down. He takes his coat off and walks over to where Tabby's father is still sleeping.

"Right where Remy left you," he says with relief, unbuttoning his shirt halfway. He looks over at the anvil and notices the hammer, "Not where Remy left you." He notices the hat about then. He goes to touch it and a sword smacks his hand.

He looks up and sees Pyro in all his pirate-y glory, holding a sword to Remy's chest. Gambit backs up, "You're t'e one t'ey're hunting. The pirate."

"You look somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before, mate?" Pyro asks.

"Remy make a point of avoiding familiarity wit' pirates." Remy says.

"Ah, well then, It would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So, if you'll excuse me," Pyro says, turning away.

Gambit grabs a sword and holds it up to his back. Pyro hears the noise and turns around. The sword in about a foot away from his face, but Pyro shows no fear. He walks towards Remy, making him back up. "Do you think this wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?"

Remy holds the blade up higher. "You threatened Miss Xavier."

Pyro rubs his blade up and down Remy's causing a distinctly metallic noise. "Only a little."

"Hey! Why do they get real swords?" Scott cries out.

"Because they know how to use them?" Raven and Lightning yell at the same time.

Scott crawls into a hole that Jean caused in the floor and sucks his thumb.

Remy and Pyro roll their eyes and the sword fight begins. Both are masters, but Pyro seems to have the advantage at first, while Remy backs away. It's soon seen, they are actually about equal in skill.

"How did Pyro learn sword fighting?" Bobby asks in disbelief, with his jaw dropped open.

"Remy was bored one day and decided to teach him," Remy says.

"Ahem," Raven clears her throat. "Does anyone remember this thing that's called a script? Can we get back to it?"

"Sorry," Bobby and Remy both say, causing unfathomable screams to arise out of Scott's hole.

Backed to a short wall, Remy takes the advantage and backs Pyro up almost to the wall. Far enough away, Pyro lowers his sword to say, "You know what you're doing. I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?" He moves his feet and starts the fight again. Remy's feet mimic Pyro's exactly. "If I step here." Remy blocks all his thrusts. "Very good. And now I step again." The battle continues. Remy counteracts every slash. But it was all a ruse to get Remy to the other side so that Pyro was nearer the door. "Ta."

He heads to the wall and jumps up it. When he is nearly to the door, Remy throws his sword, barely missing Pyro's head. The sword is stuck in the door.

Pyro stares wide-eyed at the sword and then back at Remy. Then he attempts to remove it. It doesn't budge.

Remy's smirks arrogantly at the pyromaniac as the attempts continue.

Pyro turns around and walks down the stairs. "That is a wonderful trick. Except, once again, you are between me and my way out. And now, you have no weapon, mate."

Remy happens to be standing near the tool rack and the fire. He pulls a sword out of the fire. The end is red hot and glowing. Pyro's eyes grow wide and the IAR donkey brays and begins to move.

Pyro tries to get past him, but Remy's blade cuts him off. Sparks fly as the blades meet.

The fight furiously until Remy's blade is caught in one of the chains still around Pyro's wrist. Pyro flings it away. Remy does a back flip over one of the many spinning planks of wood, caused by the IAR donkey's movement. He lands upright in front of a rack full of swords and grabs one.

Pyro reaches his and clinging to the pole fights. "Who makes all these?"

Climbing higher on the pole, Remy answers, "Remy do. And I practice wit' t'em t'ree hours a day."

While the battle continues, Pyro quips, "You need ta find yourself a sheila, mate." He punctuates this remark with a wink in Wanda's direction.

They leave the pole and are back on solid ground. Pyro decides to irritate Remy further by adding, "Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet." With a disgusted look on his face, he asks, "You're not a eunuch(2), are you?" There he looks meaningfully downwards.

"Remy practices t'ree hours a day so when he meet a pirate, he can kill it!" Remy says passionately, slashing violently at Pyro.

This causes Pyro to climb onto a cart that is being propped up by a combination of wood and the short wall. Remy climbs up on the cart as well. The wood breaks and causes the two-wheeled cart to fall off of the wall. The cart is incredibly unstable footing for the two swashbucklers. They rock back and forth as they fight.

Remy sees an opportunity and takes his sword, wraps it up in Pyro's chains and sticks it into the rafter. He smirks arrogantly again, while Pyro slashes one handedly, trying to release his arm.

His foot hits a loose plank that comes up and knock Remy under the chin, kicking him off the cart. John then pulls himself up to the rafter and pulls out the sword.

Remy grabs another sword and jumps back on the cart just as Pyro falls onto it.

Remy goes flying into the rafters, while Pyro rolls backwards into the wall. He's a little disoriented but he stands up and gets back on the cart, looking for Remy. He grins as he catches sight of him up in the rafters.

But, at that moment, Remy cuts a rope.

Pyro's look quickly changes to "uh oh," as a net holding about four barrels falls onto the other side of the barrel. He flies into the rafters as well. He manages to hold on to one rafter and climb up quickly.

They jump back and forth from one rafter to another until they finally land on the same one. The battle rages on.

During this battle, all the girls, excluding Raven, of course, have sat still, watching the fight with awe-struck faces and a few of them have had a drop of drool or two. The guys are getting irritated. Jean, still being mad at Scott, has been filming it for later reference. How she got a hold of Pietro's video camera, no one is quite sure. Rogue and Wanda are especially thrilled watching the guys, even though they are trying the hardest to hide it.

Pyro drops his sword. They both flip down. Pyro has a harder time than Remy, do to Remy's natural agility. Remy ends up on the ground before Pyro. Pyro, seeing no way to his sword, grabs a bag of red powder and throws it in Remy's face.

Almost blinded, Remy staggers for a moment, while Pyro gets down. He grabs his sword and looks up, only to find a gun in his face.

"You cheated," Remy says in amazement.

"Pirate," Pyro says in the same tone of voice one would normally say, "duh."

Just then, a shaking occurs at the front door, announcing the solders have decided to search the blacksmith's shop. Remy moves between Pyro and the back door.

"Move away," Johnny insists.

"No."

"Please move."

"No," Remy says, "I cannot just step aside and let you escape."

Pyro cocks the gun angrily. "This shot is not meant for you."

Remy looks strangely at him, as the sound of glass breaking against Pyro's head fills the empty building.

Without a change of expression, Pyro falls forward, unconscious, revealing Mr. Smith standing, just barely, holding the broken empty bottle he had dropped earlier.

That's when the solders break through the door.

"There he is," one of the extras calls, "Over here!"

Scott, having been dragged forcibly out of the hole, Bobby and Beast all enter. "Excellent work, Mr. Smith," Scott claims, "You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

To which, the drunken man replies, "Just doing my civic duty, sir." His words are slurred and he can hardly stand straight. Tabby is trying not to laugh outright.

"Well," Scott says, "I trust that you will always remember this is the day that Captain St. John Allerdyce _almost_ escaped. Take him away." He turns away as the solders pick the unconscious man up.

"And cut!" Lightning calls.

"You can all wake up now girls," Raven groans.

"Huh? What?" several of the girls ask as if they woke up from a dream.

They turn around to find all their boyfriends not looking very happy at them. Those of them who don't have boyfriends head off freely to the bathrooms or other areas. Those that do, look sheepishly at their various guys and then start to run.

Rogue and Wanda laugh hysterically at them as Remy and John come up behind them.

"What's so funny, sheilas?"

"Nothing," they reply.

Scott stops chasing Jean long enough to scream out of his mind.

"Interesting day. . ." drones Lightning.

"Very interesting," his girlfriend replies.

"At least no one got cut," he adds.

"Yes," Raven nods, "well, not yet any way. . ." She ducks as a piece of sheetrock falls beside them.

"Um, maybe it might be a good time ta get outta here?" Rogue asks Remy.

"Remy got ta agree wit' ya t'ere, cherie," he replies.

Wanda, John, Lightning and Raven all agree and rush out as quickly as possible.

And so shall we. . .

* * *

A/N: (1) my friends

(2) for those of you who don't know. A eunuch was a man who had been castrated in order to keep his voice high pitched for singing purposes. This was normally done right before puberty, I believe. Said man was incapable of, um, how do you put this delicately? Hmm, oh yes, he was incapable of being intimate after that. If you don't know what castrated means. . . look it up in the dictionary.

Well, I meant to update ASIR first, but I'm afraid I've got a bit of writer's block where that is concerned. I'll update it as soon as possible, but for now, I hope you're all content with this. Sorry it took so long. Once everyone was feeling better. . . we all got sick again. . . ugh. But we're feeling better now. Don't expect too frequent updates though, as I have several other projects that are requiring a lot of my time right now.

Next up, The _Black Pearl_ arrives in Port Royal.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	5. Scene 4: The Black Pearl Arrives

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . and forgive me for the long interval, a full explanation follows the chapter. Let's just say. . . I've had a bit of a rough time.

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 4: The _Black Pearl_ Arrives.

Rogue walks in with a big smile on her face. It's a very rare thing to see Rogue smile. Curious several people walk over to her.

"You're smiling?" questions Bobby.

"Can't a gal be happy once in a while?" Rogue says, avoiding his question.

"Yeah, but. . ." Jubilee says, "Why?"

Rogue rolls her eyes. "If y'all must know. . ." she says with a sigh. "Ah'm happy cause Ah don't eveh have ta weah that stupid dress again!"

Half the crew laughs and Raven rolls her eyes. "Yes, but you have other stupid dresses to wear before this play is over. Time to get in your costumes, people."

All the crew with parts in this scene hurry to their dressing rooms or in Scott's case, to his corner where a room divider was set up.

The rest of them settle around the food table trying to eat as much as they can before Blob gets dressed.

But soon, everyone is ready and Raven starts the play with her usual, "Lights! Camera! Action!"

A fog looms in the harbor, thanks to Storm, of course. And then the scene switches to the jail, where Kurt, Mastermind, Mesmero, and Cody stand at the bars whistling to Rahne, who is in her wolf form and holding a large ring of keys. Cody looks incredibly nervous to be in the same cell as the very dangerous mutants and Kurt, who only looks dangerous.

"Can you smell it?" Kurt says, holding a big bone with meat still hanging from it in places.

"Come here," pleads Mastermind.

"It's marrowbone," Mesmero says with a look of contempt for having to play a measly prisoner in a lousy play.

"Come here, girl," Cody says weakly.

"Vant a nice juicy bone?" Kurt asks.

"Come here," Mastermind pleads again.

Rahne is sitting, looking at them as if they are stupid.

"Come here, girl," Mesmero says.

"Come on," Cody tries, still looking very frightened.

They keep calling her, but Rahne is stubbornly sitting there looking at them as if they're idiots.

Pyro, who is sitting against the wall in the next cell speaks up, "You can keep doing that forever. The dog is never gonna move, blokes." His tone is irritated and tired.

"Oh, excuse us," Kurt says, "if ve haven't resigned ourselves to ze gallows just yet."

Pyro looks at him and then smiles, or rather smirks, and turns his head.

The scene changes to Kitty shoveling coals from a fireplace into an old fashioned bed warmer. It's a metal circle with a lid and a long pole. Very dangerous, actually and more than likely has started many a fire in the middle of the night.

Kitty takes it and places it at the foot of Rogue's bed. "There you go, miss." She says soothingly. "It was, totally, a difficult day for you, I'm sure."

Rogue has been reading in the bed, she mumbles and then answers, "Ah suspected Commodore Summers would propose, but," she says, taking her eyes off the book, "Ah must admit, Ah wasn't entirely prepared fer it."

Kitty has been fluffing the covers and making sure Rogue is tucked in. She looks at Rogue oddly. "I meant you, like, being threatened by that pirate. . . Sounds terrifying."

"Oh," Rogue says, as if she'd completely forgotten. "Yes, it was terrifying." She adds under her breath, "but bein' proposed ta by Scott was worse."

Raven just glares at her and Lightning holds up the script and taps it.

"But," Kitty says with a squeal, "the Commodore proposed! Fancy that! Now, that's, like totally, a smart match, miss. If it's not too bold to say."

Rogue answers dryly, "It is a smart match." Even though she feels like vomiting at the very thought.

Remy is glaring at her, but she points to the script Lightning is holding and rolls her eyes. He takes to shuffling his cards angrily again.

"He's a fine man," she says, through gritted teeth. "He's what any woman should dream av marryin'."

Kitty catches the disgusted and slightly sad look in Rogue's eyes and says, "Well, that Remy LeBeau, he's, like, a fine man too."

Rogue looks up at her half in wonder and half angry, "That _is _too bold."

Kitty turns away, "Well, begging your pardon, miss. It was, totally, not my place." She leaves the room and shuts the door behind her.

Rogue, looking wistfully across the stage to where Remy is standing, awaiting his part, pulls out the necklace and holds it tightly. An ill wind blows through the room, thanks again to Storm. She watches as the lamp fire dies, causing Pyro to nearly sob. Thankfully, Wanda is near by to comfort him, or at least scare him into not crying. Then, Rogue looks out towards the window.

The scene changes, Remy stands, hammering metal against an anvil. He hears a strange sound and stops, looking towards the window. He opens the window and looks out. A strange fog fills the streets and a dog, played by Rahne, of course, runs up the lane.

In the bay, a ship looms silently near the town, leaving Bobby wondering how they got it in the sound studio again, but this time, keeping his mouth shut.

The scene changes to the fort where Scott is wheeling Xavier around. "Has my daughter given you an answer yet?" Xavier asks.

"No, she hasn't," Scott replies.

"Well, she has had a very trying day," Xavier says, trying to reassure him. Changing the subject, he states, "Ghastly weather, don't you think?"

"Bleak, very bleak," Scott says,rolling his eyes behind his glasses.

Raven groans, but says nothing, after all, no one will see it.

Scott stops walking and stares out to sea.

They hear a distant boom. Xavier asks, "What's that?"

"Cannon fire!" Scott shouts and pushes Xavier down, nearly braking the wooden wheelchair. Just in time, as a cannon ball sweeps just past them. "Return fire!" Scott orders.

Inside Pyro's cell, he sits up, "I know those guns."

Scott's voice, off stage, shouts, "Men to arms!"

Pyro and the other prisoners stare out their windows. Through them they can see a ship with black sails shooting up at the fort and cannons raining fire on the ship. "It's the _Pearl."_

"Ze_ Black Pearl_?" Kurt asks, "I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors."

"No survivors?" Pyro asks, "Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

Kurt and the others look very confused.

The ship continues to fire cannons from both sides. Extras on the dock rush around frantically. In the town, people run screaming in fright, as cannon balls blast through chimneys and other parts of various buildings.

A small IAR baby stands screaming for his mother, "Mama! Mama!" The chaos rushes around him and a cannon ball hits a large scaffold and it falls directly towards his head. Just in time, Jubilee rushes to him and grabs the IAR baby. The scaffold crashes to the ground.

Pirates ride to the shores in life boats and jump out shouting along the way. "Coming through!" an extra shouts. The camera closes in on Lance and Toad. Toad is trimming his wooden eye. He pops it in his eye socket.

"Uh. . . how did he do that?" Bobby can't help but ask.

Raven sighs. "Image inducer."

"Now, no more interruptions, please," Lightning says.

"How polite," Raven groans.

Lightning rolls his eyes. "Can we just. . ."

"Get on with the play?" Raven finishes.

"Yes," they both finish and Scott screams painfully.

Toad looks at Lance and they head into the town with huge grins. Extras are thrown around the stage, technically by Raven and Jean's telekinesis, but supposedly from the cannon fire. The camera closes in on Blob, who is holding a bomb in each hand and grinning as insanely as Pyro or Tabitha.

"Impressive," John states.

"I've been giving him lessons," Tabby says, matter-of-factly."

Evil glares from Raven silence them.

Blob tosses the bombs into a couple windows and seeing Taryn, starts chasing her. Taryn screams in real terror and runs as fast as her non-mutant legs can carry her.

In the blacksmith shop, Remy grabs a hatchet and a sword. He rushes out just as Taryn and Blob run by. He hurls the hatchet at Blob. Due to his good aim, it lands in the middle of Blob's back and Blob falls to the ground screaming, "Ahh!"

Remy continues to run into the fray, he grabs the hatchet as he runs by Blob's limp body. Remy fights Julien as other pirate extras battle civilian extras. The pirates are clearly winning.

A cannon ball rips through the fort and destroys a gallows. Soldier extras rush frantically and jump out of the way as more cannon balls fly into the fort. They are however fighting cannon fire with more cannon fire.

"Sight the muzzle flash!" Scott calls out.

"Aim for the flashes!" Warren calls.

"I need a full strike, fore and aft!" Scott calls. "Mr. Daniels, more cartridges!" Xavier wheels himself over near the cannons. Too close for Scott's liking. "Governor, barricade yourself in my office!"

Xavier sits there as another cannon ball sails past. He flinches.

"That's an order!" Scott says angrily.

The scene changes to Xavier's mansion, where the cannon fire brings Rogue rushing out on her balcony, wearing a robe over her nightgown. There she sees the town on fire and several pirates crashing through the gates. She stares in horror and then runs back inside and they start banging on the door.

Sam is heading for the door while she runs down the stairs.

"Don't!" she shouts, but alas, it is too late for Sam has already opened the door to his doom.

"Hello, chum," Lance says pleasantly before he takes his gun and shoots Sam in the chest. Rahne, watching off stage turns her head and trembles.

Rogue screams and covers her mouth as Sam falls to the floor, dead. Well, he's not really dead, but he's really good at laying still and pretending not to breathe. The pirates rush in, Lance and Toad first, and they head off with torches around the house. Lance and Toad look up at the stairs.

Toad notices Rogue and points his torch towards her. "Up there! Up there!"

Rogue takes off running back up the stairs. She runs into her room and locks the door. She turns around to run again and bumps straight into Kitty. They both scream.

"Miss Xavier!" Kitty states, "They've, like, totally come to kidnap you!"

"What?" Rogue asks.

"You're, like, the governor's daughter."

Lance's voice is heard, "In here!" He is banging against Rogue's dressing room door.

Realization dawns on Rogue's face. The girls glance at the door and then Rogue pushes Kitty towards a hiding place. "Listen, they haven't seen ya. Hide, and the first chance y'all get, run ta the fort." Rogue runs off in the opposite direction as the door burst open and Lance and Todd enter the room.

Rogue runs into her bedroom room and the two pirates take after her. As Lance comes to the doorway, Bang! He is hit in the head with the old-fashioned bed warmer. His eyes roll back into his head.

Kitty screeches and takes the opportunity to run out of the room.

Rogue goes to hit Todd with it, but he grabs the handle with his tongue. "Gotcha!" He tries to say, but it comes out more like, "Gaw-tha."

She struggles to get it out of his grasp and he switches to holding it with his hand so he can say, "Gotcha, haven't I? Boo! Boo!"

Rogue smirks at him and pulls the trigger. Hot coals rain down on his head. She pretends to freak out as he really freaks out. "No! No! No! It's hot! You burned me!"

Lance looks on in wonder as Rogue runs out and Pyro is laughing, uncontrollably, off stage. Lance glares at Pyro and then shoves Toad. "Come on!" He takes off after Rogue.

Kitty is just reaching the front door. She screams as she sees Sam lying on the floor surrounded by ketchup. She runs out and heads to the fort.

Rogue runs down the stairs, followed by Lance. Toad jumps from the balcony and lands directly in front of her, causing her to scream and Gambit to shuffle his cards faster. She looks from one to the other. She seems trapped.

A random extra pirate walks in holding a bunch of treasure. They all look at him. Just then, a cannon ball flies through the house and knocks the pirate back through the door he just came through.

Rogue sees her opportunity and runs through to the dining room, slamming the doors behind her. The chandelier crashes behind her, slowing Lance and Toad's progress. She takes a candlestick and locks the door with it. Then she rushes to the fireplace, where two mounted swords are hanging above the mantle. She grabs the sword and tries to take it out of the mount. Unfortunately, they are permanently mounted and the whole thing comes off the wall. She shakes it, but it won't come out, "No!"

The banging on the door becomes louder. She looks over, fear radiating from her face. The door crashes open and Lance and Toad burst in to find. . . an empty room.

Toad heads straight for the open window, but Lance holds him back. "We know you're here, poppet. Whatever a poppet is. . ."

Raven, annoyed, replies, "It's a British team of endearment that is used to address a sweet and dear person, especially a child. Now, back to the play."

"Poppet," Todd echoes.

"Come out and we promise we won't hurt you," Lances lies through his teeth.

"Eh?" Toad asks, rather confused. Lance looks at him as if he's an idiot, and Toad finally realizes Lance was lying.

"We will find you, poppet."

The camera focuses on Rogue's face. She is hiding in a china closet. A ray of light lies across her face.

"You've got something of ours and it calls to us," Lances claims as he and Todd walk silently around the room. He notices a corner of the rug in front of the china closet has been upturned. "The gold calls to us."

"Gold," Toad echoes nervously.

Rogue fingers the necklace and watches it glitter in the light. When, suddenly, the light disappears. She looks up to see lance's eye staring in at her. "Hello, poppet."

She gasps as he opens the doors. She immediately shouts out, "Parley." as Lance's gun stares her in the face.

"What?" he says, relaxing the gun a little.

"Parley. Ah invoke the right of parley. According ta the Code av the Brethren set down by the pirates Apocalypse and Callisto, y'all have ta take me ta your captain," she says, all in one breath.

"I know the Code," Lance says, angry that she would think he didn't. He still has his gun in her face.

"If an adversary demands parley, you can do them no harm until the parley is complete," she insists.

"To blazes with the Code," Toad says, taking out his sword.

"She wants to be taken to the captain," Lance yells at him. "And she'll go without a fuss. We must honor the Code."

Back in the town, two pirates crash a barrel through a window. Other pirates are setting things on fire.

Remy is still fighting Julien. Julien is fighting with a huge grapple. He ends up hooking Remy around the neck and pulling him in. "Say goodbye."

Just in time, a cannon ball hits the window above them, knocking a sign down. It collapses and Remy is able to duck out in time. Julien isn't so lucky. "Goodbye," Remy says. He heads back out into the main street, just in time to see the group of pirates from the mansion dragging Rogue along.

"Remy," she calls.

"Come on," Lance hollers at her.

"Anna," he says, fixing to chase after them.

That's when Blob steps into his line of view and waves. Remy looks extremely confused. Blob looks meaningfully down. Remy follows his gaze and sees a lit bomb. He backs up as the fuse winds to it's end. Nothing happens. Blob's smirk disappears and Remy's returns.

But two pirates, one of which is Paul, come by, carrying a chest full of treasure. "Out of my way, scum," Paul says. He then takes a candlestick and hits Remy over the head, knocking him unconscious. Blob runs off laughing.

Back at the prison, Pyro is watching all this happen. His eyes grow large and he ducks as a cannon ball crashes into the prison wall.

He looks up to see the cannon ball made a huge hole, right in the next cell. As the four prisoners climb through, Kurt stops. "My sympathies, freund. You've no manner of luck at all."

He climbs through and Pyro rests his head against the stone as they climb the rocks down below. He rushes back and grabs the marrow bone through the bars. He sticks it through and starts whistling.

Rahne had hidden under a bench during the cannon fire.

"Come on, Doggy," he calls. "It's just you and me now." Rahne comes halfway out from under the bench. "It's you and Saint Johnnie, now. Come on." Rahne comes completely out from under the bench and stands up. "Come on. That's a girl. Good girl. Come get the bone." Rahne starts walking towards him. "That's a good shelia. Come on. A bit closer. A bit closer." Rahne has almost reached the cell now. "That's it. That's it, doggy. Come on, you filthy, slimy, mangy cur," he states in a sing-song voice.

A door closes and catches Rahne's attention.

"Don't do that," Pyro whines.

Rahne gets scared and runs off.

"No, no!" Pyro calls. "I didn't mean it! I didn't!"

The sound of fighting is loud and a random extra soldier falls head over heels down the stairs and two pirates, Alex and Sabretooth, barge into the prison.

"This ain't the armory, dude," Alex states.

Sabretooth catches sight of Pyro and sheaths his sword. "Well, well, well. Look what we have here, Havok. Captain St. John Allerdyce." Victor spits.

"Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance," Alex says, though he mutters under his breath about calling any island godforsaken. "His fortunes aren't improved much."

"Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen," Pyro remarks. "The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers."

Sabretooth growls and sticks a clever IAR device through the bars. It looks like his arm has turned into a skeletal arm that grasps Pyro's neck.

"So there is a curse," Pyro says. "That's interesting."

"You know nothing of hell," Sabretooth growls. He jerks Pyro's neck and pulls away, hiding the IAR arm and making it look like his arm turned back to normal. Sabretooth and Alex leave the room.

Pyro stares at the marrowbone, "That's very interesting."

The scene changes. The moon is blocked by a rolling cloud, due to everyone's favorite weather witch. The _Black Pearl_ continues to fire on the fort and the town. Two life boats return to the ship. One of which carries Rogue, Lance and Toad. Rogue stares in awe at the huge vessel and then back down at her feet.

Aboard the ship, Magneto watches as the pirates scurry around, sorting the loot. More pirates climb onto the ship from the lifeboats. Lance and Toad help Rogue up. She can see Magneto standing tall and imposing at the top of the stairs. An IAR monkey chatters and jumps onto his shoulder. He represses the impulse to shudder.

Lance drags Rogue along towards the stairs until he is stopped by the Juggernaut.

"I didn't know we was taking on captives," he growls at Lance, still unhappy about not having his armored suit.

Lance looks up at him and says nervously, "She's invoked the right of parley with Captain Lensherr."

"I'm here to. . ." but she is cut off by Cain's slap across her face. At this point, the card in Gambit's hand starts glowing and Piotr has to nudge him to get his attention before it's put out.

"You'll speak when you're spoken too." Cain orders her.

Before Gambit can make any comments about Xavier's step brother hitting his girlfriend, Magneto grabs Juggernaut's raised hand. "And you'll not lay a hand on those under the protection of parley."

Glaring at Magneto, Cain replies, "Aye, sir." And snatches his hand back down as if to prove that he can find a way to break out of Raven's telepathic control.

"My apologies, miss," Magneto says to Rogue.

Pretending to be nervous, Rogue starts her speech, "Captain Lensherr, Ah'm here ta negotiate the cessation av hostilities against Port Royal."

Rogue might have mentioned something about the amount of rather large, incomprehensible words in that line if Magneto's next line hadn't been, "There were a lot of long words in there, miss. We're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?"

"Ah want ya ta die. . ." Rogue mutters.

"Rogue!" Lightning and Raven both sigh.

"Stop doing that!" Scott screams.

"Okay fine, Ah'll stick ta your stupid script. . ." Rogue growls. "Ah want y'all ta leave and neveh come back."

The pirate crew start laughing. Magneto doesn't. Instead, he states, "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." When Rogue stares blankly at him, he says, "means no."

"Very well," Rogue says and taking the medallion, heads to the edge of the boat. The pirates all take a step forward in fear. Rogue holds the necklace over the water. "Ah'll drop it."

No emotion shows on Magneto's face as he says, "My holds are bursting with . . . swag, is it? Yes. Oh stop looking at me like that, Raven, I'll start over. . . My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to us?" he looks over at his crew. "Why?"

Rogue looks confused. "It's what y'all've been searchin' fer . Ah recognise this ship. Ah saw it eight years ago on the crossin' from Bayville."

"Did you, now," Magneto says with a nod of his head.

"Fine," she says with determination. "Well, Ah suppose if it _is_ worthless, then there's no point in me keepin' it." And she lets the necklace drop.

The pirates all step forward in fear and Magneto cries out, "No!"

Rogue stops the necklace at the last possible moment. The opens her jaw with the look that says 'Oh, I was right.'

Magneto laughs nervously and steps slowly towards her. She brings the necklace close to her once again.

"You have a name, missy?"

Rogue cringes at being called "missy" and says, "Anna. . . LeBeau."

"Remy likes the sound of t'at."

"Shut up, Swamp Rat, ya ruined my line!"

"But it just sounded so sweet to Remy's ears," he says sighing.

"Ah only said it cause it was in the script and don'tcha be thinkin' otherwise ,ya dirty ol'. . ."

"Rogue!" Raven calls, her eyes glowing brightly, "Remember that's mon _pere_ you are speaking to and my _play_ you are ruining!"

Rogue rolls her eyes. "And Ah'm your motheh."

"But she's a Daddy's girl. . ." Lightning warns, at which point Gambit smirks at Rogue.

"Oh yeah, Ah forgot about that," Rogue sighs. She turns back towards Magneto. "Ah'm a maid in the governoh's household."

Magneto's eyes grow large as he turns back to face his crew. "Miss LeBeau."

Murmurs erupt amongst the crew. Lance turns to Toad and says, "Bootstrap."

Magneto turns back towards her, "And how does a maid own a trinket such as that? Family heirloom, perhaps?"

"Ah didn't steal it, if that's what ya mean," Rogue grumbles.

"Very well," Magneto agrees. "You hand it over and we'll put your town to our rudder and never return."

She drops it into his hand without hesitation. He hands it to the IAR monkey who, chattering and slightly sparking jumps onto a rope. Fortunately, the rope does not catch fire from the sparks.

Rogue starts to get nervous, "Our bargain?"

He turns around and nods to Cain and then walks off.

"Still the guns and stow them," Juggernaut calls out. He Keeps on ordering the crew the get the boat ready.

Rogue runs after Magneto, "Wait! You have to take me to shore! According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren. . ."

Erik stops and swerves around to face her, "First, your return to shore was not a part of our negotiations nor our agreement. So I must do nothing. And second, you must be a pirate for the Pirate's Code to apply, and you're not. And thirdly, the Code's more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules. Welcome aboard the_ Black Pearl_, Miss LeBeau." He turns back around and heads up the stairs.

Lance and Toad each grab her by the arm and start pulling her off screen.

"And cut!" Raven says, "Finally! That was practically a massacre of the script!"

"Oh, now," Lightning starts, "don't you think you're exaggerating, maybe a little?"

"No!" she shouts.

"Even a little bit?"

"Not even a little bit."

Gambit rolls his eyes and then interrupts them. "Now, who should Remy kill first? Lance and Toad, for dragging Rogue by t'e arm. . . Julien, because Remy hates him. . . Paul, for hitting Remy on t'e head. . . or t'e Juggernaut, for hitting Rogue."

"Hey!" Lance says, "that was all in the script!"

Gambit fingers the Ace of Spades gingerly. "Remy don't care 'bout t'e script, mon ami."

Cain Marko laughs. "You can't kill me. I'm the unstoppable Juggernaut."

"You want Remy should try?" Remy says.

Rogue rolls her eye, "It ain't worth it, Swamp Rat. It _was_ in the script."

"Mais, chere, your cheek is all red," he whines.

"Ah can handle myself, Cajun!" she yells, "Ah don't need a knight in shinin' armor runnin' ta my rescue all the time!"

"Just t'is once, chere?" he whines.

"No!"

"Please!"

"No!"

"Pretty please!"

"No!"

And this seems like a good place to leave, so we shall.

* * *

A/N: In my absence, a ton of junk has occurred in my real life. I was writing this chapter, but when I'd gotten half way into it, my life was interrupted. I woke up one morning and had to rush to the hospital, where I learned, several hours later that I would be needing a c-section. So, anyway, my daughter was born that day. So, it turns out, being 3 weeks early, she wasn't fully ready to be born yet and had to stay in the hospital for nine days. But that's getting ahead of the story. . . before I left the hospital, my niece was rushed to the ER with appendicitis and the same night my husband's grandparent's house burnt to the ground. I house that was over a hundred years old and paid off. So, yeah, THAT was a great day. . . sarcasm. Okay, so nine days after my daughter was born, I was able to bring her home, on my birthday. That was a happy day. But I was still in way too much pain to sit at the computer. Three days later, I had to rush her back to the NICU and two days later, she is home again. . . So, several days of simply resting and worrying and trying to adjust to having three children and even less sleep than I was getting before. . . and we'll see how fast these updates start coming. . .

Next up, Remy calls on the infamous Captain St. John Allerdyce to help him save Rogue. . .

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	6. Scene 5: The Search For Rogue

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . get ready for Romyness. :)

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . . 

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 5: The Search For Rogue.

Remy walks in, grumbling and muttering terrible phrases in Creole.

"What's the matteh, Sugah?" Rogue asks, amused. "Ah thought ya said y'all were gonna enjoy this play?"

"Remy's changed his mind. Pirates or no, He hates watching ot'er guys mistreating his girl."

"_Youh_ girl?" Rogue says with an exasperated tone. "And does that mean it would be okay if it was_ y'all_ mistreating me?"

"T'at is not what Remy said!" he cries out.

"Well, now. That's how it sounded, Swamp Rat!" Rogue argues.

"Ugh, Do you, like, have to argue this early in the morning?" Kitty asks, holding her head and carrying a bottle of aspirin.

"Yes!" they both say. Scott shivers and tries to stop the tears from coming down.

"What else is there ta do?" Rogue asks.

"I don't know. . ." Raven says, stepping out of the shadows and making all the cast members jump.

"How about _the play_?" Lightning suggests.

Raven's face is highly amused. She's used to listening to Rogue and Gambit fighting, not to mention, she loves making other people jump in fright. "Lights! Camera! Action!"

The camera zooms in on Remy as he lays in the middle of the road. IAR chickens scurry about looking for fresh grain and insects. Suddenly, Remy opens his eyes. He rubs his head and moans as he stands up. He looks at the scene in front of him. He is shocked that it is daylight and people are trying to clean up the mess the pirates left behind.

The scene changes and two soldier extras carry a fake dead body past a porch-like thing where a table is set up. Around the table are Scott, Xavier, Beast, Roberto, Ray, and a few extras. Scott and Xavier are looking at a map.

Remy runs up to them, hatchet in hand. "T'ey've taken her. T'ey've taken Anna."

Without looking up, Scott says dryly, "Mr. Crisp, remove this man."

Ray goes up to Remy, but Remy waves his hand away and Ray backs off. "We have to hunt t'em down. We must save her."

Xavier looks up at him. "And where do you propose we start?"

"Hmmm, cerebro?" Remy asks.

"Gambit!" Raven yells, holding onto a deck of cards that all share a familiar glow. She starts muttering rather rude things to him in Creole.

Lightning grabs her arm. "Just, stick to the script, Gambit." Then, turning to Raven, "You really need anger management classes."

"And you need a head shrink," Raven retorts, before sending him flying across the studio with her telekinesis. "Okay, then, back to the play."

Xavier continues his lines, "If you have any information concerning my daughter, please share it." There is a desperate tone to his voice.

When all remains quiet, Ray speaks up, "That St. John Allerdyce, he talked about the _Black Pearl_."

"Mentioned it is more what he did," Roberto says condescendingly.

Ray glares at him.

Remy looks back at Scott, "Ask him where it is. Make a deal wit' him. He could lead us to it."

"No," Scott says, still not looking up. "The pirates who invaded this fort left Allerdyce locked in his cell, ergo they are _not_ his allies."

"What kind of a word is ergo?" Bobby asks.

"The kind of word that you would know if you paid attention during class, instead of making ice sculptures to impress the girls," Beast remarks.

"We're not impressed," Rahne, Jubilee, Amara, and Tabby all say. Scott screams and bangs his head on the table over and over again.

Beast growls at them. "It means. . ."

Logan interrupts him, "Who gives a care what it means, Hank. You know what it means to me? It means, Raven is going to blow our heads off if you all don't SHUT UP!"

"How true it is," Raven says with a growl.

"Oops," Bobby says, "Sorry."

"You had better be," Lightning says. "Back to the play, Scott."

Scott stops banging his head against the table and turns to Xavier. "Governor, we will establish their most likely course. . ."

He is interrupted by Remy taking the hatchet and slamming it down onto the table. "T'at's not good enough!" He yells, imagining if Rogue were really missing and this was all they would do to find her, how he would feel. Raven smirks at him, reading his thoughts.

Scott turns and looks at the ax. He takes it out of the table and says, "Mr. LeBeau, you are not a military man. You are not a sailor. You are a blacksmith." He's enjoying this part. He grabs Remy's arm and drags him out into the street. "And this is not the moment for rash actions." Looking in Remy's eyes, which is hard, because of the height difference, he says quietly, "Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only man here who cares for Anna." Remy just looks at him.

The Scene changes to the prison, where Pyro is rather miserable. He is trying to pick the lock with the marrowbone. He hears a door open, stops and jumps back away from the door, leaving the marrowbone inside the lock.

The visitor is not a prison guard, as he supposed, but Remy. "You. Allerdyce," Remy says. You are familiar wit' t'at ship. T'e _Black Pearl._"

"I've heard of it, mate," Pyro says, still laying down.

"Where does it make berth?" Remy says, and no one decides to ask about _that_ word considering the look on Raven's face and the unnatural glowing of her yellow eyes.

"Where does it make berth?" Pyro repeats in a tone that implies it was a stupid question. "Have you not heard the stories? Captain Lensherr and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found, except by those who already know where it is."

"T'e ship's real enough," Remy says, "T'erefore, it's anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"

"Why ask me, bloke?" Pyro wants to know.

"Because you're a pirate," Remy spits out.

"And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?"

Remy's eyes glow and then turn back to normal as he grabs the bars in frustration, "Never." He calms down and then states, "T'ey took Miss Xavier."

"Oh," Pyro says, bracing himself on his arms, "So, it is that you found a girl. I see. Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue, and so win the fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me." He laughs his trademark insane laugh.

Raven rolls her eyes, but lets it pass.

"Remy can get you out of here."

"How's that? The key's run off."

"Remy helped build t'ese cells. T'ese are half-pin barrel hinges." He turns and grabs a bench that happens to be nearby. "Wit' t'e right leverage and t'e proper application of strength," he places the feet of the bench in the holes of the cell and states, "t'e door will lift free."

"What's your name?" Pyro asks.

"Remy LeBeau."

Pyro thinks for a while. . . "Hey, the rest of the script doesn't make sense anymore, cause Remy isn't short for anything."

Raven groans and checks the script. "Well, skip that line, and the next one. Say something else about his father instead."

He sits up. "Good, strong name. No doubt your last name's the same as your father's, eh?"

Remy rolls his eyes, "Yes."

"Uh-huh." Pyro sits for a moment and then gets up, "Well, Mr. LeBeau, I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the _Black Pearl_ and your bonny sheila. Do we have an accord, mate?" He sticks his hand through the holes.

Remy grabs his hand and shakes it, "agreed."

"Agreed. Get me out."

Remy pushes down on the bench and the door pops right off with a loud bang. "Hurry, someone will have heard t'at."

Pyro rushes out of the cell, "Not without my effects," and he grabs his stuff from a hook.

The scene changes and Remy and Pyro are seen running under a bridge near the dock. They stop and look at the ships.

"We're going to steal t'e ship?" Remy asks nervously. Well, he's pretending to be nervous. I mean, it's not like he's never stolen anything in his life before. . . "T'at ship?" he asks, looking at the _Dauntless_.

"Commandeer," John replies. "We're going to commandeer _that_ ship." And he points to the_ Interceptor. "_Nautical term. One question about your business, mate, or there's no use going. This girl. How far are you willing to go to save her?"

"Remy would die for her," he says truthfully, making Rogue blush with happiness off stage. Though, she's trying to hide it.

"Oh, good," Pyro responds, rather flippantly. "No worries, then."

The scene changes again and Roberto, Ray and two soldier extras march by a line of canoes by the shore.

Suddenly, one of the canoes starts moving. Four legs peek out from underneath it.

Next the camera shows the dock, only from underneath it, as Remy and Pyro guide the canoe at the bottom of the sea bed. Inside the canoe is quite a bit of air. Remy is surprised. "T'is is either madness or brilliance."

"That's what Wanda keeps saying. . ." Pyro says with wonder.

"Pyro!" Lightning shouts angrily.

"Stick to the script," Raven says, patting his flame thrower significantly.

"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide," John says with a gulp.

Remy steps in a crab trap and looks down. He can't get it off, so he just keeps walking. The trap is tied to a barrel floating on the surface. As the barrel floats by, Leech, who is fishing off the dock, watches it with wonder.

The scene changes to the _Dauntless_, where the crab trap is tied to the rudder. The barrel is tied higher up.

Remy and Johnny climb up to the top and onto the ship. Pyro is holding his gun and Remy, his sword. Suddenly, while climbing down stairs, John yells out, "Everyone stay calm! We're taking over the ship!"

"Aye! Avast!" Remy says.

John looks at him like_ he's_ crazy. Bobby's crew starts laughing, while Bobby just stands there glaring.

For once in his life, Bobby takes something seriously. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay."

Shaking a little, just for fun, John replies, "Mate, I'm Captain St. John Allerdyce," while sticking the gun in Bobby's face and cocking it. "Savvy?"

On the dock, Beast is talking to some miscellaneous soldier extras, while more extras are loading the _Interceptor_. Scott is facing him and looking at some charts. He turns to talk to Scott and sees something in the distance, "Commodore!"

Bobby shouts out, "Sir! They've taken the Dauntless!" But you can barely hear it, because he forgot to do it into the microphone.

Scott looks through his telescope and sees Bobby and his crew of extras on a life boat. Bobby shouts out again, "Commodore, They've taken the ship!" He points to the _Dauntless_. Scott moves the glass over the ship and sees two men working it. "Allerdyce and LeBeau have taken the _Dauntless_!"

Scott says in a bored tone, "Rash, LeBeau. Too rash. This is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen."

Remy runs up the steps to John, who's behind the wheel. "Here t'ey come."

John looks out and sees the life boat heading back to shore and the _Interceptor_ heading straight towards them. He smiles. Everything is going according to plan.

Suddenly Bobby decides to go back and help Scott with a, "Bring her around! Bring her around!"

The _Interceptor _pulls up next to the _Dauntless_ and they hurl grappling hooks to the _Dauntless_. Tons of soldier extras flood the larger ship. In fact, every crew member on the _Interceptor_ heads off to the _Dauntless_. Including Scott who orders, "Search every cabin, every hull, down to the bilges."

And while this is happening, Remy and John swing back to the _Interceptor_. And with Remy's trusty hatchet, he cuts every rope tying the two ships together. The _Interceptor_ begins to move faster. Wooden planks they had used to board the _Dauntless_ fall into the water creating a big splash.

Scott stops in his tracks. He slowly turns around. "Sailors, back to the_ Interceptor_! Now!"

One extra attempts this death defying stunt, only to end up flipping into the water. Scott and Beast rush to the edge and watch as the ship sails away.

Pyro takes his hat off and addresses Scott, "Thank ye, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way! We'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves."

Some soldier extras fire their blank-filled guns at the ship. This, of course, does absolutely nothing.

Scott, looking positively outraged, turns and walks off, saying to Beast, "set topsails and clear up this mess."

Beast argues, "With the wind, we won't catch them."

"I don't need to," Scott declares. "Just get them in range of the long nines."

"Hands, come about!" Warren calls.

"Run out the guns!" Beast orders. Then, quietly, where only Scott can hear, "We are to fire on our own ship, sir?"

"I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate."

And finally, Evan gets to say his line, "Commodore, dude, he's disabled the rudder chain, sir."

And that's about the time Bobby's life boat is reaching the ship. . . He sees the ship isn't turning. "Abandon ship!" Everyone in the lifeboat dives into the sea in one direction or the other as the lifeboat crashes against the _Dauntless_.

The look on Scott's face clearly states how large of an idiot he believes Bobby to be at this moment.

"Hey! It was in the script!" Bobby calls, earning him a telekinetic slap from Raven LeBeau.

Scott hangs his head in shame.

Beast grins as he says, "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."

Scott raises his head and replies, "So it would seem."

The camera follows the _Interceptor. _Remy starts a conversation with John, because, face it, it's gonna be a long trip. . . "When Remy was a lad living in Bayville, ma mere raised Remy by herself. After she died, Remy came out here, looking for his pere."

"Is that so?" John asked, not at all interested.

"Remy's fat'er, Jean-Luc LeBeau. It was only after you learnt Remy's name you agreed to help. Since t'at's what Remy wanted, he didn't press t'e matter. Remy's not a simpleton, St. John."

"Depends on who yer askin'," Rogue retorts.

Raven's eye glow very eerily. "If you weren't Rogue, I'd have blasted you through a brick wall for that statement," she says calmly.

Rogue shrugs, "But Ah _am_, so ya ain't gonna."

"Just stop insulting my father," Raven growls.

Rogue shrugs, "_what_eveh."

"Can we get back to Remy's big scene and he will discuss Rogue's _rude comment_ wit' her later?" He asks.

Both girls turn around with the same Death Glare on their faces, "You stay out of this!" they yell. Scott faints dead away.

"Now look what you've done," Jean growls and fetches some smelling salts. "And _I'm_ the only one who will revive him."

"You're the only one who cares. . ." Lightning answers. And Raven laughs. Everyone looks at her.

"What? I laugh. . . when I find things funny. . ." she defends.

"Okay. . ." Kitty says.

Remy's had enough. He continues with his lines, "You knew Remy's pere."

John stops tying a knot and turns to face him. "I knew him. Probably one of the few who knew him as Jean-Luc LeBeau. Everyone else called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap John."

"Bootstrap?" Remy questions.

"Good man. Good pirate." Remy looks shocked. "I swear, mate, you look just like him." Pyro moves towards the wheel.

"C'est not true!" Remy declares."He was a merchant sailor. A good respectable man who obeyed t'e law." And at this point Remy starts laughing almost as insanely as Pyro normally laughs. "Ha! Jean-Luc. . ." more laughter, "respectable. . . ha!" Here he laughs even more, "obeyed t'e law! Ha!"

Raven is standing now and tapping her foot.

"Oh, um," he settles down. "Sorry, Peu d'ange."(1)

And of course, she calms down with a happy smile on her face.

"He was a bloody pirate. A scallywag. What a funny word. Oops sorry, Raven, please don't hurt my flame thrower!"

Raven rolls her eyes.

"Mon pere was not a pirate!" Remy insists, drawing his sword.

"Put it away, mate. It's not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat Remy. You ignored t'e rules of engagement. In a fair fight, Remy'd kill you."

Pyro turns to face him, "That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, is it?"

He turns the sail and the . . . beam-like thing that the sail is attached to turns and hits Remy in the stomach. He fortunately had the foresight to lift his arms and grab a hold of it. He is left hanging on to it over the ocean. The sword, he dropped on the deck.

Pyro picks up the sword. "Now, as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these. What a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. Pirate is in your blood, mate, so you'll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example. I can let you drown. But I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So." Here he turns the wheel the other way and the sail comes back and Remy falls onto the deck. He places the end of the sword at Remy's throat. "Can you sail under the command of a pirate?" He flips the sword around and catches the blade, letting Remy grab the handle. "Or can you not?" Pyro and Raven are both very proud that he got through the whole speech without any distractions.

"Tortuga?"

"Tortuga," John say with a grin.

The scene changes to a group of cliffs that hide a bay, wherein lays a small town near the water. The _Interceptor_ sails towards it.

Lots of extra pirates fill the small town of Tortuga. One is dragged by the camera. Others fight and shoot guns into the air. A wagon rides by a house full of men shooting guns and scantily clad weapon of ill-repute.

"More importantly, it is indeed a sad life," Pyro is telling Remy, as they walk up an alley beside the house, where several supposed drunk extras lay or sit on barrels of water marked ale, "that has never breathed deep this sweet bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy? What do you think?"

Remy looks around and sees Tabby's dad, pretending to be a different drunk, pouring two glasses of the "ale" into his mouth at once. Remy rolls his unique eyes. "It'll linger."

At the sound of Pyro saying, "I'll tell you, mate, if every bloody town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted," Tabby looks up sharply. She is wearing a ridiculous amount of makeup and a bright yellow dress. She stalks over to them. "Tabby!" Pyro says happily, running to meet her. She slaps him across the face and stalks off. "Not sure I deserved that." He turns around to see another girl standing there. "Raven."

"Who was she?" Mystique asks, clearly upset.

"What?" John asks. She slaps him across the face and stalks off angrily. "I may have deserved that."

The scene changes to inside a barn, where Logan lays sleeping, dreaming of shock devices and all the horrible things that were done to him in Weapon X. His head lays on a pile of pigs who are also sleeping. Pyro throws a bucket of water on him, setting off the shock device in his collar. He twitches around for a while, then shouts, claws out, "Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot!" Pyro stands there next to Remy, holding the bucket and smiling. With a glare in Raven's direction, Logan slowly retracts his claws, "Mother's love! St. John! You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck."

Pyro retorts, "Ah, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking."

Logan growls, then smiles unwillingly and says, "Aye, that'll about do it." He takes Pyro's offered hand and stands up.

At this time, Remy has t he bucket and throws the water on him. Logan twitches again as the electricity from his shock device courses through his body. "Couldn't you have turned that thing off for this scene?" he howls at Raven.

Raven says, with a evilly sweet grin, "Oops, sorry Wolverine. I must have forgotten."

"You never forget anything," Lightning reminds her.

"And _you_ never know when to keep your mouth shut, Mr Welsh."

"Oh, now don't start that _Mr. Welsh junk_, Ms. LeBeau!"

"Look who's talking _now_!"

"Can we_ please_ just get on with the play?" Logan demands.

Raven looks at him, her eyes glowing. "Remember a while back, when we mentioned not interrupting lover's quarrels?"

"Huh?" Logan asks, not fully understanding. In the meantime, Raven has used her telekinesis to lift a bucket full of water over him head. She suddenly drops it, bucket and all. The water make his shock device go off again, and she continues her argument with Lightning.

About the time that Wolverine is coming too, they end the fight. Pietro quickly fixes the set, and several cast members come out from their hiding places. "On with the play," Raven orders.

Logan glares at Remy, "Blast! I'm already awake, Gumbo!"

"T'at was for t'e smell," smirks Remy.

The scene changes to a bar, where Pyro is walking carrying two mugs of tea that's supposed to be ale. He walks next to Remy and says, "You keep a sharp eye," then heads to the table where Logan sits.

Remy watches men fighting and notices Jean looking drunk. "Helloooo Cajhun. . ." she mutters.

"Wait, Jean doesn't have a speaking part," Remy complains. "An' she smells like bourbon."

Raven rolls her eyes, "Jean, dear, how exactly did you get a hold of bourbon?"

Jean laughs, "Shabretooth bet me I coul'n't, he bet me I coul'n't drink a, hold my liquor, he shaid." Here she nearly throws up. "But Logan and I proved wrim hong, we did!"

"Logan!" Raven shouts, "Victor!"

"Would you believe we did it for the play?" Logan whimpers, worried about being shocked again.

"Yeah," Sabretooth returns. "The cow was having a problem pretending to be drunk, so we got her drunk."

Jean laughs, "Shabretooth called me a cow," she laughs. "Hey! He called me a cow! Shcott! Hit him wif your shuper eye beam thingysh."

"Super eye beam thingys?" Scott asks with a strangely confused look on his face.

She passes out.

"Somebody wake her up!" Lightning orders. Everyone looks at Scott.

"What?"

"Allow me," Logan says and throws a bucket of water on her.

She wakes up with a start. "Hey! Logan! Why did you do that?" She asks, still very drunk, but now awake.

He shrugs, "just wanted to see it happen to somebody else."

Raven groans. "Places people, let's just finish this scene."

At the table, Logan asks, "Now, what's the nature of the venture of yourn? Yourn? Forget I asked."

"I'm going after the _Black Pearl_." Pyro states.

Logan nearly chokes on his tea.

"I know where it's gonna be, and I'm gonna take it."

"St. John, it's a fool's errand, not that I don't think you're a fool, and all, but. . ." Logan says.

"Logan, stick to the script," Raven says demurely, holding her hand over the button on the remote to his shock device.

He gulps and nods his head. "You know better than me the tales of the _Black Pearl_."

Johnny nods, "That's why I know what Lensherr's up to, mate. All I need is a crew."

"From what I hear of Captain Lensherr," Logan responds, "he's not a man to suffer fools, or strike a bargain with one, bub."

"Well then, I'd say it's a very good thing I'm not a fool," John replies, to which Wanda laughs rather loudly.

"Prove me wrong," Wolverine growls. "What makes you think Lensherr will give up his ship to you?"

"Let's just say it's a matter of leverage," he nods in Remy's direction.

Remy looks over at them, he clearly overheard the words, but chooses to ignore them for the time being. Besides, Jean is headed his way and she is still drunk.

Logan grunts, he doesn't understand.

Pyro nods more dramatically at Remy. He nods again at the dumb look on Logan's face and the shaking of his puzzled head. It takes two more nods before Logan catches on and looks at Remy.

Remy is standing next to Jean, glaring at Sabretooth and then at Logan and trying to make sure she doesn't vomit on his shoes. She is smiling and wobbling back and forth, trying to get Remy to look down the blouse of her prostitute costume. It's not working. Pietro is taking pictures again and Rogue is laughing her head off at him. So, he glares at his beloved as well. Jean bumps into him, laughing, nearly knocking him over, but his natural agility won't allow that. He manages to keep her from falling on her butt as well.

"The Kid?" Logan asks.

Pyro nods. "That is the child of Bootstrap John LeBeau. His only child, savvy?"

"Is he, now?" Logan growls, looking at Remy again.

Remy is still glowering at Jean, who's now flirting with a drunken extra.

"'Leverage,' says you," Logan spits out. "'I think I feel a change in the wind,' says I. I'll find us a crew. There's bound to be some sailors on this rock as crazy as you."

"I resent that remark!" Wanda says, remembering that she happens to be one of those "crazy sailors."

"It's in the script!" Logan reminds her.

"One can only hope," John says, winking at Wanda, who rolls her eyes. Take what you can," he raises his glass.

"Give nothing back," Logan says with a fake smile. They cling they're glasses together, and they both drink the rest of the tea in one gulp, managing to slam the mugs down at the same time.

Scott considers shuddering, but decides against it.

"And cut!" Raven calls out. "Vous malheureux, petits, couillons, drigailles . ." (2)she trails off in Creole, pacing and then says, "Actors!" in English, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Surely, we aren't bad as all that," Remy complains.

"She only rants in Cajun when she's_ really_ mad," Lightning explains.

"Ah, perphaps Remy should back off, ain?" he says half-scared.

"Good idea." Raven growls before returning to her Cajun rant.

Jean has been hanging on Gambit all this time, "Would someone get this crazy fille off Remy?"

"Ah will!" Rogue says, punching Jean in the face. Jean falls down and hits her butt hard.

"Ouch. Whatcha go an' do that for, Ro. . Rog. . .ah whatever you name is?" Jean asks, really, really drunk.

"Stay away from _my_ man!" Rogue answers.

"Ah, Roguey, Remy's so touched."

"Shut up, you stupid Cajun!" Rogue growls.

Raven's head snaps in her direction, "What did you say?"

"Uh, time to hide," Evan says, as a table flies into him. "Ahh!"

Lightning speaks up, "Raven, darling, you can't hurt your mother."

"Hmm, you're right. I'll just take out my anger on Evan."

"Good idea," says everyone, including Scott, who immediately screams and runs off, and we will leave and let Raven beat Evan into a pulp.

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A/N:(1) For those of you who haven't read my Sleeping Beauty parody, Peu d'ange means Little Angel. 

(2) I had to look up the last two words, but the phrase basically means "You miserable, little, stupid, trashy people. . ." And we won't even imagine what else Raven said about the actors.

I've been a bit sick, but I'm doing better now. Only, I have no time at all now. Lol. Ahh, the joys of having three kids.

Next up, Rogue has a fancy dinner with Magneto and the _Black Pearl_ arrives at Isla de Muerta.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . .


	7. Scene 6: Dining on the High Seas

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean nor koolaid. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . slight implied Jonda ahead. . . Thank you all for your patience! This is a very long chapter, but it's here!

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 6: Dining on the High Seas.

Evan is wheeled in on a dolly. He is covered in bandages from head to toe. Actually, it a full body cast with small openings for his eyes, mouth and nose. Ororo is feeding him baby food through a straw.

"That ought to teach him," Raven says with a huge grin on her face. She's in a very good mood today. Beating Evan to a pulp usually has that effect on everyone.

"Teach him what? He didn't do anything. . ." Lightning says.

"To not be in the wrong place at the right time," she says, almost laughing, but not quite.

"So. . ." he continues, "I guess this means you're not mad at your mother anymore. . ."

"Rogue? Why would I be mad at her? Momma fixed my favorite for dinner last night." Raven says, refusing to be drawn into yet another fight.

Rogue walks up, "Ah hate ta break it to ya, but Ah can't cook all that good."

Raven grins at her, "I know, Papa's the real cook, but last night in my dimension, Momma fixed gumbo because Papa was away on a mission and Rachel and I missed him so much. So, because of that, I'm willing to forgive _you_."

"Do you know how complicated that sounds?" Lightning asks.

"Yes."

"Okay, then, just asking."

"I know what!" Raven says excitedly. "Let's start the play! Lights! Camera! Action!"

The full moon shines on torn black sails with a blue light. The _Black Pearl_ sails through the waters with all the grace of a aged lion. Deep within an elegant chamber, Toad and Lance walk in, carrying a dress. Rogue turns when they stop and walks towards them.

"You'll be dining with the captain," Lance informs her. "And he requests you wear this." He holds the magenta dress out to her.

"Y'all may tell the captain that Ah am disinclined to acquiesce to his request."

Lance glances at Toad and then back to Rogue grinning, "He said you'd say that." He stops grinning, "He also said, if that be the case, you'll be dining with the crew. And you'll be naked." At this point Gambit is glaring dangerously in Lance's direction. Piotr shoves a script in front of his face to remind him that it's in the script.

Toad giggles.

Rogue glares and then pretends to be shocked. She grabs the dress and raises her eyebrows.

"Fine." Lance says.

The scene changes and Rogue hurriedly puts the new hideous dress on. Extras place fancy food and silverware on a table in front of Magneto and Rogue. Sabretooth lights some romantic-looking taper candles. He blows out his match. More food is placed on the table. Rogue cuts the roast pig.

"Hmm, it smells good. Who cooked?" Magneto asks.

"Ororo," Raven and Lightning say. Scott screams in terror.

"Gee Scott," Storm says in an offended tone, and stops giving Evan his straw. "My cooking isn't that bad." She turns back to feeding Evan his baby food.

Scott slams his hand into his head. "It's not your cooking I'm afraid of. . ."

"Oh," she says, pulling the straw out again. "Then why did you scream?"

"Because of this!" Raven and Lightning says, both wearing evil grins.

And this time Scott faints after he screams.

"And now," Raven says cheerily. "Let's get back to work, now that the nature of the food has been determined. It won't kill you. I wouldn't let _Rogue_ eat anything that Jean or Kitty made."

"Gee thanks. . ." Magneto groans.

Rogue takes a rather delicate bite. It's very un-Roguelike.

Magneto watches her anxiously. "There's no need to stand on ceremony, nor call to impress anyone." She looks at him. "You must be hungry."

At that she takes up the pork leg and starts eating heartily. "Man, Ororo, this is good!"

Raven, being in such a good mood, decides to ignore her out-of-script remark.

As the boat rocks, the plates move back and forth. With learned precision, Magneto manages not to spill a drop of the grape juice he's pouring. Rogue grabs a roll and bites into it. Magneto holds the wine goblet to her. "Try the wine." She grabs it and takes a drink. He holds out an apple towards her. "And the apples. One of those next?"

She stops eating, looks at the monkey and then glares at the green apple and remembers Rogue White. She drops the bread. "It's poisoned."

Magneto laughs. "There would be no sense to be killing you, Ms. LeBeau."

"Then release me. Ya have yer trinket. Ah'm of no furtheh value ta y'all."

He pulls the necklace out of his pocket. "You don't know what this is, do you?"

Rogue shrugs, "It's a pirate medallion."

"This is Aztec gold." He says slowly in awe. "One of 882 identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Cortes himself. Blood money paid to stem the slaughter he wreaked upon them with his armies. But the greed of Cortez was insatiable. So the heathen gods placed upon the gold a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a single piece form that stone chest shall be punished for eternity." Everyone is quiet as Magneto is really good at telling ghost stories. Poor Jaime is suddenly rather scared of the stone chest that Cain happens to be sitting, albeit forceably, upon.

Everyone that is, except the directors and Rogue. "Ah hardly believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Lensherr." She says arrogantly, with a roll of her green eyes.

"Aye," he agrees as he stands up and puts the medallion away. "That's exactly what I thought when we were first told the tale. Buried on an island of dead what cannot be found, except for those who already know where it is. More bad grammar. . ." he growls, while pacing.

Raven's eyes begin to glow. "Magneto, you wouldn't want to bring me out of my good mood, would you?"

"Uh. . . no. . ." He says, noticing her glowing clipboard.

"Good, then stick to the script!" She decharges the clipboard, much to everyone's relief and smiles, "Back to the play!"

Magneto leans close to Rogue, "Find it, we did."

"Now he sounds like Yoda!"(1) Bobby laughs and the next thing he knows, he's flying across the room into, but fortunately not through, a brick wall.

Magneto chooses to ignore the interruption, a rather wise decision, "There be the chest. Inside be the gold. And we took them all." Here he starts pacing again. "And we spent them and traded them and frittered them away on drink and food and pleasurable company. The more we gave them away, the more we came to realize, the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, and all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what does slake mean?" Pyro says suddenly.

Raven growls, "It means, in layman's terms, to abate or satisfy, John." She manages to say with forced calmness.

"Great," Lightning groans, "Now you've done it. . ."

"What has he done, my dear?" an obviously angry Raven says in the sweet voice that makes all the cast members want to hide.

"Um, nothing?" Lightning tries.

"Nothing?" She asks again.

"Um, I love you?" He tries again.

Raven grins and shakes her head, "Let's get back to work, people."

Everyone gives Lightning a very thankful look as the go back to what they are supposed to be doing.

"We are cursed men, Miss Turner." Magneto continues. "Compelled by greed, we were, but now we are consumed by it."

The IAR monkey, jumps up and down from it's perch and screeches. Magneto walks over to calm him. Rogue takes the opportunity to grab a hold of her dinner knife and hide it.

"There is one way we can end our curse," Magneto says, he hands the medallion to the IAR monkey and it hops, sparking onto his shoulder. Magneto grimaces, but is rather glad that it doesn't start his costume on fire. "All the scattered pieces of the Aztec gold must be restored and the blood repaid." The IAR monkey makes a noise that almost sounds like evil laughter and jumps off of a very relieved Magneto. "Thanks to ye, we have the final piece."

"And the blood ta be repaid?" Rogue asks, adding a gulp for dramatic effect.

"That's why there's no sense to be killing you yet." He grins, inwardly growling at the bad grammar." He stands there, holding the apple towards her. "Apple?"

She knocks it out of his hand and wields the knife. Standing and try to run away from him. He chases her, angry at her attempt to escape. . . on a ship. . . in the middle of the ocean. . . "Arr!" He growls at her.

She tries to get away, but he grabs her, "No!" she screams and thrusts the knife into his chest. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, the knife is only a trick knife that sticks, but doesn't hurt him. She stands in shock at what she's done as Magneto just simply pulls out the knife, which Pietro replaces with one covered in ketchup.

"I'm curious," he remarks. "After killing me, what is it you're planning on doing next?"

She backs into the door and out of it. On deck, the boat is flooded in moonlight. She turns to find two IAR skeletons wielding swords coming straight at her. They closely resemble Sabretooth and Havoc.

She screams as she is caught in a big wheel thing that move IAR skeletons are turning. She gasps as she notices the entire crew are IAR skeletons. The ones that resemble Lance and Toad are scrubbing the deck. Stilling screaming, she manages to back out of the big wheel thing and backs into a hole onto a big canvas, that some IAR skeletons are holding. They use it to bounce her out of the hole twice.

On coming down the second time, another IAR skeleton swings by on a rope and grabs her. Incidentally, Rogue screams even harder. They land and she tries to run away. The IAR skeleton chases her. Being on either side of the navigation wheel, Rogue spins it as hard as she can and backs up. The IAR skeleton gets hit over and over and over. Forge looks like he's almost in tears as the neck snaps back. The IAR skeleton reaches back and snaps his head back on properly.

Rogue looks on in horror. She runs down and then hides under the stairs.

Lightning says, "You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"

"Naturally," Raven replies.

The IAR skeleton monkey pops down beside her, holding the medallion and screeching. She looks over and screams louder. She runs out from under the stairs. And right into Magneto's arms.

"Look," he says, turning her around, "The moonlight shows us for what we really are. We are not among the living and so we cannot die. But neither are we dead." He twirls her roughly around. "For too long, I've been parched and unable to quench it. Too long, I've been starving to death and haven't died. I feel nothing." He starts walking while she backs up. "Not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea nor the warmth of a woman's flesh." Here, he reaches towards her into the moonlight. Thanks to Forge's holograph machine, the arm looks like it's turning into a skeleton. One the next statement, he steps into the moonlight and Pietro replaces him with an IAR skeleton. "You'd best start believing in ghost stories, Miss LeBeau. You're in one!" He bites the cork out of a bottle filled with raspberry koolaid and drinks it. The liquid pour dour the IAR skeleton's throat and down out of the ribcage.

Rogue gasps and runs back into his chambers. The IAR skeleton Magneto throws the bottle at the door and slams them shut after her. He turns around and laughs. The IAR skeleton crew laughs too. Then, he says, "What are you looking at? Back to work!"

"You heard the Captain, Back to work!" The Juggernaut's voice says as the IAR skeleton's scamper to get back to their various ghastly duties.

Rogue hides in a corner of the room, seeming scared out her mind and breath. Actually, she just hoarse from screaming so much.

The scene changes to a rather bright one on the docks of Tortuga, where Logan, Pyro and Gambit walk past a lined up crew.

Logan is saying, gruffly. "Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them faithful hands before the mast. Every man worth his salt. And crazy to boot."

Gambit rolls his eyes, "So _this_ is your able-bodied crew?" He is clearly not impressed.

Pyro doesn't respond. He just walks down the deck until he stops at Piotr. "You, sailor!"

"Rasputin, bub." Logan informs him.

"Mr. Rasputin, do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?" Johnny says almost as fast as Pietro, shaking back and forth while he talks. Piotr doesn't open his mouth. "Mr. Rasputin! Answer, man!"

Logan clears his throat. "He's a mute, you overgrown matchstick! Poor tin-man had his tongue cut out." At which point, Piotr opens his mouth and with the wonders of holowatch technology, no tongue is visible.

Raven clears her throat. "Wolverine, we can do without the adlibing. Thank you."

"Yeah," Lightning agrees, "you can insult Pyro all you want on your own time. We have a play to finish."

"Hey!" is John's ignored cry of outrage.

"Okay, fine," Logan growls and goes back to his lines. "So, he trained the parrot to talk for him." The IAR parrot sparks. "No one's yet figured how."

John starts to turn away and then turns back. "Mr. Rasputin's parrot, same question."

To which the IAR parrot chirps, "Wind in the Sails! Wind in the sails!"

"Mostly we figure that means, 'yes'," Logan remarks.

"Of course it does," agrees our resident pyromaniac. "Satisfied?" he asks Gambit, who looks anything but satisfied.

"Well, mon ami, you've proved t'ey're mad. . ." he groans.

"What's the benefit for us?" asks a mysterious figure.

John squints his eyes and walks down the line of "mad" sailors until he comes to one with a hat covering the sailor's face. He lifts the hat and takes it off, allowing black hair with dyed red tips to shine in the midday sun. "Wanda." he says, proud that he recognised her voice.

Wanda proceeds to slap him.

"I suppose you didn't deserve t'at one eit'er?" Remy says with a smirk.

gNo," John replies, "that one I deserved."

Wanda nods angrily, "You stole my boat!"

"Actually," John argues.

She slaps him again.

"Borrowed!" John says, trying to shake off the pain. No pretend slaps in this parody. . . "Borrowed without permission. But with every intention of bringing it back."

"But you didn't!" she shouts, after all Wanda can really pull off angry. That's what she's good at.

"You'll get another one." John says, trying to appease her.

Pointing in his face, she says, "I will."

"A better one." Remy intervenes.

"A better one!" Pyro agrees.

"That one," Remy says, pointing at the _Interceptor_.

"What one?" Pyro says looking at him. Remy simply nods in the direction of the ship. Pyro turns and looks. The whole crew turns and looks. "That one?" he asks angrily. Remy simply nods at him. Pyro weighs the decision in his head quickly. "Aye, that one." he grins at her. "What say you?"

"Aye!" the crew shouts.

"Ahhhhh!" screams the poor little cyclops and he curls into a ball and start sucking his thumb. "Make it stop, Professor, make it stop!"

The IAR parrot cries out, "Anchors away!" and the crew heads toward the boat. Wanda makes a move towards John who backs up in fear. Wanda looks incredibly proud of herself as she puts her hat back on.

"No, no, no, no." Logan argues. "It's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard, bub."

"It'll be far worse not to have her," Pyro tells him, looking at the sun and shaking again.

Remy and Pyro look up at the sun, completely confused.

Wanda is smiling from ear to ear and manages to mumble, "Best scene ever," without getting noticed.

The scene changes. Later that night, a storm rages and the_ Interceptor _is caught in it. The crew works to "batten down the hatches" or more precisely, to tie everything down as John steers the ship. He keeps looking at the compass that doesn't point north and then adjusting the wheel.

Remy and Logan crash into each other as a huge wave knocks them across the boat, thanks to the lovely weather witch Storm. They get up and take the rope back over to the other side of the ship and tie it down. "How can we sail to an island t'at nobody can find wit' a compass t'at doesn't work?" Remy shouts through the storm.

"Aye, Gumbo, the compass doesn't point north, but we're not trying to find north, are we?" Logan shouts back. Logan climbs up the stairs and collapses on a pile of cloth near Pyro. "We should drop canvas, bub."

"She can hold a bit longer!" John insists.

"What's in your head that's put you in such a fine mood, Captain?" Logan says, resisting the rather strong urge to end the sentence at "What's in your head?"

"We're catching up," John says smiling.

At the Isla de Muerta, the _Black Pearl_ sits in a gloomy fog. Having Storm around is better than a weather machine. Rogue stares out the window forlornly. The door opens and in walks Lance, Toad and a couple extras. "Time to go, Poppet," Lance announces.

A scene change later, Rogue is tied at the wrists and Toad keeps chanting, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" over and over and over, annoying everyone.

Magneto pushes her hair aside and places the medallion around her neck. They row across the bay into a cave.

Meanwhile, the _Interceptor_ is sailing past a graveyard of wrecked ship. Through the fog, a lone voice is heard. . . "Dead men tell no tells." It's the IAR parrot of Mr. Rasputin.

The entire crew is leaning on the side watching with respect. Logan breaks the silence, "Puts a chill in the bones how many honest sailors have been claimed by this passage."

Piotr watches John and the compass.

"How is it Johnny came by t'at compass?" Remy asks.

"Not a lot's known about John fore he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of the Isla de Muerta. That was before I met him. Back when he was captain of the _Black Pearl_," Logan states.

"What?" Gambit asks incredulously. Logan realizes he said something wrong while he takes a drink of ice tea from his flask. "He failed to mention t'at."

"He plays things closer to the vest now. . . What in the world does that mean?" Logan growls.

"Oh, who cares?" Raven groans.

"I do," Bobby starts to say, then, remembering the brick wall, quickly adds, "not. I do not care. Nope, see me NOT caring."

"As you were," Raven growls at Logan.

"And a hard-learned lesson it was," Wolverine says. "See, three days out on the adventure, the first mate comes to him, and says, everything's an equal share. That should mean the location of the treasure, too. So, John gives up the bearings. That night, there was a mutiny. They marooned John on an island and left him to die, but not before he'd gone mad with the heat."

"Ah!" Remy sighs, "So t'at's t'e reason for all t'e. . ." and he shakes the way John has been shaking.

"Reason's got nothing to do with it," Logan answers.

"I resent that!" John calls out.

"Hey, it's in the script, bub!"

"Oh, yeah. . . carry on," Pyro consents.

"Now, Remy, when a pirate's marooned, he's given a pistol with a single shot. One shot. Well, that won't due much good hunting or to be rescued. But after three weeks of a starving belly and thirst, that pistol will start to look real friendly." He makes a gun shape with his hand and taps his head. "But John escaped the loony bin, er, I mean, island. But John escaped the island, and he still has that single shot. Oh, he won't use it though, save on one man. His mutinous first mate."

"Lensherr," supplies Remy.

"Aye," Logan agrees.

"How did John get off t'e island?" Gambit wonders.

"Well, I'll tell ye. He waded out into the shallows. And he waited there three days and three nights till all manner of sea creatures came acclimated to his presence. And on the fourth morning, he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, lashed them together and made a raft."

Remy looks at Wolverine like he's crazy. "He roped a couple of sea turtles?"

"Aye," Logan says, "sea turtles."

"What did he use for rope?"

Suddenly, they notice John is standing over them. "Human hair, from my back. Let go the anchor!"

And the crew says, "Aye, Captain, aye!" and Scott once again screams.

Jean rolls her eyes, "Scott, would you stop screaming?"

"Okay." He stops and starts sucking his thumb again.

"Oh, snap," Jean groans.

John is glaring at them. He turns back to Logan and Remy, "Young Mr. LeBeau and I are to go ashore." He walks away.

They follow. Logan asks, "Captain, what if the worst should happen?"

"Keep to the code, mate." John says, before walking off stage.

"Aye, the code." Logan says, following John.

The scene changes. Now, we are inside the cave and the pirates lead Rogue through. She's in pretend awe of all the fake gold and treasure. Her gaze lands upon a chest. . . THE chest. . . the one Cain's been sitting on.

"Move," a pirate extra says, pushing her slightly. Piotr has to hold Gambit back rather strongly to keep him from decking the extra.

"Ten years of hoarding swag," Lance says as he and Toad carry a big chest and set it down in front of a huge pile of "gold."

"And now we finally get to spend it!" Todd finishes for him. They laugh excitedly as the dump out the contents of the heavy-looking chest. They are aghast when they see it was full of lady's clothing.

They each pick up a parasol. "Once we're quit of the curse, we'll be rich men," Lance states. Toad opens his parasol and sticks it over his shoulder. "And you can buy an eye what actually fits and is made of glass."

Toad, trying to sound like he's about to cry, replies, "This one does splinter something terrible." He has a hard time not to laugh. In fact the only thing keeping him from doing it is the look on Raven's face. He rubs his eye.

"Stop rubbing it," Lance scolds. He sounds so tender that all the cast and crew, minus Raven of course, burst out laughing. This continues until Cain walks buy and growls at them. Lance immediately stops laughing and waves in a scared sort of way at Cain. Then he hits Toad with the parasol.

The scene changes and Gambit sits in a rowboat holding a lantern, while Pyro rows. He is humming the tune to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," under his breath.

Gambit asks, "What code is Howlett to keep if t'e worst should happen?"

"Pirate's code," Johnny answers. "Any man who falls behind is left behind."

"No heroes amongst t'ieves, eh?" Gambit tries to say with a straight face. Half the cast starts laughing, including Rogue. Gambit glares at her.

"Sorry, Sugah, but that's just too funny _not_ ta laugh about it. . ." and she continues laughing.

Johnny looks annoyed. "You know, mate, for have such a bleak outlook on pirates, you're well on your way to becoming one." When Remy looks at him as if he's crazy, not the first time Pyro has seen that look, he continues, "Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga," Remy stares at the gold under the water, "And you're completely obsessed with treasure."

"C'est not true! Remy is not obsessed wit' treasure!" he says as they secure the boat to the shore.

They climb up a bank and peer over. "Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate." John tells him.

The camera focuses on Remy's head as Magneto calls to his men, "Gentlemutants, the time has come!" A cry of joy rises from the crew. "Our salvation is nigh!" Another cry sounds. "Our torment is near an end."

"Anna," Remy says breathlessly. This, of course makes all the girls in the room sigh and wish their name was Anna, well, except for Raven, and Rogue. . . but only because her name really is Anna. . .

"For ten years we've been tested and tried, and each man jack of you here has proved his mettle a hundred times over," at which point Magneto cringes because of the size of the lie he is telling, "and a hundred times again!" An even bigger cry resounds through the cave.

"Suffered, I have!" Toad cries out.

"Punished, we were, the lot of us. Disproportionate to our crime!" Magneto calls out. "Here it is!" He kicks open the chest. When the lid crashes onto the huge mound of "gold" Rogue gasps and jumps. The chest is full of medallions like the one Rogue wears. Magneto runs his hand through it. "The cursed treasure of Cortes himself. Every last piece that went astray, we have returned. Save for this." He points at Rogue's medallion.

"John!" Remy says, starting to stand up.

"Not yet. We wait for the opportune moment," Johnny supplies.

Magneto continues, not realizing they are there, "Eight hundred eighty one we found, but despaired of ever finding the last."

"When's t'at?" Remy calls as John gets up and goes around the bank. He follows him. "When it's of greatest profit to you?"

Pyro turns around, "May I ask you something, mate?" He gets right up in Remy's face. "Have I ever given you reason _not_ to trust me? Do us a favor. I know it's difficult for you, bloke, but please stay here and try not to do anything stupid."John continues on his way and Remy stays put.

Magneto's speech continues, "And who among us has paid the blood sacrifice owed to the heathen gods?"

They all call out "Us!" Scott starts bawling again and runs to hide in his corner.

"And whose blood must yet be paid?" Eric cries.

"Hers!" The crew calls out. A strange silence fills the room. They all look oddly at Scott's corner. There he lies, passed out. Everyone shrugs and goes back to the play.

As John creeps around the cave, Magneto continues, "You know the first thing I'm gonna do after the curse is lifted?" Everyone laughs. He looks at Rogue. "Eat a whole bushel of apples." He pushes her down and grabs the knife."Begun by blood. By blood undone."

Suddenly, Johnny hears something behind him. He looks over. Remy hits him with a board and knocks him out. "Hey! That hurt! Why does he get to use a real board?"

Raven glares at him, "You are supposed to be unconscious!"

Remy hits him again. "Sorry, John. Remy's not gonna be your leverage." He throws the board down.

Magneto grabs Rogue's medallion off her neck, places it in her hand and makes a slicing motion. Pietro draws a line of ketchup across her hand.

She looks up at him. "That's it?"

He looks at her, "Waste not." He closes her hand and turns it over. She drops the now-ketchup-covered medallion into the chest. Magneto lets go of her and walks forward with and expectant look on his face. Rogue checks out the ketchup on her hand. Remy sneaks around and the pirates check to see if they feel any different.

"Did it work?" asks Sabretooth.

"I don't feel no different," Toad says.

"How do we tell?" asks Lance.

Magneto rolls his eyes, pulls out a gun, and shoots Lance. The gun is full of blanks, but Lance just stands there and looks at the fake hole.

"You're not dead," Sabretooth states the obvious.

"No," Lance says. He points at Magneto, "He shot me!"

"It didn't work," Todd says.

"The curse is still upon us!"Alex cries out.

Magneto puts the blank-gun back in his belt. He looks at the ketchup on his knife. "You, maid! Your father, what was his name? Was your father Jean-Luc LeBeau?"He shakes her as he says all of this.

"No," Rogue spits out harshly.

He shakes her again, "Where's his child that sailed from England eight years ago? The child in whose veins flows the blood of Jean Luc LeBeau?"He lets her go and grabs the medallion and shoves it in her face. Then he hits her hard enough to send her tubbling down the mound of gold. At this point, several strong mutants are holding Remy back as he writhes and struggles, trying to defend his greatest love. Magneto stands at the top of the mound. "It was in the script," he mutters.

"You two!" Cain growls at Lance and Toad. "You brought us the wrong person!"

"No!" Lance counters. "She had the medallion. She's the proper age."

At this point, Remy, who is still steaming at Magneto, but calm enough to act his part, is mostly under water swimming ever closer to his precious Rogue.

Toad replies, "She said her name was LeBeau. You heard her! I think she lied to us."

Remy reaches her and wakes her. She gets up and grabs the medallion, following him silently.

Alex shouts out. "You brought us here for nothing!"

Magneto looks angry and says, "I won't take questioning or second guessing from you, Havok."

"Who's to blame?" Sabretooth growls. "Every decision you've made has led us from bad to worse."

"It was you who sent Bootstrap to the depths!" a random extra calls out.

"Yeah!" the pirates call out, as Remy leads Rogue to safety among the furious pirates. Scott is bawling again and this time, even Jean is sick of it and used her telepathy to knock him out.

Cain draws his sword and advances toward the self-proclaimed Master of Magnetism, "And it's you who brought us here in the first place!"

Magneto draws his sword just as quickly. Fortunately for the rest of the crew, they only get to use cardboard swords with aluminum foil wrapped around them. "If any coward here dare to challenge me, let him speak!" This stops Cain, or rather Raven's powers stop him.

"I say we cut her throat and spill all her blood, just in case," Sabretooth says.

"When did Sabretooth start making sense?" Bobby asks.

"I don't know," grumbles Logan, "but if he keeps talking about hurting Rogue, _I'm_ going to cut _his_ throat."

Raven's yellow eyes glare at the two mutants and sensing this they both turn and look at her.

"That is enough. It's in the script!" Raven says haughtily.

"As if Sabretooth ever had a good idea in his lifetime," Lightning adds, rolling his eyes.

"Precisely," agrees his blue-skinned girlfriend. "Back to the play!"

"Yeah!" The pirates yell again, but Scott is still asleep thanks to Jean.

The IAR monkey chitters and points. Magneto looks at where it's pointing and then down to where he left Rogue. She isn't there, of course. "The medallion! She's taken it! Get after her, you feckless bag of ingrates!"(2)

They all rush towards the exit. "No oars here!" shouts a random extra.

"Where's the oars?" another extra shouts.

"The oars have gone missing," Cain cries out. "Find them!"

And along come Johnny, finally awake and shakily carrying a single oar as he wanders about and the extras shout, "Find the oars!"

Toad see him first and then the others. "You!" he cries out, pointing at Johnny.

"You're supposed to be dead!" Lance says in astonishment.

"Am I not?" Pyro says, still a little groggy from having been hit twice with a rather large board. He pats himself down and turns to leave, but is stopped by the sword of some random pirates. He turns around to be stopped by Lance's blank gun.

"Palulay," he says as randomw swords, daggers and guns are pointed at him. He snaps his fingers in despair. "Palulilalalulu," he tries again.

Todd and Lance look at each other strangely.

"Parlili," John tries a third time. "Parsnip, parsley, partner, partner. . ." he continues.

"Parley?" Todd asks.

"That's the one!" John agrees. "Parley! Parley!"

Lance looks at Toad with murder in his eyes, "Parley?" Back to looking at John. "Damn to the depths whatever man that thought up "parley"! He screams.

John, trying to be smart, says lightly, "That would be the French."

"And Cut!" Raven says excitedly! "It's finally over!"

"Man that was a long act!" Lightning agrees.

Remy turns toward Magneto with charged cards in hand, "Now would be a good time to run."

"I will never run," Magneto says as bits of various metal start floating around.

Raven rolls her eyes. "Somebody wake up Scott. . . we need him for the next scene."

Jean moans and wakes him up anyway.

"Um, did I miss anything. . ." he says. A big metal something floats straight into his head and he is knocked out again.

Raven rolls her eyes.

Evan screams as the metal and explosions come ever nearer to his broken and bandaged body. Storm decides to quickly roll him out of the way.

Raven and Lightning, and the rest of the crew, minus Remy and Magneto, decide that now would be a good time to leave. And so shall we. . . and hopefully, we will still have a set when we return. . .

BOOM. . . Well. . . there goes that idea. . .

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A/N:(1) No, I don't own Star Wars, either!

(2)feckless: adj

1. ineffective: unable or unwilling to do anything useful

2. unlikely to be successful: lacking the thought or organization necessary to succeed

Late 16th century. From obsolete feck "value, efficacy," a shortening of effect .

I know, I know, please stop throwing things. I write when I can, and that's not very often with three kids. I haven't been inspired to write lately, but I have been slowing writing this over the past few weeks cough months cough Don't kill me! More to come! Want to bug me about it? Follow the link in my profile and sign up. I have the same name there and it's the best way to get a hold of me. My plot fairies are in the middle of a spark fight, but they have paused long enough for me to get this chapter out at long last.

Next up,

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . . what with my last grandfather nearing his end and my favorite uncle sick with cancer as well. _sigh_


	8. Scene 7: What is the Point of Escaping

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

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**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . I wonder how long this will take to finish writing. . . lol Oooo. . . super Romy scene ahead!

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And now, Raven and Lightning present. . . 

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 7: What is the point of escaping, again?

Grumbling, a very upset Raven orders, "I said twenty-two centimeters to the left, not twenty-three!"

Magneto, glaring daggers, moves the offending piece of the set.

Remy walks by and sets down a rather heavy set piece. "Man alive! Just cause we blew up t'e set, t'e witch didn't have to make Magneto and Remy fix it all by ourselves!" This statement is muttered where Gambit believes only Magneto can hear him. He was wrong.

Lightning, faster than Pietro running away from a macho man convention, is in his face. "No more insulting my girlfriend or you'll find out the real reason they call me 'Lightning'." He says this with piercing eyes and a low deep threating voice.

"I thought that was because you shoot the sparks from your hands that look like bolts of lightning?" Magneto says scratching his head.

"Remy t'ought it was because of your speed. . ." Remy says, also scratching his head.

"Well, yeah, but. . . " Lightning says, throughly confused, "but. . . oh great, thanks for ruining my nice threatening, chivalrous moment."

"Next time, perhaps, you should use a t'reat t'at we haven't seen before," Remy says.

"And also, while you carry a lot of arrogance, your confidence wans as soon as you are opposed," Magneto says. "Try not to let anything your opponent says get to you."

"Hmm," our director says, taking out a clipboard and taking notes.

"Oui, and also, when you glare, try not to squint as much," Remy continues. "see, watch how Remy does it." Remy glares at Evan, who is still in a body cast, causing Evan to scream in fear at the unknown offense.

"Hmm, this is great stuff." Lightning is writing away, never noticing his girlfriend coming up behind him.

She places a hand gently on his shoulder.

"AHHHHH!!" he screams, completely taken off guard. He turns to see her glaring dangerously.

"See, now _t'hat's_ t'e way to do it." Remy says.

Magneto nods, "Yes, excellent!"

Her glares turn to the two who are supposed to be rebuilding the set. "Evil villain classes are now over!" she growls.

"Remy was just getting back to work," he says, moving something, anything, just to look busy.

"Yeah, me too," Magneto says.

"That's what I thought!" Raven growls. "And hurry up. We need to shoot the next scene!"

Fourteen hours later. . . the set is finished.

"Lights! Camera! Action!" Raven calls from her comfy director's chair.

A ship rocks back and forth in the sea, which Bobby still doesn't have a clue how they got in the studio. A very wet Rogue in the stupid dress from Magneto climbs aboard and is met with a shipload of pirates. "Not more pirates!"

Logan steps down to greet her, "Welcome aboard, Miss Anna."

"Mr. Howlett?" Rogue asks, confused.

Logan decides to ignore the incredulous look on Rogue's face. "Look, Gumbo, where be Johnny?"

"Johnny?" she asks Remy. "St. John Allerdyce?"

Remy looks at her and then at Logan. "He fell behind." He then leads Rogue out of the pirates.

The pirates look at each other sadly, and then finally, Logan states, "Keep to the code."

After another moment of silence, Wanda calls out sadly, "Weigh anchor! Hoist the sails! Make quick!" The pirates rush off and get to work.

The scene changes to the cave, Magneto is walking towards Pyro. "How the blazes did you get off that island?"

Lance and Toad look at Pyro, leaning on the missing oar, who replies, "When ya blokes marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate." When nothing but silence fills the void, he says "I'm Captain St. John Allerdyce."

With a touch of annoyance, Magneto says, walking closer, "Well, I won't be making that mistake again." He turns to the pirates, "Mutants, you all remember Captain St. John Allerdyce."

"Aye," they reply at once, and Scott shakes uncontrollably.

"Kill him," Magneto orders.

They all point their guns at him, as Magneto starts walking away.

"Hey, I didn't think I died in this play!" Pyro cries out.

"You don't, Pyro." Lightning informs him.

"Because, unlike you," Raven continues. "Captain Jack Sparrow is _clever_ and knows how to talk his way out of dangerous situations!" A the mention of the phrase "dangerous" situations," her clipboard begins to glow.

"Uh, Ravie?"

"Yes, yes, I'm not going to blow up my clipboard again. . ." she groans, decharging the clipboard, much to the relief of the entire cast, but especially Pyro.

"Back to work," Lightning calls out.

Pyro looks scared as the guns point towards him. He changes his tone to sound more serious. "The girl's blood didn't work, did it?"

Magneto stops, cross at the sudden statement from his "rival." "Hold your fire."

He turns around and the pirates put their guns away. Lance grimaces at the order. He really did want to fire his blank gun in Pyro's face. Magneto walks towards Pyro again, nodding. "You know who's blood we need."

Pyro says sweetly, "I know who's blood ya need."

Back on the _Interceptor_, Rogue is wrapping her hand rather too tightly and speaking angrily, "What sorta man trades a man's life fer a ship?"

Remy, unable to watch her botching a good fake bandage job, grabs her hands. "Here. Let Remy."

"Thank ya," she says softly as he sets about bandaging the "wound" very gently.

"You said you gave Lensherr Remy's name as yours." He looks up at her. "Why?"

She blushes, but tries to hid it behind the white strands of hair that cling to her face. "Ah don't know," she lies. He ties the knot too tightly and she gasps, pulling her hand, and his, towards her.

"Remy's sorry. Blacksmith's hands. Remy knows t'ey're rough."

"No," Rogue says, "Ah mean, yeah, they are, but. . ." He finishes the knot and holds her hand gently rubbing it, "but don't stop." She looks at him. Their eyes meet. So much love is shining between then that Raven has to control herself before she cries out "awww. . ." They lean closer. Rogue is sure he's about to kiss her. Remy reaches out and takes her head in his hand.

"Anna," he says. As he's about to kiss her, he feels a necklace chain and follows it down her bosom. She reaches down and pulls out the medallion. He stares at it, taking great effort to stare at the medallion and _not_ at Rogue's chest.

"It's y'all's," she tells him, and takes it off.

He holds it. "Remy t'ought he'd lost it t'e day t'ey rescued him. It was a gift from his pere. Pere sent it to him. Why did you take it?"

After looking around and thoroughly looking sorry, she replies, "Because Ah was afraid that y'all were a pirate. That woulda been awful."

"It wasn't your blood t'ey needed." She looks at him, knowing and fearful. "It was Remy's pere's blood. Remy's blood." He closes his fist around the medallion. "T'e blood of a pirate."

"Rems, Ah'm so sorry. Please forgive me," she entreats.

He slams his palm and the medallion on the table. She takes it as him refusing to forgive her and acts as if she's about to cry. In fact, the thought of Remy actually not forgiving her for something, brings tears to her eyes. _This is ridiculous_, she thinks, _it's not like Ah've eveh done anything bad enough ta Remy that he wouldn't forgive me. . . it's not like Ah eveh left him to die in Antarctica, or anything. . . _(1) She gets up and walks out.

One look at her retreating form makes him want to get up and go after her, reassure her that nothing she could ever do would make him want to leave her, to tell her that he loves her and he'd die for her. But the script says he sits there and looks at the medallion. So, rather than face the wrath of his daughter once again, he sits there and looks at the medallion.

The next scene was supposed to start, but Raven is sitting in a trance-like state. Lightning waves his hands in front of her face, confused. "Earth to Raven!"

"Huh? Oh, Lawr, stop acting like an idiot!"

"I was not acting like an idiot!"

"Prove it!" Her eyes are glowing now.

"You were the one sitting there staring at your parents when you are supposed to be starting the next scene!"

"Oh, so _you_ acting like an idiot is _my_ fault?" She's floating above her chair now.

"Yes!"

"Oh, you did not just say that!"

"Yes, I did! You aren't even thinking about the play!"

"Oh, I am so!"

"Oh yeah? Prove it!"

"Back to work!" she says plopping down in her chair.

Back on the_ Pearl_, Magneto and Pyro are in Magsy's chambers. "You expect to leave me on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?"

"No," Pyro tells him, pacing. "I expect to leave ya standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on _my_ ship, and then I'll shout the name back ta ya. Savvy?"

"That still leaves the problem of me standing on some beach with naught but a name and _your word_ it's the one I need."

Pyro bends over the table and grabs a nice juicy apple. "Of the two of us, I'm the only one that hasn't committed mutiny. Therefore, my word is the one we'll be trusting. Although, I suppose I should be thanking ya, in fact, if ya hadn't betrayed me and left me to die," he sits down, "I'd have an equal share in that curse, same as ya." He takes a big bite. "Funny old world, isn't it, mate?"

Magneto nods the nod of those who are deeply uncomfortable. Pyro, out of pure rudeness, offers the apple to Magneto. Just then, Cain walks in. "Captain, we're coming up on the _Interceptor_."

The IAR Monkey screeches and jumps across Pyro's lap and the table to sit on Cain's shoulder. The Juggernaut does not like IAR monkeys.

Magneto rushes out and up the stairs with Pyro following, shaking wildly, and carrying the apple with him. He looks over the side at the ship. Magneto looks through the looking glass. Pyro gets in the way so all he can see is a giant Australian mouth. "I'm having a thought here, Lensherr." John is really enjoying calling Magneto by his last name. "What say we run up a flag of truce, I scurry over ta the _Interceptor_, and I negotiate the return of your medallion? Eh? What say ya ta that?"

"Now, you see, that's exactly the attitude that lost you the _Pearl_. People are easy to search when they're dead. Hmm, that _is_ a good thought."

"Magneto, spare us the future dictator ideas. . ." Lightning groans.

"Oh yes, sorry." And he gets back to work. "Lock him in the brig!" he shouts, speaking of Pyro, naturally.

As Pyro is dragged away by the Juggernaut, he leaves the apple in Magneto's hands. Magneto looks at it and scowls, then throws it as hard as he can into the ocean.

Meanwhile on the other ship, Rogue lifts the trap door-like thingy and looks out while Logan shouts, "Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! Does _anyone_ actually know what that means?"

Both Hank and Raven open their mouths, Logan says, "I mean, _besides_ Raven and Hank?" Both of them shut their mouths again.

Wolverine looks around, everyone just shrugs or shakes their head. Logan groans.

"Okay, now that we've established the fact that everyone besides Hank and I are stupid, can we get back to work?" Raven asks.

"Hey!" Lightning cries out. "Does that include me?"

"Yes, dear, it does."

"I'm not stupid!"

"Need I remind you?"

"I am NOT stupid!"

"All I need is one word. . ."

"Yeah right! I'm not stupid, Raven!"

"Marianna. . ."

"Okay. . . I'm stupid." He says, sitting down and crossing his arms. He's pouting and while the cast and crew look at him, wondering who or what Marianna is, it's rather obvious that neither director is letting out that little secret. (2)

"Back to the play," Raven says with a rather triumphant look on her blue face.

Logan, more confused than ever, yells out, "With this wind, she'll carry every sail we've got!"

Rogue has run up to him, "What's happenin'?"

Wanda, at the wheel, answers, "The _Black Pearl_. She's gaining on us."

Rogue climbs up to where she can look behind the ship and sees it coming. She jumps back down. "This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean."

"You can tell them that after they've caught us," snaps Wanda.

"We're shalloweh on the draft, right?" Rogue asks, not really knowing what she's talking about.

"Aye."

"Well, can't we just lose 'em amongst those shoals?" Rogue asks, this time looking at Logan.

Logan, faking a grin for the sake of the shock device in his collar, says, "We don't have to outrun them long, just long enough."

Wanda agrees and changes direction while calling out, "Lighten the ship, stem to stern!"

"Anything we can afford to lose, see that it's lost!"

Back in the _Black Pearl_, Cain is leading Pyro to his cell, rather roughly. He pushes him in with a grunt and locks the door. Pyro, noticing a lot of water on the floor, says, "Apparently, there's a leak." But Cain has long since walked away. "I hate water!"

Raven groans and shakes her head, but ignores the obvious fact the pyromaniac felt he had to say.

There's a small hole in the wall of the ship. Pyro looks through and notices a barrel floating past the ship. More barrels are floating behind the _Interceptor_.

Magneto watches through a telescope, "Haul on the main brace! Make ready the guns!" He yells, and adds quietly to The Juggernaut, "And run out the sweeps."

Random Pirate Extra (RPE) calls out, "Pull."

Another RPE answers, "Ho!"

The cannons come out of holes in the side of the ship. Lance raises the infamous Jolly Roger.

The crew of the _Interceptor_ is throwing out barrels, cannonballs, crates, and basically anything they can get their hands on. Gambit comes up to check on the other ship. He climbs up on the ropes and watches them pulling out oars. Someone starts to throw out a cannon when Gambit steps on it. "We're gonna need t'at."

Rogue notices the ship is still gaining on them. They aren't going to make it to the shoals.

"It was a good plan," Wanda tells her, "up till now."

"Howlett!" Remy calls.

Logan turns to look at him.

"We have to make a stand," Remy insists. "We must fight! Load t'e guns!"

Logan smirks and Wanda asks, "With what?"

"Anyt'ing. Everyt'ing! Anyt'ing we have left."

Logan looks doubtful, and cries out, "Load the guns! Case shot and langrage!"

Wanda just shakes her head. She knows it's pointless.

"Nails and crushed glass!" Logan continues."With a will!"

Remy and Rogue catch each other's eyes for a moment and she seems to realize that he isn't angry with her at all. He walks off and she follows.

A RPE is loading a cannon with whatever is on hand. What happens to be on hand is Logan's flask of tea. Logan was drinking is as he grabs it out of his hands and stuffs it in the cannon. Snikt!

"Logan!" Raven shouts, with her hand hovering over the control to the shock device.

Logan retracts his claws and mutters, "but I was still drinking it, and he's only an extra. . ."

"That's enough!" she growls.

Magneto is standing and holding the IAR monkey, looking over his scrambling crew. Everything seems to be going smoothly, when suddenly. . . BOOM! The IAR monkey explodes. . . (3)

"Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!" Magneto screams, dropping the remains and trying to put out the fire which is burning a hole through his costume.

"Pyro!" Lightning calls as Raven drops her head into her hands and shakes it.

"Forge!" she yells, when she calms slightly down. "You had better have another one of those IAR monkeys or I will take your entrails and let Rahne use them to make haggis. . ." (4)

Forge gulps and holds out another IAR monkey, just like the first one. Pyro has succeeded in putting out the flames, rather sadly for two reasons. The first and foremost reason, being it hurts him at all times to see a fire die, and secondly, well, who doesn't want to watch Magneto burning to death?

After changing into an extra copy of his costume, Magneto is standing and holding the _new_ IAR monkey, looking over his scrambling crew. Pyro is still looking through the hole in the side of the ship. The rowers are stil rowing and Wanda is doing her best to out run them.

Logan calls out, "The _Pearl's _gonna luff up on our port quarter! She'll rake us without ever presenting a target."

"Loweh the ancheh on the right side." Rogue says quickly. They look at her a if she's nuts. "On the starboard side!"

Remy says to Logan, "It certainly has the element of surprise!"

Wanda informs her, "You're daft, lady! You both are!"

"Daft like Johnny!" Logan says happily. He turns and calls out "Lower the starboard anchor!"

"What does daft mean?" Pyro wants to know, thinking he's been complimented.

Raven groans.

Lightning says, "Pyro. . . you write books. . . and you have no vocabulary skills?"

"Fine, sheesh, I'll bloody look it up in a dictionary. . ."

"Please. . ." Raven growls.

When three RPEs look at him as if _he_ were daft, he calls out "Do it, you dogs, or it's you we'll load into the cannons!" He grins because he really loves that line.

That sets them to work and Remy jumps down to help them. They drop the anchor and it drags along the ocean floor. Magneto squints to see what they are up to and the anchor catches on a rock. The boat suddenly turns and almost capsizes, but steadies. The table with the candles and the medallion on it falls over during this. Wanda is still holding the wheel.

"Let go!" Rogue orders.

Wanda lets go and the wheel start spinning rapidly. The ship finally turns all the way to it's side and Magneto finally gets what they are doing.

"They're clubhauling!" he shouts. "Hard to port! Rack the starboard oars."

"Hard to port!" Cain repeats.

Pyro holds on tight as the ship turns so quickly it knocks him off balance and the oars are drawn in. He watches as the ships pull along side of each other.

Remy comes and, with a smug look, pats Logan on the shoulder, "Keep us steady, homme."

The two crews are shouting at each other through the cannon holes. Magneto pulls out his sword.

"Now!" Remy shouts.

"Fire!" yells Magneto.

"Fire all!" Rogue cries out.

Using blanks in the cannons to produce the smoke, and Jean and Raven's precise telekinesis, they send over the balls and other objects without hurting anyone.

Some RPEs fall off of either ship while this is happening, but no one really cares.

What has Pyro been doing during this battle royale? Why, watching through the hole in the side of the ship, of course. So he naturally sees the shot that's headed straight for his head and ducks. After the hole is made, he calls out, as if they could hear him, "Stop blowing holes in my ship!"

Pirates start swinging over. Charges are being fired. A spoon penetrated and gets stuck in the wall beside Lance's head. He looks nervously at it. It almost hit him. He looks at Toad, who because of the holowatch, now seems to have a fork stuck in his wooden eye which he is moving randomly about.

Lance reaches over and grabs the holo-fork, which Pietro quickly replaces with a real fork and pulls. The eye comes out too, or more precisely, the fork Pietro placed in Lance's hand had a wooden eye on it, and Toad switched him holowatch to make it look as if he only had one eyes.

Wanda shudders, "That is so gross. . ."

Raven glares at her.

Lightning looks at Raven. "Honey, you have to admit that _is_ gross."

Raven glares at him. "I don't have to admit anything."

Lightning rolls his eyes, "Then lets start the play again."

She nods.

Lance and Toad look angrily at the other ship. Pyro notices Logan's flask that was fired. He picks it up and tries to drink from it, but it's empty. He glares at it. That's when he notices that the shot has blown a hole where the lock used to be on the door. He pushes it open.

Remy is firing a rifle while Rogue stands next to him and ducks when he does. Logan runs up. "We could use a few more ideas, Stripes."

"Your turn," Rogue says pulling on a rope, in order to make it look like she's doing something instead of just standing next to Remy and ducking when he does.

"We need us a devil's dowry." Logan has the rifle now and shoots.

"We'll give them her," Wanda says cocking a gun at Rogue's head.

Wrong thing to do at this point, as Remy doesn't have anyone holding him back. "Take t'e gun off of Rogue now!" the Cajun growls, with murder in his eyes.

"Gambit, it's just blanks!" Wanda says, not doing it.

"Wrong answer, Witch. . ." Remy says, his demon eyes glowing dangerously. His cards have come out.

"It's in the script!" she cries.

The cards are charged now. He aims. Suddenly, he can't move his arm.

"Decharge it," Raven states calmly.

"No!" Remy defies.

"Decharge it, now," Raven states, still very calmly.

Lightning knows this calm voice better than anyone. He shrinks away into his chair.

"No! She put a gun to Remy's chere!"

"Wanda still has a vital role in this play and furthermore if you destroy the set again. . . you don't want to know what I will do to you." Raven says, even more calmly.

Lightning raises his clipboard over his head to hide.

Suddenly, Remy gets the feeling that it might be a good idea to listen to her. He decharges the card and she lets his arm go. He puts the card away.

"Now, say your line."

"She's not what t'ey're after," he says.

Rogue looks down. The medallion isn't around her neck. She looks back up at him. Wanda finally removes the gun. "The medallion."

Remy takes off and runs down below deck to fetch it. Only, the table being knocked over, he is having trouble. He loves the table to search.

Lance and Toad carry two cannonballs attached together with chains. It can do some lovely damage. They place it in the cannon.

Magneto calls out, "Raise your colors, you blooming cockroaches! Hands, grapnels, at the ready. Prepare to board!" A bunch of RPEs grab the grapnels.

Remy is still searching for the medallion.

Toad fires the cannon. It hits exactly on target, right through the mast, knocking it over. It also goes through the wall of the room Remy's in, knocking him off his feet.

"Remy!" Rogue can't help but call out.

"Relax, Papa is fine," Raven says kindly.

"But. . ."

"Do you really think I'm gonna let mon pere get hurt?" Raven asks. "I am a Daddy's girl, you know."

Rogue lets out a sigh of relief.

The RPEs holding the grapnels decide now would be a good time to throw them, and with the use of Raven's telekinesis they all land on their marks.

Remy climb out of the debris. Water is flooding in.

"Blast all to carcasses, mutants!" Magneto calls to his men. "Forward clear to the powder magazine. And the rest of you bring me that medallion!"

Remy is still is the room that is filling fast with water, "Help!" he cries, but no one can hear him. Rogue is very anxious right now for his safety, but Raven won't let her go to his assistance. Rogue must keep herself busy pulling on various ropes to look like she's helping the crew.

Pirates swing over onto the deck. Rogue takes the rifle and shoots. . . even though she knows they can't die. . . Alex and Sabretooth are two of the pirates that have swung over. They go down below the deck, using the stairs.

Remy takes a board and starts banging on the trapdoor. "Help! Below!" Rogue looks over at Raven pleadingly, but the redhead just shakes her head.

Victor and Alex are carrying barrels of gunpowder over to the wall.

John has just reached the deck of the _Black Pearl_ and he watches as a pirates swings right beside him. He grabs the rope with a "Thanks very much," and swings over.

Rogue is also using her martial arts skills and the gun as a bo-staff. All the RPEs are a little afraid of coming near her.

One RPE has a cardboard sword to Logan's throat, but at that moment, John swings right into him, saving Logan's life. Well, not really, but in the play. He lands in front of Logan.

"St. John!"

Pyro shakes and hands him back his flask, "Bloody empty." Then he walks off and Logan returns to the cardboard sword fight, wishing that he could use his claws.

The IAR monkey screeches and Remy turns his head. The water is halfway up is back now. Rogue looks worriedly at Raven.

"No, you can't save him!" Lightning and Raven say at the same time. Scott start screaming, but it blends in with all the swordfighting noises.

The IAR monkey is holding the medallion. Remy swims towards it. The IAR monkey climbs off and leaves Remy holding onto a beam.

Rogue is fighting. She senses someone behind her and goes to punch the random pirate, who raises a cardboard sword to her. Only someone grabs his hand. It's Pyro. "That's not very nice."

Rogue uses the gun to knock the guy out of the ship.

Pyro grabs Rogue and hides with her. "Where's the medallion?"

"Wretch!" she yells at him, trying to hit him.

He grabs her "wounded" hand and says "Ahh. Where's dear Remy?"

"Rems!" She breathes as she looks towards the water-filled room, and then to Raven and Lightning again.

Raven is glaring. It's pointless to even ask.

Rogue notices the broken mast has fallen right on the door. She runs to try and figure something out. "Man," she mutters, "What Ah wouldn't give for super human strength right now." (5)

She drops onto the trapdoor which has little square holes in it so they can see each other. "Remy!"

"Anna!"

As she tries to figure out how to get him out, the IAR monkey crosses across the mast and Pyro sees him. He follows the IAR monkey. "Monkey!"

"Ah can't move it!" Rogue calls to her beloved, who is trying to move a different board that's in his way.

"Come on," is suddenly said to her and two RPEs grab her and drag her away screaming, Remy!" They're taking her to the _Black Pearl_.

"Anna!" The water is to his neck now.

John is still on the mast, following Forge's beloved IAR monkey. Just as he is about to reach it the IAR monkey climbs on a leg. . . Magneto's leg. John freezes and makes a fist out of the hand that hand been reaching for the monkey.

Looking straight at Pyro, Magneto says, "Why, thank you, St. John."

"You're welcome," Pyro replies.

"Not you. We named the monkey 'St. John'." He raises his hand, holding the medallion, "Gents, our hope is restored!"

The water is raising above Remy's head. He takes a deep breath. Rogue inhales sharply and fights back tears. Raven even has to hold Lightning's hand to keep herself from ruining the scene. Gambit swims down and tries to move a board.

At that moment, in the other room, Alex takes out his gun. He uses the striker to light fire to the trail of gunpowder. The fire follows the trail.

Remy is almost running out of breath. He swims for the surface to get more air and then back down to try and move the board again.

While this is occurring, Magneto is fingering the medallion.

Lance calls out to the prisoners, circling them with his blank gun, "Any of you so much as thinks the word 'parley,' I'll have your guts for garters."

Rogue lifts the ropes over her head and runs.

At that moment, the _Interceptor_ blows up.

She stops, horrified, and John starts. "Remy," she whispers. Then she rushes at Magneto. "You've got to stop it! Stop it!"

He holds her off easily, "Welcome back, miss. You took advantage of our hospitality last time. It holds now you return the favor." He pushes her, screaming, into the waiting crew. She's not screaming because of the pawing crew but only because the ship blew up while Gambit was still inside it.

That's when our favorite Cajun makes his very wet appearance by climbing up the side of the ship and standing on the wall. "Lensherr!" he calls out. Three heads turn, Magneto's, John's and Rogue's.

"Remy." she sighs with relief. Raven lets go of her boyfriend's hand.

He jumps down and grabs Pyro's gun, pointing it at Magneto. "She goes free!" No one wants to mess with Remy when he's angry with the mistreatment of his chere and wielding a gun, even if it _is_ a blank gun.

"What's in your head, boy?" Magneto says, walking towards him.

"She goes free!"

"You've only got one shot, and we can't die." Magneto informs him.

Pyro says, with praying hands, "Don't do anything stupid."

So, with that advice, Remy sumps back up on his wall and points the gun at his own head. "You can't. I can."

"How is that _not_ stupid?" Bobby asks, rather stupidly himself.

Raven's yellow eyes glow and her powers lift Bobby up to the rafter in the ceiling. She also raises a few other things and creates a cage around him. Bobby looks at his prison and says, "I shouldn't have even asked. . ."

"On with the play," Lightning says.

It's a good thing there's at least ten RPEs holding Rogue back.

"Like that." Pyro says sadly.

"Who are you?" Magneto asks.

Pyro tries to save the situation by going over to Magneto and saying, "No one. He's no one. A distant cousin of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though. Eunuch."

But that plan fails when Gambit cries out, "My name is Remy LeBeau. Remy's pere was Bootstrap John LeBeau." Magneto glances angrily at Pyro, who hangs his head. "His blood runs in Remy's veins."

Toad points, "He's the spitting image of old Bootstrap John come back to haunt us."

"On my word, do as Remy says, or he'll pull t'is trigger and be lost to Apocalypse's Locker. (6)

"Name your terms, Mr. LeBeau," Magneto concedes.

"Anna goes free." Remy shouts immediately.

"Yes, we know that one. Anything else?" Magneto asks.

Pyro points to himself, trying to hint to Remy.

"And the crew. The crew are not to be harmed," adds Gambit.

Pyro tries to get Remy's attention and fails. Magneto steps forward and says, "Agreed."

The scene changes and now there's an island. "Go on, poppet, go!" Lance is calling while the other pirates are shouting all at once, causing Scott to shiver. "Walk the plank."

There Rogue stands against it, looking nervously between them and the wooden plank behind her. She walks out to the edge.

Remy fights his way through, "Lensherr, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!"

"Don't dare impugn me honor, boy." Magneto says, cringing at the misuse of grammer. "I agreed she's go free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where." His crew laughs.

Sabretooth and Alex tie a gag around his mouth, and push him back.

Magneto fake laughs and then says to Rogue, "Though it does seem a shame to lose something so fine, don't it?"

"Aye." Shouts the crew.

"Please, make it stop!" shouts the cyclops.

"So I'll be having that dress back before you go," Magneto tells her.

She glares her patent Death Glare and starts removing the hated dress.

Pyro is now standing between Sabretooth and Alex. To Victor, he states "I always liked you."

Victor only grunts. Pyro waves his hand in front of his face, cringing at Sabretooth's breath.

Rogue throws the dress roughly into Magneto, "Goes with your black heart."

He rubs it against his face. "Ooh, it's still warm." That statement makes his crew laugh.

Rogue is still wearing her nightgown, which she was wearing under the hideous dress. She looks more simple and natural now. She looks so beautiful as she stands at the edge of the plank, that Remy's eye glaze over and drool falls from his open mouth.

"Off you go!" Alex shouts to her. The IAR monkey watches.

"Come on!" Lance shouts.

She takes one last longing glance at Gambit.

"Too long!" Cain decides and stomps his foot on the other end of the plank causing her to fall into the depths. Remy's heart nearly stops until she comes up for air.

The crew is laughing and so is Pyro, that is, until they walk him over to the plank as well.

He turns to face the Master of Magnetism, "I'd really rather hoped we were past all this."

Glaring at Raven for making him do it, Magneto puts his arm around Pyro, "St. John. . . St. John, Did you not notice? That be the same little island we made you governor of on our last little trip."

Pyro looks at the island and back at Erik, "I did notice."

"Perhaps you'll be able to conjure up another miraculous escape. But I doubt it." Magneto removes his hand and draws his sword. "Off you go."

Pyro backs up as two more swords join it.

"Yeah!" shouts the crew and once again, Scott is bawling.

"Last time, you left me a pistol with one shot."

"By the powers, you're right. Where be Johnny's pistol? Bring it forward."

Sabretooth bring the desired weapon.

Pyro tries his luck, "Seeing as there's two of us, a gentleman would give us a pair of pistols."

"It'll be one pistol as before, then you can be the gentleman and shoot the lady and starve to death yourself." Magneto throws the gun and Johnny's sword into the water.

Pyro jumps in after it with his hands still tied, grabs it and pushes off the bottom to the surface.

"And cut!" Raven calls out. "I am so glad this scene is over!"

"They were pretty awful this time, weren't they?" Lightning asks her.

She points to Bobby's cage.

Rogue runs, still wet to Remy's arms. "Are ya alright, Swamp Rat?"

"Never better, River Rat."

They stare into each other's eyes for a while, during which time, Raven is staring dreamily at them.

Jean says, nonchalantly, "Oh yeah, they are so _not_ dating. . ."

Scott laughs.

The whole crew looks at him.

"Wow. . ." Kitty remarks. "He's. . . not. . . crying. . ."

"I'm not a complete baby you know."

"You're not?" Lance asks.

"No, I'm not." Scott replies.

"BOO!" Lance, Toad, Blob and Pietro all yell.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just leave me alone!" He runs off out of the studio, leaving a laughing Brotherhood behind.

Jean shakes her head. "That was really mean, guys. . ."

"No, that was funny," Rogue says, finally peeling her eyes from the man she adores. "This is mean." At which point she pulls a rope, which was tied to a bucket. The bucket was filled with a strange yellow liquid. The liquid falls onto Jean's head and the liquid runs down to cover her nearly completely.

"Iodine!" Jean shouts, as small cuts she sustained during the play begin to burn. She runs off into the bathroom to take a shower.

Raven smiles evilly, "That was mean. . . I like it!"

And now we had better go and leave them smiling cruelly at Jean's fate.

* * *

To be continued. . .

* * *

A/N: (1) Yes, that DID happen in the comics, but fortunately not in Evo! Lol 

If you are dying to know. . . well, you'll just have to bug me to finish A Split in Reality and start on the sequel which happens to be the story of Raven's life. Lol No, I won't tell anyone who asks who or what Marianna is or why just that name makes Lightning think he's stupid.

I was really beginning to think it's been too long since one of Forge's experiments screwed up. Lol Especially considering the vast amount of IAR's in this play. . .

Haggis is a Scottish dish made with the intestines of a sheep. ;)

Yet another reference to the comics! Yay!

If you are smart, you'll notice I just gave out a clue as to casting in my next parody. coughmainvillaincough

Guys. I know it's been a while, but not nearly as long as the last chapter took, right? Lol Meanwhile, I've had surgery and my uncle has had the same surgery twice (not the same one I had, but his surgery had to be repeated). At this point he's worse off than my nearly 87-year-old grandfather who's been dying for two years. . . I can only hope and pray for my dear uncle. And on a happier note. . . my baby turned one on April 22nd! Woohoo! She's doing great.

Please don't be mad this takes so long, Raven's already mad enough at me for it. . . She does NOT like to be ignored and the only way to appease her is to add Cayenne Pepper to my food. . . Trust me you have no idea what it's like to have an angry Raven LeBeau in your head. . .

I seriously hope these super long chapters make up for the delays. lol

Next up, Johnny and Rogue are rescued! Woohoo! And then the most horrific part of this entire play occurs. . . Rogue . . . accepts. . . Scott's proposal. . . Oi, that was the hardest sentence I ever had to write. My fingers literally had to be forced into it. . . o.O

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . . what with my last grandfather nearing his end and my favorite uncle sick with cancer as well. _sigh_ And from now on I'll be replying to reviews when I get them. . . this is getting confusing! lol


	9. Scene 8: Worst Scene Ever!

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . . I hope this doesn't take too long to write. . . Here's hoping I get a little free time! So, um, yeah, there's a bit of Jonda in this, cause it just happened. . . so um. . . yeah, enjoy it!!

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 8: Worst Scene Ever!

Bobby screams as he notices people walking in, "Get me down from here!"

Jean, who happens to still have stained yellow skin, looks up. "Sorry, Bobby. I would, but Raven thinks you need to learn your lesson."

"But I'm in this scene!"

"Not yet, you're not," Rogue calls.

"Remy ain't so sure he's gonna like this scene."

"Me either, but it's in the script," Raven agrees. "And what the script says goes."

The Cajuns and the Rogue all look at each other. "Let's just get t'is over wit'. . ." Remy groans.

"What about getting me down?" Bobby calls.

"Fine," Raven says. "Jean, get him down."

Jean uses her powers to let him down, not to gently.

"Ow! Jean!" Bobby cries out.

She shrugs, "Sorry, Bobby. . . the iodine must be affecting my powers."

Bobby glares at her.

"Iodine doesn't affect mutant powers, does it?" Pyro asks.

Raven puts her head in her hands and shakes her head. "What have I gotten myself into?"

"It's okay. . . I'm here," Lightning tells her.

"Oh, like you are _so_ much better."

Lightning glares at her.

"Kidding. . . kidding." She rolls her eyes. "Seriously, though, your ego is a little _too_ sensitive."

"Would you stop about my ego and just start the play?" he asks.

She nods, "Lights! Camera! Action!"

A very wet Pyro follows a very wet Rogue onto the shore. He turns and looks at the ship. "That's the second time I've had to watch that bloke sail away with my ship."

Later on the same island, of course, but deeper in, they are amazingly dry.

Rogue is following Pyro now. "But y'all were marooned on this island before. Weren't ya? We can escape the same way y'all did then."

"To what point and purpose, young sheila?" Pyro asks, stopping and facing the young stripe-haired beauty. "The _Black Pearl _is gone. Unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice. Unlikely. Young Mr. LeBeau will be dead long before you can reach him." Said "Young Mr. LeBeau" is at this moment tied up on the _Black Pearl _set, in one of the cages. . . Poor Gambit. Pyro walks to a coconut tree and raps on it.

Rogue rushes to the tree and urges, "But you're Captain St. John Allerdyce." As Pyro starts pacing and counting, she continues, "Ya vanished from seven agents of the East India Company. Ya sacked Nassau Port without even firin' a shot." She gets in his face when he stops to jump up and down. "Are ya the pirate Ah read about or not? How did ya escape last time?"

He starts to tell her a lie, but thinks better of it. "Last time I was here a grand total of three days, all right? Last time," he says as he bends down to open a hidden trap door, "The rumrunners used this island as a cache, came by, and I was able to barter passage off." He climbs into the hole. "From the looks of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Summers to thank for that." He is rummaging amongst the rum, which is not really rum, but tea. He finds a couple good ones and comes out of the hole.

Rogue looks shocked."So that's it then? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous St. John Allerdyce? Y'all spent three days lyin' on a beach, drinkin' rum?"

Johnny shrugs and holds up the two bottles. "Welcome to the Caribbean, luv." He hands her one of the bottles and walks off. She looks like she's about to cry. Of course, she's trying to remember this is just a play, and Remy's life isn't really in danger. Then, she looks at the rum and gets an idea.

The scene changes and Raven is in shock that they got through a whole scene without a single interruption. Now, it is night and Pyro is having the time of his life. He's dancing around a huge bonfire with a hot girl and a bottle of what is _supposed_ to be rum.

_The only thing that would make this better is if that hot girl was Wanda. . . _ He thinks and winks at the gothic girl watching from off stage. She smiles back at him and he starts singing with Rogue, "We're devils, we're black sheep."

Raven immediately makes sure Lightning, Logan, X23, and Sabretooth are wearing earplugs, as they sing, "We're really bad eggs."

Scott is holding a blanket that closely resembles Linus' and muttering, "I will not scream. I will not scream."

Raven groans.

"We can edit it out," Lightning whispers to her.

"Drink up, me hearties, yo ho," they sing. Rogue is beautiful and dancing like shes actually enjoying herself, which is something Rogue doesn't normally do. If Remy weren't still tied up and in a cage, he'd really be enjoying this scene so far. . .

"I will not scream. I will not scream," Scott mutters and starts sucking his thumb.

"Yo ho, yo ho," they sing.

"Ouch!" Johnny says as he stubs his toe.

"A pirate's life for me." They finish and Scott is crying by the end of the song.

"I love this song!" John states, and means it. He grabs Rogue's arm and swings her around. As she laughs, he says, "Really bad eggs! Ooh," he says as he falls and those with sensitive hearing feel free to remove the earplugs.

The bottle of "rum" is almost gone. He pulls Rogue down next to him. "When I get the _Pearl_ back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time."(1)

Rogue, pretending she can't act, says fiercely, "And y'all'll be the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main."

"Not just the Spanish Main, love," Pyro corrects, remembering to slur his words as if he was drunk. "The entire ocean. The entire world. Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hole and a deck and sails. That's what a ship needs. But what a ship is, what the _Black Pearl_ really is, is freedom." He accents this speech with little firey images of ships and the _Black Pearl_, which Raven decides to ignore for the sake of him not burning down the set during this scene.

"John, it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island." She glares at the directors, who glare back and she cuddles up to John.

Wanda is jealous. She would be angry, but the look of absolute repulsion on Rogue's face is enough to calm the Scarlett Witch's fury. . . not to mention making her want to laugh.

"Oh, yes." Pyro answers, after sticking a tongue out at the girl he really dreams of. Slowly, he places his arm around Rogue, glancing in the direction of the set where our dear Cajun is tied up and locked. He is rather scared of Remy at this particular scene. "But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think."

Muffled shouting is heard from the direction of Remy's cage.

Raven pretends she can't hear it. Lightning winces, as with his super hearing, he can make out the words Remy is using. Fortunately, he can't understand half of them, since Remy is cursing in Creole and English.

Logan and X23 just grin evilly. Sabretooth starts laughing.

Rogue turns her head to look at Johnny's hand with a look that reads, "I'm about to puke."

"The scenery has definitely improved." Pyro continues, though, he's looking into Wanda's eyes when he says it, instead of at Rogue, like he's supposed to.

Wanda is trying not to blush.

"Mr. Allerdyce." Rogue says, finally pulling away as quickly as the script would let her.

"Mm-hmm?" he answers.

"Ah'm not entirely sure Ah've had enough rum ta allow that kind of talk." Rogue reprimands.

He raises a finger, "I know exactly what you mean, luv." He twirls his fake mustache and reaches behind Rogue's head.

She holds out her bottle of "rum," which happens to only be half empty. "To freedom."

He looks at the bottle and then adds, "To the _Black Pearl._"

They clink their bottles together in a toast and raise them to their lips. While Pyro gulps his down greedily, Rogue takes a sip and then lowers the bottle and watches as he downs the entire remains of the bottle. Needless to say, Pyro pretends to pass out.

When the scene changes again, it's daylight. Pyro sniffs. "I smell fire!" he says happily.

"Pyro. . ." Lightning groans.

"Okay, Okay, mate, I'll do it again!"

Pyro lays back down and pretends to be worried. He stands up quickly and watches as Rogue throws another box of "rum" on the fire. It explodes and she ducks. Pyro's mouth drops in awe of the pretty fire, but it's supposed to be because of the rum exploding.

He waves his arms and runs to her, "No! Not good!" The trees are also on fire. It's such a beautiful fire that he wants to cry. "Stop! Not Good!" he lies. "What are you doing? You burnt all the food, the shade! The rum!"

"Yes," Rogue says, "the rum is gone."

"Why is the rum gone?" he says, enjoying the line.

Rogue twirls around to look him straight in the eyes. "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men inta complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is oveh a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out lookin' fer me. Do ya think there is _even _the slightest chance they won't see it?"

"But why is the rum gone?" Pyro whines.

Exasperated, and who wouldn't be, arguing with Pyro, Rogue twirls back around and plants her butt on the sand. "Just wait, Captain Allerdyce. Ya give it one houh, maybe two, keep a weatheh eye open and y'all'll see white sails on that horizon."

He takes out the blank gun and almost aims it at her head, but instead, he puts it away and runs off to get a better view of his beloved flames. "What a beaut!" he says, looking lovingly at the burning set. "The set is burning and it's not even my fault!"

"PYRO!" Raven and Lightning yell. The long and loud scream is heard coming from Scott.

"Don't adlib about the fire," Raven warns.

"You're supposed to be angry about the fire," Lightning agrees.

"But. . . it's such a pretty fire. . ." he whines.

"Don't make me untie my Papa," Raven says suggestively.

The muffled shouting coming from Remy's direction make Pyro wince. "Can I at least tell everyone about it after the scene is over?"

"Sure," Lightning says. "I'll even pretend to listen."

"I won't," Raven says.

"Oh, come on, you want him to be a happy actor don't you?" he urges.

"No, not really," Raven says.

"But Raven!"

"Um, guys?" Rogue calls out.

"Yes?" they ask, eliciting another scream from Scott.

"Can we finish this scene _before _the set finishes burning?" Rogue wonders.

"Of course," Raven tells her, "Back to work!"

Pyro feigns anger about the rum. He can't be upset about the fire, make-believe or not. He runs off, mumbling about the trick she pulled on him. "'Must have been terrible for you to be trapped here, John. Must have been terrible for you.' Well, it bloody is now!" he shouts the last sentence back at her. He keeps walking and looks shocked when he glances up to find white sails on the horizon. "There'll be no living with her after this."

The scene changes once again, after Pyro was forced to put the flames out. There were then hours of him crying and telling everyone about the flames, and plenty of Wanda holding him while he wept onto her shoulder. "And people think, _I'M_ crazy. . ." she groans. But the scene finally changes to the deck of the _Dauntless._

Rogue is arguing, "But we've gotta save Remy!"

"No," Xavier argues back, "You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivanting after pirates."

"Then we condemn him ta death." she urges.

"The boy's fate is regrettable, but then, so was his decision to engage in piracy."

"Ta rescue me!" she snaps. "Ta prevent anythin' from happenin' ta me!"

Pyro, always loving to be the center of attention, butts in, "If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion. The _Pearl_ was listing near to scuppers after the battle. . . huh? What did I just say?" Looking at Raven, he decides it doesn't really matter. "Never mind. . . It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time." He is talking directly to Scott. "Think about it. The _Black Pearl._ The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up, right?" He shakes and Scott gets a whiff of his breath, which smells like tea, but is suppose to reek of rum.

Scott backs up, "By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Allerdyce. Not only myself." He turns to walk away. Bobby is seen at the tops of the stairs.

Rogue gulps, takes a deep breath, stalls as long as possible, finally glances in Remy's tied and caged direction and mutters, "Anythin' fer that stupid Cajun. . ." She runs after Scott. "Commodore, I beg ya, please do this. Fer me. As a wedding gift." That got Scott's attention and also that of Xavier.

He wheels next to her. "Anna. Are you accepting the commodore's proposal?"

"Ah. . . Ah. . . Ah can't do this!" she raises her hands above her head and turns to face the directors. "Ah can't! Ah can't even pretend ta marry Scott!"

"Gee, thanks Rogue. . ." Scott deadpans.

A muffled cheer comes from Remy's direction.

"You _will_ do it, or _I_ will leave Gambit in that cage all night!" Raven growls, with glowing eyes.

"But. . ."

"_No_ buts!" Raven shouts.

Rogue sadly turns and faces the now disenchanted Scott. "Ah . . . am. . ." she mutters.

"A wedding!" Pyro calls out to Ray and Roberto, who are behind him. "I love weddings! Drinks all around!"

Rogue looks at the ship deck, nearly in tears at the disbelief of what she said.

Scott looks arrogantly at Pyro.

Pyro catches the look and sighs. He places his wrists together. "I know. 'Clap him in irons,' right?"

Scott walks down the stairs, "Mr. Allerdyce, you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with a bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase 'silent as the grave'."

Raven grins, "That line is worth saving for later. . . "

Lightning raises an eyebrow, "You're going to use it on your students aren't you?"

"Yes, yes I am." she nods.

"Now who's interrupting?" Pyro whines.

"Shut up!" they tell him.

Scott winces and asks, "can I just say my line?"

They both nod. Rogue is smiling.

"Do I make myself clear?" Scott asks.

"Inescapably clear." Pyro answers and Rob and Ray take him to the helm.

They stop for a moment to untie the rather angry Gambit. Then the scene changes to the _Black Pearl_. A mop goes into a bucket of tar and then onto the floor. The IAR parrot on Piotr's shoulder squawks and says, "Shiver me timbers."

Logan nods at the IAR bird and says, "Cotton here says you missed a bit." The crew of the _Interceptor_ is in the cage across from Remy.

Lance who is the one holding the mop, smacks it against the bars. Toad is in the background, with a different mop.

Remy leans against the cage bars. "You knew Jean-Luc LeBeau?"

Lance stops, "Ol' Bootstrap John. We knew him. Never sat well with Bootstrap, what we did to St. John Allerdyce. The mutiny and all. He said it wasn't right with the code. That's why he sent off a piece of the treasure to you as it were. He said we deserved to be cursed. And remain cursed."

"Stupid blighter." Toad whines.

"Good man," Logan challenges. Remy wants to laugh at them calling his father a good man, but tries to hold it in.

"Well, as you can imagine," Lance continues his story, "that didn't sit too well with the captain."

Toad walks up next to him, "That didn't sit too well with the captain at all, yo."

Lance glares at him.

Toad sees it and says, "Tell him what Lensherr did."

"I'm telling the story!" Lance yells. He then turns back to Remy and calmly continues, "So, what the captain did. He strapped a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps."

"Bootstrap's bootstraps," repeats Todd, laughing.

"Remy would've liked to see t'at. . ."

"Gambit!" Raven growls.

"Well, he would!" Remy says.

"You are talking about my grandfather!" she says, with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Are you telling Remy he's a good grandfather in your dimension?"

"No! But, that's beside the point!" she stamps her foot in anger.

"Then please, enlighten me, what exactly _is _your point?" Gambit says his own eyes glowing as fiercely as his future daughter from another dimension.

"The point is, you are ruining my play!"

"Oh. . . that. . ."

"Oui! That!" she growls.

"Alright fine, Remy will be good and listen to the nice story. . ." He mutters something else under his breath, but the four who heard him decide not to mention it.

"Lance, please continue," Lightning begs. "Please!"

"And last we saw of Ol' John LeBeau, he was sinking to the crushing, black oblivion of Apocalypse's locker. (2) 'Course it was only after that we learned we needed his blood to lift the curse."

"That's what you call ironic, yo," Toad says.

They both start laughing. Remy hides his mouth so no one can see he's laughing too.

Footsteps are heard as Magneto, Alex, and Cain show up.

Erik orders, "Bring him," and throws the keys at Toad.

The scene changes. Looking through a spyglass at the enemy ship sits Commodore Scott. He brings the spyglass down. "I don't care for the situation," he says a tad bit lofty. "Any attempt to storm the caves could turn to an ambush."

In his boat, sits Pyro, Rob, and Ray and some miscellaneous rowers. Pyro quickly says, "Not if you're the one doing the ambushing. I go in and convince Lensherr to send his men out with their little boats. You and your men return to the _Dauntless _and blast the bejesusout of them with your little cannons, eh. What do ya have to lose?"

"Nothing I'd lament being rid of," Scott says truthfully.

Pyro doesn't quite get it, "Now, to be quite honest with you, there's still a slight risk to those aboard the _Dauntless_ which includes the future Mrs. Commodore."

"Sorry, but it's for your own safety," Bobby says as he watches to random extras drag Rogue into the Captain's quarters.

"Ah don't care what the Commodore ordered!" Rogue screams. "I have ta tell him!" Rogue glares at Bobby. He almost stops them, but he glances at the directors. It takes him all of a split second to decide who's scarier. . . Raven. . . definitely Raven. . . "The pirates! They're cursed! They can't be killed!"

Bobby steps up as they let her go. "Don't worry, miss. He's already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story." He chuckles as he closes and locks the doors from the outside.

Rogue screams. "Stupid Scott. He deserves ta be killed!"

Lightning looks at Raven. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What?" she says. "It was good adlibing."

"Oh, I feel so loved right now," Scott deadpans.

"I love you," Jean says.

"Thank heavens. . ." he says. "Sometimes I think you're the only one who does."

No one says anything.

Raven decides it's time to get back to the play.

"This is St. John Allerdyce's doing!" Rogue screams through the doors.

Pyro is happily rowing a long boat into the cave. He smiles and hums "A Pirate's Life For Me" under his breath.

Inside the cave, Magneto is walking, throwing the apple up and down and generally looking pleased with himself.

"No reason to fret," Lance is telling Remy. "Just a prick of the finger. A few drops of blood."

"No mistakes this time," Alex says. "He's only half LeBeau. We spill it all!" Alex pushes the tied up Remy towards the chest. Sabretooth follows with a grunt in Lance's direction.

"Guess there is reason to fret," Lance tells Todd who immediately starts laughing.

Alex holds Remy over the chest while Magneto digs into it. The crew chants and Pyro wanders through the the front with a "Beg your pardon. Beg Your pardon."

"Begun by blood," Magneto starts.

"Excuse me," Pyro says to the RPEs.

"By blood. . ." Magneto continues. He stops as he sees Pyro waving at him.

"John?" Remy says.

"It's not possible," states the self-proclaimed Master of Magnetism.

"Not probable," correct the pyromaniac.

"Where's Anna?" Remy asks.

"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Summers, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really. Except for Anna who is, in fact, a woman." Pyro rambles.

"Shut up!" Magneto growls. "You're next."

They are about to slit Remy's throat with their cardboard dagger when Pyro interrupts, "You don't want to be doing that, mate."

"No, I really think I do," Erik disagrees.

"Your funeral," shrugs Johnny, looking away.

Magneto rolls his eyes and turns to look at him. "Why don't I want to be doing it?"

"Well, because. . ." Pyro starts. He starts to climb. "Because the _HMS Dauntless_, pride of the Royal Navy, is floating just offshore, waiting for you."

The crowd of pirates starts to mumble.

Outside a bunch of longboat packed full of soldiers are floating, waiting for him to send out the pirates.

Ray turns to Roberto. "What we doing here?"

Rob rolls his eyes, "The pirates come out, unprepared and unawares. We catch them in a crossfire, send them down to see Old Hob."

Ray growls, "I know why we're here. I meant, why aren't we doing what it was Mr. Allerdyce said we should do with the cannons and all?"

"Because it was Mr. Allerdyce who said it," answers good Ol' Stick-Up-His-Nether-Regions.

Ray asks, "You think he wasn't telling the truth?" like he is appalled by a pirate who would lie. . .

Inside the cave, Pyro is trying to manipulate Erik Lensherr. "Just here me out, mate. You order your men to row to the _Dauntless_. They do what they do best."

The crew laughs heartily at that one.

Pyro continues, "Robert's your uncle. Fannie's your aunt." He shakes his head, because he hasn't got a clue what he just said. "There you are with two ships. The making of your very own fleet. Course, you'll take the grandest as your flagship, and who's to argue. What of the _Pearl_? Name me Captain. I'll sail under your colors. I'll give you ten percent of me plunder. And you get to introduce yourself as Commodore Lensherr. Savvy?"

"I suppose in exchange, you want me not to kill the whelp." Lensherr doesn't sound pleased.

"No, no, no. Not at all. By all means, kill the whelp." Remy glares at him. "Just not yet." Pyro turns to Remy when he says this. "Wait to lift the curse until the opportune moment." Reaching in the chest, he says, "For instance. . . " He grabs a handfull of coins. "After you've killed Summer's men. Every," he drops a coin. "Last," he drops another coin. "One," he drops a third coin. He hides the fourth one.

Remy notices, but keeps his mouth shut. He decides to play along with Pyro's trick for now. "You've been planning this from the beginning. Ever since you learned my name."

"Yeah," agrees Pyro.

"I want fifty percent of your plunder," Magneto breaks up the act.

"Fifteen," counters Pyro.

"Forty," argues Magneto.

"Twenty-five. I'll buy you the hat. A really big one, Commodore."

Magneto smiles. "We have an accord."

They shake hands.

"All hands to the boats!" Pyro calls out. "Apologies. You give the orders."

"Gents," Magneto orders, "Take a walk."

They all head out and Johnny looks confused again. "Not to the boats?"

Magneto looks at him like he's lost it. Pyro gets that look a lot. . . and I do mean a lot. . .

Lance and Toad are laughing with the rest of the crew and walking out when suddenly, Lance is stopped by a couple of women's parasols. Course, it helps that the parasols are held by Juggernaut. They look up at Cain, who grins menacingly.

"And cut!" Raven calls out.

"Finally," Remy says, untying himself and lunging at Pyro.

Rogue and Wanda run over to stop him.

Pyro runs behind Wanda. "Save me! I was just reading the script! I swear, mate. I was thinking about Wanda! I swear!"

Remy thinks this over and it's hard to think it over when Rogue is kissing him to try and get his mind off it, after all if you have a power inhibitor on. . . you might as well use it, right?

So, Pyro and Scott both are saved by a quick thinking Rogue today.

Raven squeals, "Aren't they so cute!"

"Earth to Raven. . ." Lightning says, waving his hands in front of her face.

"Knock it off, Lawr," she says, batting his hand away.

"Well, it's unnatural for you to squeal. . ." he says and the cast all agree, except Remy and Rogue, who are still kissing.

Raven glares at him, "Just because I am a powerful mutant with a very bad temper does not mean I am not a teenage girl."

"Oh, I know," Lightning agrees. "Trust me. . . I know." He's looking her up and down when he says this and smirking.

She smirks back and that's about the time Remy and Rogue come up for air. "Hey!" Remy says, "Stop looking at Remy's daughter like that, or t'is t'ief will have to become an assassin!"

"Papa!" Raven groans. . . Then, she just shakes her head. "Let's just go, Lightning."

And so shall we. . .

* * *

To be continued. . .

* * *

A/N: (1) I mean, seriously, doesn't that _sound_ like something Pyro would actually say? Come on. . . it was as if they looked at Pyro and thought. . . Hmm. . . Jack Sparrow, eh? Lol I know, I'm insane, but crazy people are more fun! That's why we all love Pyro, right?

(2) For those of you who missed the hint about the sequel last chapter. . . here it is again! coughmainvillaincough

Wow. . . It didn't take half a year. . . Aren't you all proud? I'm thinking of starting either a C2 for parodies, or a forum to discuss them. . . so if you either know of one already or want me to start one or the other. . . let me know in your review, k?

Next up, the end. . . wow, it kinda makes me sad, but it's true. . . The end is coming.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . . what with my last grandfather nearing his end and my favorite uncle sick with cancer as well. _sigh_


	10. Scene 9: Happily Ever After

**Disclaimer: The Pirates have stolen the part where it says I own neither the X-Men Evolution characters nor Pirates of the Caribbean. They've only left the part where it says I own Raven and Lightning.**

* * *

**A/N: **This story is dedicated to** Savannah Blair**, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .

* * *

And now, Raven and Lightning present. . .

Mutants of the Caribbean.

Scene 9: Happily Ever After!

Jean is smiling as she scrubs her skin even harder. The iodine is not coming off.

Rogue looks at her funny. "Why are ya smilin'?"

Jean grins, "This is the last day of this play!"

Rogue smiles. "Yeah. . . ya know there are two sequels ta this play, right?"

Jean stop smiling. . . "But. . . my part isn't in either of them."

Rogue grins, "They'll give ya another one."

Jean groans. "Great, just great. . . I thought I was off the hook."

Raven steps out of the shadows with Lightning. "Very funny Jean. . . very funny. Like I'd _ever_ give you a break. . ."

Evan screams in his body cast.

"That's right, Evan." Lightning says.

"You won't be off the hook either," Raven finishes. "Let's go ahead and start the play. Lights! Camera! Action!"

The moon shines bright and full through the eerie clouds. A school of fish travels under the waters. It's frightened off by a troop of water-proof IAR skeletons that march diligently towards the _HMS Dauntless_. Pietro is busy switching the IAR skeletons with real actors when they step out of the moonlight and back to IAR skeletons when they enter it. Lightning helps too, there are just too many for Pietro to do on his own this time.

Above the water, Scott squints as he notices a boat coming out, containing what looks like two women with parasols.

The soldiers in waiting all aim their guns. "Hold fire," Scott tells them.

Toad is sitting in the front of the boat, waving a fan and giggling.

Rogue laughs at Lance and Toad. "At least Ah'm not the only one in a stupid dress!"

They glare at her. Raven does too.

"Sorry," she says sarcastically.

Raven sighs. Lightning glares at her too. He's dripping wet and looks ridiculous. Rogue starts laughing again.

"That is enough!" Raven shouts, floating again and yellow eyes glowing. The people behind her find themselves floating as well.

Rogue stops laughing.

Toad waves his fan and giggles again. "Oh, this is just like what the Greeks done at Troy. 'Cept they was in a horse instead of dresses."

Lance rolls his eyes.

"Wooden horse," continues Toad.

IAR skeletons climb the anchor ropes of the _Dauntless._

Xavier, worried about Rogue, wheels to the Captain's quarters. "A moment, please," he asks the guards.

A young extra replies, "Yes sir," and walks off.

"Anna?" Charles calls. He knocks on the double doors. "I just want you to know I, uh, I believe you made a very good decision today."

Rogue looks at the doors with a blank face. She's tying something.

"Couldn't be more proud of you," Xavier continues. "But, you know, even a good decision, if made for the wrong reasons, can be a wrong decision."

The IAR skeletons have reached the top of the boat now. They peer in at a soldier extra standing guard.

"Look into that, report back," Bobby is telling some random soldier extra.

"Lieutenant," a random sailor extra says, walking forward.

Bobby turns to look at him. And notices a weird site. He uses his spyglass to look at it. It's Lance and Toad in the long boat, of course.

Toad waves his handkerchief and cries out, "Yoo-hoo!"

The IAR skeleton pirates climb up behind them.

Xavier is still talking to Rogue through the door. "Anna? Are you there?" He turns towards her. "Anna, are you even listening to me?" He opens the door and walks in.

Rogue happens to be in a rowboat, rowing away at that very moment.

The IAR skeletons come up behind random soldier extras and slice their throats with their cardboard swords. Well, they make a slicing motion and Pietro runs a line of ketchup across the necks. Some of them suffocate the random soldier extras.

Charles Xavier is out on the balcony, looking over the edge at the cloth rope Rogue made. "Oh, what have you done?"

"Oooh!" calls Toad.

"Stop that!" Lance says, irritated. "Already feel like a fool," he says meaningfully.

"Look nice, though," Todd tells him.

Lance has had enough. He's in a dress in front of everyone he knows, especially in front of Kitty, in a dress. He's been dealing with Toad who is acting like it's fun. He is glad the script calls for him to hit Toad right now. He drops his parasol and hits Toad, causing him to drop his own parasol. "I look nice?" He starts choking Toad.

They are both replaced with IAR skeletons in dresses. Lance continues to choke Toad until Raven makes him stop.

"But. . ."

"It was in the script, Lance," Raven warns.

"He. . ." he starts pointing at Toad who is coughing and holding his throat.

"We need him for the sequels," she argues.

He screams and goes to hide until he's needed.

Bobby pulls the spyglass down as he realizes he's watching skeletons. He pretends to look scared.

The IAR skeleton Lance takes his blank gun and fires at Bobby. Raven uses her powers to make it look like he shot off Bobby's hat.

He looks over watching his hat and notices a crew full of IAR skeletons that have pretty much taken over his ship.

The random soldier extras scream in fear and try to hide. Bobby tries to shoot them.

Forge starts crying whenever one gets broken. Fortunately, he's made a few copies of each one, just in case.

Swords come out and soon, IAR skeletons are fighting with random soldier extras.

Xavier opens the doors and see an IAR skeleton stabbing a random soldier extra with a retractable cardboard bayonet. He shuts the door quickly, but the IAR skeleton hears it and looks around for the sound.

Inside the cave, Pyro picks up a strange looking golden statue. Magneto calls out, "I must admit, St. John, I thought I had you figured. But it turns out you're a hard man to predict."

"Me?" Pyro asks. "I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest." He throws the statue and raises his finger. "Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid." He is standing next to an RPE and he pulls out the sword, using it to knock the RPE into the water and throws it to Remy.

Remy knocks the RPE guard down and starts sword-fighting with him. The RPE guard slashes at him. He turns just in time to let the sword slash his bonds.

Meanwhile, Pyro is sword-fighting with Magneto. They thrust and parry and Pyro cuts the feather on Magneto's hat. That makes him angry and he fights harder with his cardboard sword. Suddenly he stops. "Why exactly do Remy and Pyro have real swords and we have cardboard?"

Raven sighs, "Haven't I already answered that?"

Lightning agrees, "Yes, you have, my dear."

"Thank you," she says.

Magneto sighs, "No, what I mean is, shouldn't their metal swords be cutting through our cardboard ones?"

Raven shrugs, "Well, naturally."

Magneto groans, "Why?"

Lightning answers this one, "She likes them better."

Pyro gets happy. "She likes me! She _really_ likes me!"

Raven's eyes begin to glow. "He didn't say I _like_ you. He said I like you _better t_han I like Magneto." Pyro whimpers.

Lightning grins, "She hates Magneto."

"So, I can tell!" Magneto groans. "But. . . why aren't the swords cutting the cardboard ones?"

Lightning shrugs, he doesn't know.

Raven settles down. "My powers. Plain and simple. I'm using my telekinesis to keep the blades from actually meeting."

"Oh, okay, then," Magneto says, turning back to his sword-fight.

Remy is fighting a IAR Skeleton now that screams as it tries to kill him. Remy punches it in the head.

Pyro and Magneto converse as they fight. "You're off the edge of the map, mate," Magneto says. "Here there be monsters."

Rogue rows to the _Black Pearl_ and climbs up, looking through a window.

"Right," Pietro says. "Whatwouldyoupicktoeatfirst? Ithinkweshoulddecidenow. Justsowe'rereadywhenthetimecomes."

Julien smiles and nods.

Rogue, who is happily dressed in a soldier's uniform instead of a stupid dress, slowly climbs up the ship and onto the deck. She turns around and is startled by St. John the IAR monkey who screeches.

She then gets over it and glares her patented Death Glare. The IAR monkey skeleton stops and looks frightened.

The next thing the two pirates hear is a clunk as the IAR monkey hits the cannon beside them. They were cutting cake. "What was that," Julien and Pietro say in unison.

A scream comes from the boat set where Scott and crew are waiting for their scene. Rob looks at Ray. They both hit him over the head. "Ow! What was that for?" They both roll their eyes.

Julien and Pietro look at the cannon in time to see the IAR monkey slide off into the waters. They rush to the window.

Rogue watches the monkey. Two IAR skeletons peek through the window and look up. Rogue gasps. Rogue gasps and runs down the stairs. She hides as they run up them.

Then, she continues down the stairs.

Logan hears the footsteps first. "Shh!" Rogue comes into the room. "Miss Anna!"

Back on the Dauntless, IAR skeletons are beating the random soldier extras. The IAR skeleton Lance and Toad climb up into a cannon hole.

Toad, the first in, removes his bonnet and starts moving the cannon and the IAR skeleton Lance peeks in the cannon hole.

As the IAR skeleton verses random soldier extra war continues, a random soldier extra rings the alarm bell.

Waiting on the boats, Scott hears the bell. "Make for the ship! Move!" He orders as Rob and Ray stand up behind him.

An IAR skeleton notices the random soldier extra that's ringing the bell and kills him.

Scott moves the boats back to the ship as quickly as possible.

Toad and Lance, still in dresses, push the cannon back in place.

"To the ship!" Scott calls out.

Lance lits a cannon as Scott calls out, "Row, men!" The cannonball lands in the water, right next to Scott's boat. More cannnons are fired at the returning boats.

Xavier peeks through the windows in the door at the battle raging outside. He hides as someone passes by and a random soldier extra falls against the glass and slides down it. The IAR skeleton Sabretooth was the one who killed him. He looks through the glass and see Xavier. He bust the glass and reaches for him, but Xavier has moved. More IAR skeleton arms crash through and one grabs Xavier's wig. Xavier grabs the wig and pulls as hard as he can. He grabs a nearby lamp and breaks off the IAR skeleton arm.

Back in the cave, Pyro and Magneto are still fighting. Pyro stumbles but doesn't fall. Magneto takes the opportunity to kick him in the face. Wanda growls off screen. Pyro looks angry. Magneto drops his sword. "You can't beat me, St. John."

Pyro stabs him with his sword that Pietro has replaced rather quickly with a fake one. Magneto looks down and looks back up and sighs. Pyro stares at it. Magneto grabs the fake sword and stabs Pyro with it. Wanda winces.

Pyro gasps and his eyes grow large.

Magneto smiles.

Pyro stumbles back, into the moonlight. Pietro replaces him with an IAR skeleton Pyro.

Magneto looks baffled.

IAR skeleton Pyro stares at him arm in awe. "That's interesting."

Magneto looks really confused.

Gambit has somehow managed to stick a golden pot on the IAR skeleton's head. He bangs on it and pushes him down. He notices Pyro in the moonlight, staring at his arm.

IAR skeleton Pyro takes out the coin and flips it over his bony fingers. "I couldn't resist, mate."

Magneto growls at him, picks up his sword and throws coins in his face. He chases Pyro up the hill.

Remy is now fighting the IAR skeleton Blob while Pyro and Magneto continue their fight in and out of the moonlight, causing Pietro a lot of work. Pyro kicks Magneto down and he rolls all the way to the bottom of the pile of treasure. They keep fighting.

The cannons are still firing at Scott.

The IAR skeleton hand Xavier broke off is crawling slowly towards him. He's a little freaked out by it. He grabs a paper and hits it. It doesn't stop. When it finally does stop. He picks it up. It starts trying to grab his face. He stuffs it in a drawer and shuts it quickly. He has to hold it shut as the whole desk starts shaking. He pretends to be really frightened. Of course. . . it is one of Forge's experiments, maybe he is a _little _frightened.

Remy, while fighting the IAR skeleton Blob is assaulted by another IAR skeleton. He moves IAR skeleton Blob's arm to make him stab the other. The other stabs the IAR skeleton Blob as Remy tries to escape. They notice him and each pulls out the sword in their gut and follows Remy.

Pyro knocks Magneto into the cave wall and yells out, "Sorry!"

As they fight more, Magneto falls onto a smaller heap of treasure. "So, what now, St. John Allerdyce? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until judgement day and the trumpets sound?"

"Or you could surrender," Pyro offers.

They battle again and Magneto screams at him. Pyro runs and he follows, laughing.

Aboard the _Black Pearl_, IAR skeleton Pietro and IAR skeleton Julien search the deck for signs of life. They look over board, and as they do, a lifeboat flies toward them. They turn just in time to see it and fall over board into the sea. The crew of the _Interceptor_ cheers.

"All of y'all with me!" Rogue shouts, as she gathers the ropes to the lifeboat. "Remy is in that cave. We must save him. Ready. And heave!" She pulls and the boat rocks. It's then she notices nobody else is pulling. She turns around.

They all sort of look at her.

"Please, Ah need your help! Come on!" she pleads.

The IAR parrot squawks, "Any port in a storm."

Wolverine looks at him and says, "Tinman's right. We've got the _Pearl_."

"And what about Johnny? Are ya just gonna leave him?" she asks.

"Jack owes us a ship," an RPE says.

"There's the Code to consider," Logan agrees.

"The Code?" Rogue says, with her mouth hanging open. "Your pirates! Hang the Code, and hang the rules! They're more like guidelines anyway."

The scene changes and Rogue is alone in a rowboat, rowing her way to the cave. "Bloody pirates," she growls as they sail away.

IAR skeleton Lance shoots a random soldier extra as he and IAR skeleton Toad climb the stairs to the deck.

"Hey," says IAR skeleton Todd.

"What?" says IAR skeleton Lance, who's fighting.

"Is it supposed to be doing that?" IAR skeleton Toad asks of the _Pearl._

IAR skeleton Lance exclaims, "They're stealing our ship!"

"Bloody pirates!" IAR skeleton Toad shouts after the ship.

Scott's long boats have finally arrived.

"Border's away!" Bobby calls as the soldiers begin climbing the ship.

IAR skeleton Sabretooth turns and starts walking towards the new random soldier extras.

Scott tries to shoot him. It obviously doesn't work.

"Come on!" IAR skeleton Lance cries out. All the IAR skeletons fight the random soldier extras.

One random soldier extra swings a hook at an IAR skeleton. It misses, but on the way back hits IAR skeleton Toad in the back of the head, knocking out the ill-fitting wooden eye. He reaches up and searches for it, but can't find it. He sees it rolling along the deck and heads after it. "Me eye!"

Rob and Ray reach the wall of the deck and look around at the fearsome battle. They shake hands, scream and jump aboard the ship.

Back in the cave Blob throws a grenade at Remy, who jumps, or more correctly, is pushed telekineticly out of the way.

Pyro and Magneto pause only for an instant at the sound of the explosion.

Blob heads toward Remy, "I'm gonna teach you the meaning of pain!"

"Do you like pain?" Rogue says, startling them both. She hits Blob over the head with a big stick. He pretends to be knocked out and falls to the ground. "Try wearin' a corset." She turns to Remy and uses the stick to help him up. He goes to her and they stare in each other's eyes for a moment before watching the epic battle between the two immortals. "Who's side is St. John on?"

"At the moment," Remy replies with a shrug.

Rogue runs off. The RPE has finally removed the pot and Rogue hits him with the huge stick. She gives it to Remy, who uses it like his bo-staff. Rogue uses her fists. She much more comfortable doing it that way.

They both grab the stick and pierce it through all three IAR skeletons with the IAR skeleton Blob in the center. The stick has edges much like a double fishing hook on either end. It can't be pulled out. IAR skeleton Blob had lit another grenade and thrown it.Remy picks it up and stuffs it into the belly of the IAR skeleton Blob. Rogue and Remy push them out of the moonlight. Pietro switches them to real people and a fake stick. They can't get the bomb out.

Forge hurries to stop the actual bomb from blowing away his hard work.

Rogue and Remy back up.

Blob looks up at them. "No fair!"

Pietro hurriedly moves them as Remy throws a card to make the explosion.

Pyro takes the moment while Magneto is distracted by the bomb to cut his hand and cover the coin in his blood, er. . . ketchup anyways. . .

He throws it to Remy.

Magneto doesn't understand. He aims the gun at Rogue who stops in her tracks.

A gunshot rumbles through the cave. Rogue looks shocked. So does Magneto. He looks at Pyro.

Pyro is holding a gun that's recently been fired.

"Ten years you carry that pistol and now you waste your shot," he says.

"He didn't waste it," Remy says. He is standing over the chest. He drops the coins. There's a line of ketchup in his hand too.

Rogue smiles.

Magneto opens his coat and watches at the blood spreads. It's a clever Hollywood trick that is under his clothes of course, but it looks like blood. He looks up. "I feel. . . cold." He falls down and a random apple falls out of his hand.

Wanda grins. "That was almost as good as killing him myself!" She runs and hugs Pyro.

Magneto sits up. "I'm not really dead, Wanda!"

She sticks her tongue out at him. "I could change that."

Magneto groans. "Why couldn't I have normal children. . . the kind that love their father. . ."

"Well," Raven says, "perhaps if you hadn't pawned them onto other people and stuck one of them in a mental institution. . ."

"He wasn't a very caring father, was he?" asks Lightning.

"No," Wanda agrees.

"He really wasn't," Pietro says.

"Do you all mind if we get on with the play?" Raven says.

"It's a rather long scene this time. . ." Lightning nods.

They all agree.

Aboard the _Interceptor_, Scott stabs Sabretooth with his IAR sword. The IAR skeletons disappear suddenly and are replaced with their living counterparts. The pirates notice the curse has been lifted.

Sabretooth falls to the deck.

Xavier notices the desk has stopped shaking. He opens the drawer to find a bloody mess of a severed arm inside. He makes a disgusted face, covers his mouth, and shuts the drawer again.

RPEs begin dropping their swords. Toad finds his eye and stands up next to Lance to see Rob and Ray standing over him with bayonets.

"Parley?" Lance asks.

"The ship is ours, gentlemen," Scott announces.

"Huzzah!" the random soldier extras shout, making Scott wince and whimper like a puppy dog.

Xavier comes out and joins in the celebration as if he had been fighting along side the soldiers. He wags his finger at a RPE.

Rogue stands, staring at the treasure. Remy watches and then walks up to her. She looks at him and smiles sadly. He starts to kiss her when they are started by some glass shattering behind them.

Pyro is going through one of the piles and throwing treasure behind him.

"We should return to the _Dauntless_," she says with a tear-filled voice.

"Your. . ." Remy stops. "Remy can't do t'is, Raven."

"If _Ah_ can, then _you _can, Swamp Rat!" Rogue insists.

"Fine, Remy will try again," he sighs. "Your. . . fiance. . . will be wanting ta know you're safe."

She turns away sadly. He feels dead inside.

Pyro walks up, wearing a crown, holding a goblet and a bunch of other treasure. "If you were waiting for the opportune moment. . . that was it." Pyro walks past the staring Remy. "Now, if you'd be so kind, I'd be much obliged if you'd drop me off at my ship."

Remy rows the ship as Rogue says, "Ah'm sorry, Johnny."

"They done what's right by them. Can't expect more than that," is Pyro's reply. Remy looks at him sadly.

The scene changes. They are now back at the fort in Port Royal. Drums sound the death march at Pyro is about to be hung.

Warren calls out, "St. John Allerdyce, be it known to you. . ." he continues reading the scroll as Pyro gets annoyed.

"Captain. Captain St. John Allerdyce." he whines.

"For your willful commission of crimes against the crown," Warren is saying as a man in a large hat makes his way through the crowd. "Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature."

"Please don't use that word," mumbles Remy, the man in the large hat.

Raven decides to let it slide.

"The most egregious of these to be cited herewith," Warren continues. "Piracy, smuggling. . ."

Remy looks at Rogue, once again in a stupid dress, standing next to Xavier. She looks on, trembling.

"This is wrong," she says.

"Commodore Summers is bound by the law," Xavier tells her. Said "Commodore Summers" is standing on the other side of Xavier. "As are we all."

"Impersonating an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy," Warren keeps going. "Impersonating a cleric of the church of England."

"Ah, yeah," laughs Pyro, remembering.

"Sailing under false colors, arson, kidnapping," Warren keeps going, "Looting, poaching, brigandage, pilfering, depravity. . ."

A IAR parrot flies and lands on the flagpone Roberto is holding. Pietro squeezes mayonnaise on his jacket. It looks like the IAR parrot pooped on him. Roberto looks at it and then up at the bird.

"depredation and general lawlessness," finishes Warren.

Remy notices the parrot as Warren says, "And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul."

Remy makes his way to the back of the crowd. "Governor Xavier. Commodore. Anna. Remy should have told ya every day from t'e moment he met ya. Remy loves you." she looks shocked and he walks off in a hurry to get to the front of the crowd.

A random extra puts the rope around Pyro's neck. Wanda covers her face with her hands.

Rogue sees the IAR parrot fly off.

Scott notices it too, "Marines."

"Ah can't breathe," Rogue says, pretending to faint.

This distracts Xavier and Scott. "Anna!" Charles calls out.

"Move!" Remy yells as he shoves through the crowd.

Xavier is fanning Rogue with his hat. Rogue "wakes" up suddenly to watch as the random extra who's playing the executioner pulls the handle and Remy throws his sword at the same time.

Pyro lands on the sword, keeping him from breaking his neck.

Scott and Xavier look at her strangely. "What?" Xavier asks as Scott leaves.

Remy, who is also wearing a bright red cape, climbs the stairs and fights with the executioner.

Soldiers are coming.

"Move!" Scott is ordering the crowd.

In a clever trick, Remy forces the executioner to cut the rope with his ax.

Pyro falls and cuts his binds on the sword he was just standing on.

Remy pushes the executioner right onto Scott.

They run with the rope between them, knocking over the soldiers. They use it to knock a couple against a stone column. Their movements are mirrored, as if choreographed. They flip and knock a couple random soldier extras out. They end up back to back, completely surrounded by random soldier extras, out on the ledge which Rogue fell off of.

"I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill-conceived escape attempt," Scott tells Remy, "but not from you."

Xavier reaches them just then. "On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency. And this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with him? He's a pirate!"

Rogue reaches them at that moment.

"And a good man," Remy says. "If all Remy has achieved here is t'e hangman will earn two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least Remy's conscience will clear."

"You forget your place, LeBeau," Scott says, stepping forward.

"It's right here, between you and St. John," Remy says firmly.

Rogue steps up next to Remy, "As is mine."

"Anna!" Xavier exclaims. "Lower your weapons. For goodness sake, put them down!"

The soldiers obey.

"So this is where your heart truly lies, then?" Scott asks her.

She nods, "It is."

Scott looks sad.

Pyro looks board. He notices the IAR parrot flying off a cannon. "Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we've all arrived at a very special place." He has walked up to Charles and said this in his face.

Xavier starts back as the breath is supposed to stink of rum.

"Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically," Pyro says. "Funny words, those are." He starts laughing.

Raven glares at him.

"Sorry, sheila. . . It's just too funny. I'll stick to the script now."

"Good!" she growls.

"I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate," he says to Scott. "Know that."

She starts up the stairs, but stops. "Anna. It would have never worked between us, darling. I'm sorry."

She glares at him.

He goes further and stops again. "Remy. Nice hat." And he goes to the edge of the ledge. Remy grins. "Friends." The soldiers who were following him stop. "This is the day that you will always remember as the day that. . ." he back up and trips off the ledge. Pietro catches him is time, of course. Scott, Remy and Rogue races to the edge to watch him fall into the ocean.

"Idiot," Hank says, "He has nowhere to go but back to the noose."

"Sail ho!" shouts Warren from a distance.

The _Black Pearl _sails from behind a rock.

"What's your plan of action?" Bobby asks Scott. "Sir?"

When Scott can't answer, Xavier says, "Perhaps on the rare occasion pursuing the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself can be the right course?"

"Mr. LeBeau," Scott says suddenly.

He starts to go, but Rogue holds him next to her. He leans down and tells her, "Remy will accept the consequences of his actions."

She lets him go. He walks to Scott and Scott stops him with his sword. "This is a beautiful sword. I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life," which is Scott's way of saying 'If you hurt Rogue, I'll cut out your heart with it.'

"T'ank ya," Remy says.

Scott puts the sword down and walks away.

"Commodore!" Bobby calls. "What about Allerdyce?"

"Well, I think we can afford to give him one day's head start." All the soldiers leave as Bobby stands there looking at him in shock.

Xavier turns to our favorite couple. "So. This is the path you've chosen, is it? After all, he is a blacksmith."

"No, he's a pirate," Rogue says, taking off his rather large feathered hat.

Xavier leaves them alone.

Remy kisses her passionately, grateful for the power inhibitor Raven brought for the play.

The scene changes to the _Pearl,_ Pyro is almost there. Logan throws him a rope. "Heave!" he orders and all the crew hoist Pyro onto the deck.

Logan walks up to him.

"Thought you were supposed to keep to the Code?" Pyro asks.

"We figured they were more actual guidelines," he says, helping Pyro stand up.

Piotr hands him is hat.

"Thank you," Pyro says.

"Captain Allerdyce," Wanda says, her arm resting on the wheel. She walks up and puts a cloak around his shoulders. "The _Black Pearl_ is yours."

He smiles and walks to the wheel. He rubs it fondly. Then he notices everyone is staring at him. "On deck you scabrous dogs! Hands to braces! Let down and haul to run free!" The crew scatters to follow his orders. "Now, bring me that horizon." He starts humming 'A Pirate's Life For Me.' He checks his compass. "And really bad eggs." He turns the wheel. "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!" He shuts the compass.

The scene changes one final time. The apple floats away. Back in the cave, Captain Lensherr lies, still supposedly dead. The IAR monkey swims through the water towards the chest. It jumps on it and reaches down, grabbing a coin. Immediately, Pietro switches it with the IAR skeleton monkey which screeches.

"And cut!" Raven yells. "It's finally over!"

"Ah, I'm kind of sad it is. Pirates are cool." Lightning says.

She glares at him. "You realize there are two sequels to this play, right?"

He grins. "Yes, it's going to be fun!"

She glares. "Fun isn't the word for it."

He just laughs. "Let's go home."

They leave.

Just as they go, a group of men in SWAT gear show up. "DPD! Freeze!"

Manning kicks a stage prop. "We missed them again, didn't we?"

Jean nods, "Sorry? Maybe next time?"

They sadly leave.

Scott shudders. . . "Two sequels. . . this is gonna be awful. . ."

Pyro grins, "I think it'll be fun!"

**THE END**

* * *

A/N: Wow, can't believe that is over! Well, I'll be starting the next one soon, but I do intend to drag it out at least until the third one is out on DVD and I can buy it. I need the DVD to do it. Lol I had a great time writing this and I hope you all had a great time reading it! Let me know by reviewing!

NO RANDOM EXTRAS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS PARODY. Can't say anything about main characters though. . .

Officially expect both sequels to this parody. The next one up will be entitled MOTC: Dead Man's Chest.

Please review, reviews make me smile when I'm having a rough day. A lot of rough days ahead for me too. . . what with my last grandfather nearing his end and my favorite uncle sick with cancer as well. _sigh_


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